I am an adult; twenty two years of age, officially. I pay taxes (when I have a job) and fill my own gas tank (when I can’t get Poor Kyle to do it for me). I make my bed (almost always now), and cook dinner (such as it is). For all intents and purposes, I’m a grown-up.

Why, then, do I hate brushing my teeth? Why?

I’ll tell you why:

1. It’s so tedious. You want me to just…stand there? In front of the mirror? The two times during the day that I look my absolute worst? For how long? Three minutes? Please.

2. …

Never mind. There’s only that one reason.

It is, though. Tedious, I mean. Nevertheless, I do brush my teeth on a regular basis (once a week, like clockwork [just kidding!]). I just get so…bored. I always have. When I was a kid, and didn’t understand about bad breath and social faux pas and what-not, I would go to school without brushing my teeth all the time. [I didn’t have a lot of friends.] Then, the day before I had a dentist appointment, I would get all stressed out and try brushing my teeth every five minutes or so, and then ten times right before the dreaded hour. It never worked. I always came out with 20 more cavities than before.

The only thing that’s changed since then is that, as an “adult,” I’m fairly sure there’s no way around brushing my teeth twice daily. (Although…I still don’t have many friends. Maybe I’m on to something…)

Yet for some reason I really enjoy flossing. Tell me it’s time to brush my teeth, and I’ll procrastinate as long as I can. But flossing–it’s the highlight of my day. With flossing, I actually get to see the fruits (or bread particles, or pepper) of my labor. It’s like a treasure hunt in my mouth! Every evening before bed! [Being able to floss from the comfort of my plush bed might have something to do with my joy.]

I’ve decided I have to make a game out of brushing my teeth.

But the only one I can think of is see-how-quickly-I-can-run-back-to-bed-and-catch-a-power-nap-while-brushing. And I tried it once, but the complications with my bed sheets were horrible. Not worth it.

So I’m turning to you. Do you get bored with brushing your teeth, too? What games do you play to make yourself do it?

No? Nothing?

Oh. How awkward.

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