Birth Control and What I’d Do if it Ever Failed Me.

I believe that children should come into this world being highly anticipated by their parents. Of course, accidents can happen, and who am I to judge? No one. I am, however, a girl who knows that she is not–in any way, shape or form–ready to be a mother. If I were to get pregnant unexpectedly right now, I would feel so sorry for my unborn fetus, because I do not think I could be joyful and excited to birth it. (To BIRTH it. BIRTH. Sounds wretched.)

Someday I will be ready to have children, and when that day comes, I will be as hopeful and expectant as any mother likely is. I will nest. I will read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (a title which should be underlined but Blogger won’t let me). I will go to LaMaze and La Leche League and LaMommy-and-Me prep classes. When I am ready.

But for now, I take very great care not to let any of my defenseless little eggs get fertlised. That’s how we roll, the eggs and me.

So with no further ado…

Q [from Anonymous]: So what ARE your birth control plans?

A [from me]: I am taking a prescription birth control pill called Yasmin. I like it, second only to the prescription I was on back in the states [it was a similar pill called Yaz, but the “off” pills were only three in number. Which meant the “off” days were three or fewer. Which was a marvelous thing indeed]. But they don’t make Yaz in Canada–just Yasmin. The only difference is that the white pills–or the “off” days–are an entire seven. Which is four more than three. Which is the kind of math that can get your head chewed off if you bring it up during The Week of the White Pills.

Poor Kyle–he knows to beware of the Week of the White Pills. Poor, poor Kyle.


I won’t complain, though, because my meds up here cost me $10.00 for a three month supply, whereas in Arizona I was paying upwards of $50.00 each month. But that was my fault because I dropped out of college and could no longer qualify for student insurance. I’m a black sheep like that.

Anyway, Yasmin is a nice little drug that I gleefully pump into my body every night before bed. I did all the research my little brain could tolerate, and I decided the pill was the choice for me. I might have preferred the Depo Provera shot, if not for the fact that I would rather get pregnant than get shotsand that’s saying a lot. And please…don’t even get me started on those nasty things that stay up in people’s bodies for months on end. I…cannot…fathom. Ever. Never ever ever.

But to each her own.

Q [from Camille Elise]: Hmm…If you ever have kids, how many do you want? And would you ever consider having them at home, in say, a bathtub?

A [from me]: Four. And if there is any way I can figure out to have one sets of quadruplets or two sets of twins, I would absolutely take it. The way I figure it, I can completely hole myself inside my house for four years until at least one of my kids started school–and every year following would just get better. Then again, what do I know? My older sister, a new parent herself, tells me that this is the stupidest idea she’s ever heard. And she’s pretty clever, so I am probably wrong.

I would never have my children in a bathtub. I might consider having one in an Aqua Doula™, though–it’s a child birthing spa! Ooh, la la!


But I intend to have at least my first child (assuming I can’t get all four at once, because I could never be so lucky) at the local hospital, such as it is. Because, as I believe with my contraceptives, if the drugs are there, I want them.

If, however, my first birthing (ugh. BIRTHING. Sounds right awful) experience is negative, I would consider trying a home birth. The smart way. The Cristin way [i.e., with a licensed, experienced midwife there as guidance and a life-preserver]. When I read her post about her experience with a home birth, I remember thinking, “Wow. That really does sound nice. Being able to sleep in my own bed just a little while after having a kid? Good deal.”

But who wants to think about birth plans now? Not me. I’m only sayin’ ’cause you asked.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in ask me anything, like-it-link-it, what I'm about. Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Birth Control and What I’d Do if it Ever Failed Me.

  1. Cristin says:

    The Aquadoula rules. Although I am fully aware that it makes me look like a weirdo. Oh well, you just posted your birth control plans online! HA ha. Camille, you are the best.

    You forgot to mention that Yasmin also has the strangest commercials. According to my ObGyn, they also have the lowest risk of turning you into a crazy person, whatever that means.

