Guess who’s busy?
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.
Guess who still manages to blog daily despite their business?
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT ME, apparently.
Everywhere I look blogs are getting better and better while mine sits and stagnates. But today I thought that instead of whining about it I’d do something about it. Not my most original post, perhaps, but it gives you something to read on the toilet anyway.
(Idea swiped from my friend Maureen:)
What if I were to get pregnant? I think I might have a nervous breakdown. Pregnancy sounds awful to me, and even worse is that it leads to parenthood, which I know for a fact would send me right over the edge.
What if I could have any job in the world? I would write about it.
What if I had a day to myself? I would waste it being depressed that it would be over in a day.
What if I could get married all over again? I wouldn’t.
What if I could live anywhere in the U.S.? I struggle with this all the time. New York City, in the woods miles from civilization, or on some glorious beach. Those are the three options it always boils down to, and those are the three I can never decide between. But logically I would move back to Arizona because that’s where my family is and I miss them.
What if I were to have more children? How many more? Poor Kyle is quite the handful as it is. (Jokes. [But not really.])
What if I could have any talent in the world? Is being content with the talents I have considered a talent? If so, I want that one.
What if I went back to school? I would get straight A’s. Anything less is a waste of money.
What if money weren’t an object? We’d all be on the barter system and that would be sweet. I’d trade pre-written blog posts for food.
What if I could meet one celebrity? I’d like it to be Oprah because I think she’d like me and Oprah’s friends pretty much have it made.
What if I could only shop at one store for the rest of my life? I really think Target would have everything I would ever need. Possibly Costco. But I don’t know that Costco would accept pre-written blog posts in exchange for huge quantities of toilet paper…
What if I could choose an animal/pet? Oh, fine, I’d let Poor Kyle finally buy his thousand-dollar bullmastiff and name it some human name like Jane. It’s what he always wanted. I secretly think he just wants someone better to cuddle with.
What if I could go on a trip right now? I’d make it a good one because it’d probably be my last for a really long time. Australia? New Zealand? Ireland? Prince Edward Island?
What if I had to choose between a house cleaner and a professional chef? HOUSE CLEANER. I actually kind of like cooking and would like it even more if I didn’t have to split my time between it and cleaning the house. Definitely a house cleaner. Anyone who’d choose otherwise cannot possibly be sane.
What if I had the option to get plastic surgery? I am mostly against plastic surgery on account of my deeply entrenched feminist and post-post-modernist ideals, but I do confess I would at least talk to a surgeon about the possibilities of erasing my butt chin.