1+1 = August Sucks

I’ve always professed to hate the month of August.  I always will hate the month of August.  I will go out of my way not to get pregnant in November or December, just so I never have to celebrate my kids’ birthdays during August and act like I’m having a nice time—heaven forbid something good happen in August and I have to change my mind.

This week has embodied every reason I have always dreaded August.

I will expound:

1.  August is hot.  We don’t have air conditioning in our house.  1+1=August sucks. I rest my case.

2.  This is my last week of freedom before I’m back in school.  One might be tempted to be happy for me, thinking, “Oh great, Camille has one whole week left before school!  That should be fun.” But LET’S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY WITH THE OPTIMISM, READERS.  I have ONLY one week.  That’s not very long.  Not nearly long enough.

3.  I have officially lost hope in every project I was originally planning to undertake during the summer.  I’ve given up.  It’s a lost cause, and the fact that it’s August is only making things worse.

Summertime To-Do List

[Here’s the list in its original form, updates for today in bold font:]

-finish painting bedroom furniture black (Dear Mother-in-Law: May I please have permission to paint black the dresser and bookshelf/desk you gave Poor Kyle when he first bought this house?  Please and thank you, Camille.)  (Thought about doing this every day for three months.  Didn’t happen.)

-decorate bedroom  (Ditto.)

-paint kitchen and decorate (1/2 done.)

-buy bike and ride it (Got bike for free and don’t ride nearly enough.)

-sell cans in garage.  $ from sale = $ for garden (Sold cans, but squandered the money at yard sales.)

-plant garden (Ha!)

-organise garage  (Ha!  Ha!)

-organise back entry (Sort of.)

-buy a lawnmower

-borrow a lawnmower (Only once the entire summer.)

demolish ugly fence

-paint ugly fence

-come to terms with ugly fence (Never.)

-tear out atrocious front bushes

-trim atrocious front bushes

-come to terms with atrocious front bushes (No siree bob.)

-plant flowers from starters

-plant flowers from seeds

-draw pictures of flowers and tape them to popsicle sticks and drive them into the flower beds with a hammer or possibly a rubber mallet, whichever’s cheapest (Good idea in theory…)

-solve garbage problem (Nope.)

-promote UBO (Thought about it.)

-get more than 14 follower on Twitter™ (Hey, did I start the summer with only 14 followers?  Now I’m up to 40.  Sweet.  Then again, Dooce™ has, like, 20 bazillion.  She wins.  Dangit.)

-start Google™ Adsense (Uh…{checks pockets for loose change} no.)

-make poster advertising piano lessons (I did type the poster, but never printed it or hung it around town.  Anyone’s kid need piano lessons this fall?  I’m available starting in September.)

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So it’s apparent that, for all my good intentions, I’m really nothing but a balloon full of hot air.  Bloated, even.

But I’m blaming it on the August heat, and the fact that we don’t have A/C in our house.

Anything to defer the guilt.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in failures, oh brother what next, what I'm about, woe is me. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to 1+1 = August Sucks

  1. chelsie says:

    I love this logic. I will always defer the guilt to something or someone else. I mean seriously, the whole summer I didn’t have school and I didn’t do anything. Now school is starting right as I got motivation to sew (I have hundreds of rectangles all cut out) and I am busier than I ever thought I could be.

  2. Chloe says:

    Hmmm, I think you have achieved a lot… At least, compared to me. haha!
    The only thing I’ve done this summer is working as a private teacher. And recently, as a translator. That’s all. Boo.

  3. Camberley says:

    It took me seven years to get through college with a four year degree, so I feel your pain. This is the first semester I haven’t had to go back. IT’S MAGNIFICENT (I love throwing it in my husband’s face, sisters’ faces and {apparently} now yours. Sorry). Keep trudging along.

  4. RatalieNose says:

    Love the title of this.
    Made my day.

  5. HeatherPride says:

    It’s completely August’s fault. Come September, all your worries will be gone.

    Well, probably not. But at least August will be!

  6. Geneva says:

    I’m so sorry! August is terrible and I can only imagine the lack of air conditioning. You poor dear!

  7. Jethro says:

    i’ve serfed post and comment, you have spoke well of it’s vagaries. the august. i find it, too warm, too much light, cheery in planteage, and my birth month.

    i’ve heard many a good thing about you recently. the highlights, very nice, loving, long legs, pretty, one half of a handsome couple. (though the other half was suggested as less handsome, in a joking MOYH way. was very funny. had to be there.)

  8. Irene says:

    well I don’t even remember what I did with my summer list ^_^ I think August is bad for the heat, but I hate September the most, time of changes!!

  9. Whitney says:

    How about you come down here and I will take piano lessons from you. :) okay? ok.

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