**Housekeeping detail: Make sure to swing by Archives of Our Lives tomorrow for a very special—and first ever—guest blogger! I’m quite excited about this, and I think you will be pleasantly surprised with what’s in store. Until then, on with the show…**
When I die and meet my final judge, I am pretty sure I’ll get in trouble for how much time I spent gossiping in this life.
I would say “I can’t help it,” but that would be a total lie; the truth is I don’t want to help it. I like to get the scoop. I enjoy gossiping for the exact same reason I stalk people on Facebook—the sheer joy of it.
It’s even better when I’m in Mesa [which I am], where I was born and raised, because I usually have been gone for awhile between visits, and a lot happens in my absence. {What? People’s lives go on when I’m not around to make the earth rotate? I had no idea.} Really, though, try leaving your hometown for a few months, then come back and see what’s changed. You would be amazed at what can happen. Women you didn’t even know were dating are suddenly married and pregnant; the restaurant that was built your senior year of high school [but never boasted an operating business within its walls] is suddenly home to a brand new fish ‘n chip joint; your governor becomes best buddies with Barack Obama, and even Wikipedia knows about it.
The fact is, times change—people change—and I find real satisfaction in keeping up on all of it—every tidbit. Am I gossiping if I happen to hear about which couples are no longer dating, and whose decision it was to make the break? Yes, probably. Can I rationalise it away? There’s really no point; I know it’s not very classy of me. And I don’t mind. I am classy in other ways, like how I always eat dinner with provided flatware, and never pick my boogers when I’m stopped at a red light. (Umm, yeah. And the way I never lie.)
If I die and my gossip addiction is the worst sin I’ve commited, I think I might just be all right.
What vice is on the brink of sending you to Hell this year? Would you like to see my resolutions for the upcoming year?
That could make for a funny post.
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