A Hands-Off Approach to Marriage

A few months ago I was mourning the cold weather in a particular blog post, and a reader named Whitney, in a comment, asked this:

“Yeah I’m sorry. It’s a beautiful day in AZ today. There is a beautiful breeze. Not too hot but not too cold. I’m not trying to rub this in your face I’m only trying to help you feel like you’re here. I don’t understand why Poor Kyle can’t bring you back home. Whats up with that? Should I post that in one of your question posts? Why don’t you live here Camille?  What’s keeping you from making PK get a job in AZ?”


First off, Whitney, thanks for commenting.  I appreciate all my readers, and cherish each comment I am given.  I write this blog for you. Secondly, you ask me why I don’t make PK get a job in Arizona, as if you think I have any pull at all.  Wrong.  I have no clout.  I’ve tried nagging; I’ve tried whining; I’ve tried withholding; I’ve tried sending him to bed with no dinner.  At the end of the day, however, Poor Kyle is quite a bit more stubborn than me, and I have learned there is no way I can make him do something he doesn’t want to do.  And anyway, I don’t really want to be that kind of wife.  I make an honest effort to share decision-making with Poor Kyle, rather than take over {or let him walk all over me}.

However, Poor Kyle’s stubbornness has nothing to do with us living in Canada—he would move to Arizona in the time it takes to say, “Like the desert missed the rain,” if it was feasible. As would I.

Unfortunately, Poor Kyle has no secondary education or backup career plan aside from his current job—a job which, gratefully, he enjoys.  He doesn’t like school (I don’t blame him), and has no interest in continuing his education {which is where my stance as a laissez-faire sort of wife comes into play}.  I am not going to force him to pursue an education or a career in something he’s not interested in, nor would he ask me to do so.

His same career in Mesa would pay substantially less, with fewer days off per year and 100% not as many perks.  So unless we wanted our parents to support us, and/or live on a bench in Pioneer Park, there’s no way we can live comfortably in Arizona right now—and we’re all about living comfortably. It sounds greedy or money-hungry, but it’s so obvious: why would we choose to be poor when there’s another option, and one that doesn’t involve robbing banks?  If you could work at something you enjoyed and make a decent living doing it…well…wouldn’t you do it?

That’s not to say we’re rich; sometimes we have to eat cereal without milk, but we are fighters.

I can’t say exactly what our future holds, but I can assure you that if or when the opportunity arises, we would surely jump at the chance to live in Arizona.

My only hope is to make scads of money writing so that we can live anywhere in the world and still make millions.  That way, Arizona would be a shoe-in.

Of course, every aspiring blogger and Literature major in the free world hopes the same thing for their lives, and I’m no better than any of them…

…so for now I’ll keep on keepin’ on in the land of the freezing and the home of the brrrrr.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in ask me anything, Canada, change, Married Life, Poor Kyle. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to A Hands-Off Approach to Marriage

  1. niki says:

    love your wise words. great approach, you dear wife, great approach.

  2. Geneva says:

    Do it, “strate talk” a weekly syndicated column by camille.

    Of course, now that I write this I belatedly see that it should be “Nothing’s Fair” by Fairbanks

    And out of plain curiosity’s sake, what did he do instead of high school?

  3. linda rae says:

    Geneva…Kyle and Camille are off playing in the dunes with Clint and Adell…I don’t know if they have internet or not. I’m Kyle’s mom, so I’ll answer your question. Kyle graduated high school, and is in the family business, as are 3 of our 4 kids. He served a mission somewhere in there too.

    Nice to meet you!

  4. WhoNose? says:

    Wow. You are so supportive. You get an A at life Camille.

  5. anon10 says:

    That is very great of you! I mean, If you are going to be in a job you don’t like, what’s the point?

  6. Granmama says:

    A note from Granmama—-
    To his credit, Kyle DOES have an apprentice degree from Lethbridge College. It took 2 years to get and he is very skilled in his chosen profession. It just happens to be in CANADA. Kyle is also my #1 TECH support man (even long distance) and he is much more patient than Camille ever thought of being at teaching an old lady how to do computers and SHOWING what needs to be done. Anyone can get a teaching degree but only the elite can really teach. (Of course, you have to understand that my chosen profession is teaching—as the bumper stickers say, “Those who can, TEACH! The rest do some seemingly insignificant thing with their lives.” ) I think Kyle would be a great teacher (you can do that in Canada or Arizona—however, I understand that first year Canadian teachers start out making over $65,000. Is that right Canadians?)

  7. Kyle's Uncle says:

    I’ll answer that for you Granmama. I checked the Alberta Teachers Association website, and, teachers here do seem to be well paid. You’re not far off the mark. A first year teacher with 4 years of University education, (a B.Ed., which the urban school districts generally require), in the Lethbridge school district for example, earns as of Sept. 1st, 2008, $48,825. Pension, extended health care, dental and other benefits are also ample. Experience certainly makes a difference, 5 years of experience would net a teacher, in the Lethbridge school district, $65,781.
    Other collective agreements across the Province are much the same, though the bigger cities, and some northern rural areas, are a bit better paid. In Fort Macmurray for example, the same first year teacher would earn $51,592 per annum. (Fort Mac is where our oilsands operations are centered. Camille posted about it once. They don’t have a great reputation environmentally…Camille posted once about a flock of ducks that landed, and died, in one of the tailing ponds, where they store the oily refuse of the refining process.)
    I hope that helps.
    I know, Kyle’s an excellent and patient teacher..but in the family business, as it expands, likely to other cities, he stands to make a much better living. Alberta, Canada, and the USA, all run on trucks of course.
    I hope that helps. As an aside, don’t Kyle and Camille take the cutest couple pictures? I love seeing them.

  8. Kyle's Uncle says:

    Ooops, i said, “i hope that helps”, twice. Sorry. It’s tough to edit comments in this little message box with this dang cataract in my left eye. I meant to just say it once of course.

  9. whitney says:

    Camille you are going straight to heaven. Thank you for answering my question. One day. One day youll be back and we will all be super excited.

  10. Lauren says:

    I would die if I didn’t live in good old Mesa. Ted and I have talked about picking up and leaving to Seattle…because we both fell in love with the darn place. But, I am too much of a wuss.

    I applaud your awesome wifey skills. You are awesome…in general.

  11. anonymous says:

    wow what a suppotive wife. lucky kyle!

  12. jami says:

    love it! You are a wonderful wife! I do wish that you could be here…but that is just me being selfish again.

    ALSO, I am a little pissed…yea thats right…pissed that you didn’t come to RS in teh westwood ward. I realize that our RS isn’t the most exciting in the world…but you could have done if for me!

  13. Lindsay says:

    wretched cereal without milk…i refuse to eat it. I was pretty disappointed the other morning when i poured myself a bowl and THEN found out we were out of milk. The real kicker of the story however, is that my husband suggest i just use WATER instead. And the worst part… he was serious.

  14. Allison says:

    It is interesting how making ends meet in a small town IS SO MUCH EASIER than in a city. The United Stated is backwards. Here I am worried to death that I am going to lose everything because I am soon going to have to repay HUGE student loans. I have no idea where THAT money will come from. I totally understand the idea of living comfortably in Canada!

  15. Cristin says:

    Interesting. I made my husband promise that we would never live in Arizona, unless it was Flagstaff. That’s what living in Yuma for 8 years will do to a girl.

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