Change the Third

**Housekeeping: Somehow yesterday’s post was up all day with the wrong ending. I think it was fine in Google Reader, but if you read it here on the website and were a bit confused, I do apologise. It’s all sorted out now, so feel free to try again. Really, the ending was the best part. If I do say so myself. Which I do. Obviously.

**Also: Come back tonight (or any time throughout the weekend) with your Saturday Steals. If you want.

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When I look back on my life—

No, too sappy.

I am at a place where—

I am at a place? What does that even mean? C’mon, Camille, say it like you eat it.

All right, fine. It’s like this:

I don’t like school. I am good at school, but I don’t like it. The whole university scene, the bureaucracy, the formulaic research essays, the MLA format, the group work…it all really grates on my nerves.

I’ve always said the first thing I’d do when I graduate would be to flip university the bird and never go back.

Well, it looks like I might still flip it the bird.

But I can no longer say with surety that I’ll never go back.

I’m thinking about getting a Master’s degree in English. And maybe even teaching at the University level after that.

Why not just scratch your eyeballs out with a #2 pencil, Camille?

I know, it’s ridiculous. I already swore I’d never change my major but then I did. And then I swore I’d never take summer school but then I did. And then I swore I’d never go further than a Bachelor’s, but here’s the thing:

As it stands now, getting a Bachelor’s degree in English doesn’t do much for me. Oh sure, I could write, but let’s face it, I’m not tragic enough of a substance addict to be a truly successful writer (unless you count DDP, which I hope you don’t because if that were the case I’d need a rehab clinic of Lohan proportions, stat). Plus, I’ve submitted lots of my writing to lots of publications during the last twelve months, and none of them have been accepted except one (but that was lame).

So I’m giving up.

I’ve failed in life by the age of 23. (But then, I always did want to be a prodigy: World’s Youngest Failure, that’s me.)

And in lieu of that failure, I’ve decided to set my sights to more realistic goals.

As part of the requirements for the summer school class I just completed yesterday (hooray), I had to give a presentation. I chose to lecture on the role of women in Victorian England. I worked really hard on it. I researched it a lot. I spent hours on my outline. I practiced in the mirror. (I did not practice in the mirror. But I did practice.) I bought cupcakes because I wanted to be the favourite.

And I nailed it. I got 100%. And I kind of enjoyed it, too.

A few weeks later, I met my professor at a downtown café to talk about a different research project (yawn much?), and she spent twenty minutes gushing about how great my presentation was, how natural I looked up there, how I would be a prime candidate for graduate studies, how she would love to follow me through my “career,” how it would be a crime if I didn’t teach at the university level. [Suffice it to say she’s my favourite professor I’ve ever had.]

I left that meeting with an inflated ego and an inkling…

…that maybe

…I should’ve never said never.

Nothing’s set in stone yet. There are a lot of factors to consider, including but not limited to finances, mental stamina, and my prime procreation years. I don’t have a supervisor or a curriculum vitae or a prayer of an idea for a Freaking Thesis (and yes, from this point forth, any time I refer to the horror of higher education known as a thesis it will be a Freaking Thesis)…

…but I do have an inkling.

And also an enormous load of whites to soak on account of all the pants I’ve crapped just thinking about another two years of school.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in change, graduate school, I hate change, my edjumacation and me and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Change the Third

  1. Alaina says:

    Great job on your presentation! And whatever you decide, good luck – I know it’s hard to think about 2 more years of school, but if you want it, I say go for it!

  2. Maureen says:

    It’s always nice to have someone who believes in you and encourages you like that. It is part of the reason I am where I am today. I think a Master’s degree is a good idea. I went into my Master’s program with the idea that it would help me focus and figure out what I really wanted to do. I also enjoyed grad school much more than undergrad because I got to study what I wanted and not a whole bunch of other crap.

  3. the MIL says:

    I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I read that paper and I was amazed. WTG!!

  4. jami says:

    It must run in your family. Adell and your mother are natural’s in front of the classroom as well. I am positive I would want to take a class from you!!! But I hate school as well. Well I hate it less now that I have a kid…that is something to think about. But anyway, 2 more years would be hard. But it sounds like it would pay off for the rest of your life.

  5. Alexa Mae says:

    YOU CAN DO IT! You are a natural writer, and it would really be a shame if you didn’t gain as much education (whatever that means) as you can in it. You’re amazing and everything always works itself out, right?

    love ya.

  6. It’s funny how plans change, huh? I’ve noticed that a lot of times our goals and dreams are just temporary – necessary to get us to where we really need to be.

    Also, you’ve surprised me. I never thought I’d see a typo on your page.

  7. Charles says:

    Not that anyone’s opinion matters over your own, but I think that you are a fantastic writer. I only wish that I had the talent that you do. If you love it go for it. I’m rooting for you.

  8. Pingback: Archives of Our Lives » Saturday Steals: There’s No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

  9. molly says:

    Well, someone once said, knowledge is power. Whenever I utter those words, the Schoolhouse Rock theme song echoes through my head. Best of luck on your learning adventures.

  10. Leah says:

    I love that you included in your thoughts “prime procreation years”. It made me laugh. And I hear ya – that’s one of my main reasons for not going back for my Master’s! But I hope you do do it. You’ll never regret that schooling!!! And you’ve got plenty of time for procreating :)

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