Bruised, Beaten, Battered and Broke.

It was a week ago today I went in to have my wisdom teeth removed.

Months before the operation, I was scared.  Days before the operation, I was very scaredHours before the operation, I thought I was going to die.


But I came through it all right.

Well, sort of.

Actually, it really sucked.

I highly don’t recommend having oral surgery if it’s avoidable.

However, a week into the process, I must admit I’m feeling better.  I even forget to take my medicine on a regular basis, because the pain has given way to a dull annoyance.  My jaw is still quite tense, but I’ve worked my way up to opening it two fingers’ width—that’s just enough space for a bean and cheese burrito!  No, not a Taco Bell™ bean and cheese burrito {R.I.P. Taco Bell™}, but a homemade concoction that tastes almost exactly like it.

I’ve overcome my dread of the big, bad oral syringe, because there’s no way I’m going to be stupid and get dry socket if I can help it—I’m following all the rules precisely.  I rinse with the nasty salt water concoction (1 cup warm water + 1 teaspoon salt) after every meal.  I am doing my darndest.

Essentially, I’m conforming.  In every way.  To The Man.  I hate The Man.  The Man deemed it necessary for me to dehydrate myself before surgery, thus making my veins all shriveled up and impossible to needle.

Bruise from General Anesthesia

The Man also decided that sucking on a straw would be forbidden, but, when all I can do is swallow pureed food, a straw would really help to keep particles out of my poor, hollow sockets.

I miss strawsI suspected I’d miss using straws—my suspicion was right.  I’m a regular Sherlock Holmes.

It’s ironic, the way life works out.

I’m supposed to rinse, but not spit—The Man obviously hasn’t ever experienced that uncomfortable feeling of warm salt water dribbling down his drugged-up chin, which is a direct result of spittle prohibition.

I hate The Man.  Or at least my oral surgeon.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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11 Responses to Bruised, Beaten, Battered and Broke.

  1. Whitney says:

    I dont get all the rules. rinse and not spit? are you supposed to let it dribble out? Im glad you have eaten real food. Ive been worried about you. Everyday will get better and then you and the straw will reunite and it will feel good… so good.

  2. HeatherPride says:

    Poor Camille. But YAY on the bean burrito!! Actually…..a bean burrito sounds pretty tasty about now, hmmmm….

  3. Maureen says:

    I am currently drinking a nice cold glass of ice water, with lemon, out of a straw. ha ha ha.

    But I still haven’t had my wisdom teeth out, and probably need to, so this statement will most likely come back to bite me later.

  4. I’m so glad you’re doing better! Thank goodness we have this mess behind us, huh? I’m so bored with my chipmunk cheeks…and now on day 3…I suddenly have a bruise on my jaw. What’s up with that?

  5. Alex says:

    glad you’re recovering well – you’re through the worse & i’m sure it can only get better from here.
    also, i haven’t been to taco bell in years, but why the r.i.p.? have they gone under?

  6. I knew you’d pull through it!
    What a Champ!

  7. AlexaMae says:

    seriously that is no fun. i however, loved the laughing gas experience. i glad you’re doing better. i didn’t really listen to the doctors orders too well either….but i got screwed for that. yep, i got a dry socket. blah!

  8. Chloe says:

    I’m so glad you are recovering well! :D the worst part has already passed!
    wouldn’t ice creams make you feel better? not just for the delicious flavour (yummy!) but also because they are cold and could alleviate your pain… Hope it can help! :)

  9. jethro says:

    Och aye, wait til you’re fourty six, and have to land the personal jet for an emergency catarectomy.
    Wisdom teeth will be so twenty some years ago.

  10. niki says:

    hooray for bean and cheese burritos!

    i seriously just made the most awesome post ever.

    i know you’ll enjoy it;)

  11. Pingback: Archives of Our Lives » This is Your Brain. This is Your Brain on Drugs.

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