  2. lindser-lou says:

    oh camille…i think you underestimate the power of the depo shot. i love em – i haven’t had a period in 2 years, and life is wonderful. No white pill week for jared to be wary of!

    and i think 4 is a perfect number.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Wow! I had no idea there were birthing spas out there in the world. I suppose I never thought of it as a spa like experience. Hopefully, I never have to opportunity to use one. No screamers for me and I think if I were going to change my mind it would have happened by now. I’m not getting any younger. Fun post! ~A

  4. Jami says:

    Wow, I thought the same thing about cristins birth. I was kinda a anti-home birth person myself, but when I read her account then I sorta thought “that seems ok”. I don’t like the other weirdos that don’t have anyone but themselves to catch the baby.
    Also, I have heard great things about your pill. I need to get on one, but I just can never remember to take the pill everyday…THAT is why I LOVE the nuva ring, but I still remember your trama after I told you about them.

  5. Kyrie says:

    The Aquadoula is the spa I’m having my baby girl in. I have done a bunch of research on it. I am told it is a wonderful way to experience birth. 4 great number.

  6. HeatherPride says:

    Gosh, I’m so old fashioned that I had my kids in hospitals with drugs and meals brought to me on trays! Good luck with all your plans. Motherhood is awesome and awesomely overwhelming, so it’s best to wait until you’re ready!

  7. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    i wouldn’t wish multiples on even my worst enemy.

  8. Zach and Whitney says:

    You know you kind of remind me of Kerri Russells character in The Waitress. If you have not seen this movie, You must! Camille, you will be an excellent mother when the time comes. I agree with Kayleen, multiples are a no no. My sister in law did Invitro and had twins and then triplets all under the age of 3. Just have one at a time.

  9. Kristy says:

    I like 4, that’s how many I am having, 1/2 way there! I personally couldn’t have my baby at home since I have c-sections, but if I did try having my first at home and then realizing that I would need a c-section that would be a bit scary not being close to a hospital. Plus drugs are beautiful. I don’t get natural birth, i’m sure people don’t say they won’t take drugs when they get there wisdom teeth taken out. And if you are scared of needles don’t get pregnant! you get SO many needles while you are pregnant.

  10. chelsie says:

    you know how I feel about having a “thing” come out of me, so i fully support you in your decision.

  11. angela hardison says:

    I love me my YAZ (it’s so fun to say if you pronounce it yeahhhzzz)…

    Very funny post. I’m terrified of the birthing process.

  12. Judith Anne says:

    Chelsie, good one for the B word(rhymes with maybe), let’s call it home thingin’!
    Sounds way more walk in the park-ish.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    I reassert my earlier opinion about having multiples. It’s for the birds! It’s not worth holing yourself up in the house for five years if you lose your sanity in the process. Forget about it is my advice. But, you’ll do whatever the hell you want, as usual. No heed from your older and wiser sister.

  14. joannachristine says:

    Even though I don’t really know you, I am from mesa too so I feel like we could be sisters. Anyway, if your birth control did in fact, fail you unexpectedly, what would you name your baby/ies. (not including any character from any of the twilight series.)

  15. Lindsey Burnham says:

    Hahaha! Wow! I laughed so hard. I.love.it.

    I don’t want kid right away, but I hope that someday I can have twins-I think that would be A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!

  16. Anonymous says:

    We better all hope to heck your meds DON’T fail you. Bringing a “child” into this world is a sacred blessing and privelage that is given to those who are worthy and choose to follow the Lord’s plan. It is evident you are NOT in any way ready, and when you might think you are, that is for the Lord to decide. Suggestion- Grow up first, then be happy with your life, then treat your husband the way he treats you- with respect. “Poor Kyle” is the understatment of the year. Today’s soaps have nothing over your blog. It is very sad and disheartening to hear people like yourself talk about such sacred things in such a shallow way. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself “Am I really happy with what I see?”, and more than that, Is the Lord happy?

  17. Jami says:

    WOW, anonymous (the last one) is one of those people that I hate in the world! They feel they can impart all their wisdom on you, because they “know” SOOO much more. Can’t they just take a freaking joke!

  18. Anonymous says:

    Jami, maybe they do know more, about the real Kyle and Camille, and, get the joke, but consider it a mask over the truth, and not funny.

    (“Hate” is not Christian. Hating unknown strangers is illogical, and a bit crazy.)

  19. Cristin says:

    Hey “Anonymous” – the worst part is that you aren’t even big enough to insult with your true identity. I hate it when people hide behind a computer. Now THAT’S immature.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Cristin…describe the insult you think you see.
    Then explain true identity in virtual communication.

    And how is it you believe you can define maturity?

    Don’t pick fights with me. I can see into any mind. Yours’ needs work.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    Your blog is just immature. You need to really grow up. What happened to what the church tells you? You know what they tell you in the temple…oh wait, you did get married in the temple right. Maybe your friends needs some advice before they get married. I can not believe the content you post in your blogs for your family and anyone to see. May your consience be your guide thats all I have to say.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Is this Jamie Parker Pitts? If so, I can not believe your comments.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Postscript, jam/cris, please don’t answer, i’ve lost interest.

    but knock yourselves out that self projection thing.

  24. Anonymous says:

    HOLY EFFIN CRAP,
    YOU PEOPLE NEED TO READ, OR THINK, OR PRAY, OR WHACK YOURSELF IN THE HEAD. THIS INTERCHANGE HAS BECOME SO FREAKISHLY EMPTY, IN WORD AND MIND. GO TO SLEEP, WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL. (Try not to offend.)

  25. Anonymous says:

    I dunno that one about this immature blog sounded good. Like its only like a year old right? Still in diapars eh.lol.

  26. Anonymous says:

    like whose this jamie parker pitts. is he like bad or some thing?
    and when your kid gets bigger can ya use that aqua thing as a kidy pool? it can all ready swim right?.

  27. Anonymous says:

    All you guys are like totaly immature, the preachey one to. like take a pill or some thing. Get it? ha ha just kidding.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Hey anonymous, what’s with all the caps? YOu freakin out? Do like THAT guy, take a pill(that was funny.)

  29. Kim and Jason says:

    Wow, holy crap Camille, boy did you get some panties in a bunch. ;-) Don’t take it personal, your entitled to your opinions, though it sucks when haters comment on our blogs.

    As for your post – I’m also on Yasmin and I adore it! No side effects which is totally awesome and my monthly “Larry’s” cause that’s what I call them, are SO much easier than they used to be. I say good call on staying with Yasmin over Yaz and the shot, because making your body have shorter periods or none altogether is actually pretty dangerous and I have quite a few friends who miscarry a ton once they get off those. I always think its best to let your body do what it needs to do, it happens for a very healthy reason ;-)

    But I swear, your reading my mail on the kids thing!! I too want four kids and it’s been slowly growing on me now that I’ve turned 30. And childbirth, *shiver* the words scare me. I always told my family, the more kids out in one birthing the better!! haa!!

    You got time girl – enjoy life as it is right now!!

  30. Chris and Andrea says:

    I love how honest you are! I haven’t seen you in a long time. How are you? This is Andrea Tellez Ulmer Ü. Words of experience…. 98% of women with a birth plan end up with emergency c-sections (I was a labor and delivery nurse). Don’t know why, but you jinx yourself with a birth plan Ü.

    Andrea Ulmer

  31. Jenn says:

    I was on the Depo shot for about 5 years. I love love loved it. No “visitor” the whole time, which to me, rocked. I had friends who said, don’t you feel unlady like. NO.
    But then some nurse mentioned there are no studies on long term use, and that I should stop. So, I went back to the pill.

  32. Maureen says:

    this is funny. i like clicking back on links to previously written posts. very amusing. which reminds me, i still need to read your post about the MVD.

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