**In lieu of recent Archives of Our Lives happenings [i.e. bearing my heart and soul to this here blog and its 100 daily readers], I have decided to write yet another deep, heart-wrenching, Camille-tells-all kind of post. Just as a warning.**
I’ve noticed a trend in some of my previous “Random Facts About Me” kind of posts: I usually talk about things I used to do, beliefs I used to uphold, or accents I used to embrace. In other words, when people ask me to divulge little-known facts about myself, I often revert to Childhood Camille for said random tidbits. I don’t know why—perhaps I don’t find the current me interesting enough. At any rate, I am taking this opportunity to change that. I give you:
1. I have a penchant for hats. Any and almost every kind of hat is thrilling to me. When I’m shopping and see hats for sale, I invariably try on one or two, just to see how much one of those hats could change who I am. (I have even been known to make an unfortunate hat purchase or two.) I like baseball caps, cowboy hats, gardening hats, sombreros, toques (beanines in American), and flower-woven crowns with flowing ribbon like you can buy at the Renaissance Festival. Any number of hats can make me feel sporty, or chic, trendy, elegant, or free-spirited. The only problem is…hats look awful on me. It has been one of my lifelong sorrows, and, I suspect, why I never got very far in my acting career—any girl who cannot look fittingly enough in hats could never be a movie star. Audrey Hepburn would never have been cast as Eliza Doolittle if she’d not looked so striking in that Ascot hat. And that’s a fact.
2. I have mastered the art of eating Lunchables. Yes, Lunchables. Are those still a highly sought-after choice of lunch for kids around suburban America? Because I know it was a great day for me when I opened up my brown lunch sack and found a treasured Lunchable waiting patiently to be consumed (but this is supposed to be about current me, not childhood me). Since I’m on the road a lot, I’ve found them to be the most healthful nourishment a gas station’s convenience store has to offer. And I’m good at eating them, too. I could eat them in the dark; I could eat them in the park. But that’s another post entirely…
3. I have recently (as in, within the past three or four years) become converted to the “Cover the Toilet Seat” school of thought—so much so that even if the covers aren’t supplied, I always take the time to toilet paper myself.
I’d always been taught this way, but until recently, I never felt compelled to actually use those flimsy tissue-paper coverings sometimes found in public restrooms. I don’t know exactly when I changed, but I know it was a complete conversion. And so help me, if I someday die of AIDS, the world and I will know exactly why. The stupidity and irresponsibility of my wayward days will haunt me forever.
4. I have myself so convinced that I’m going green, I even feel guilty for using tap water to refill my water bottles—and that’s the greenest way to drink water! When I need to boil eggs or cook potatoes, I have nagging thoughts that won’t leave me alone—thoughts like, “I’d better save this potato water to make dinner rolls tonight, or else it will be wasteful,” and, “I could cook these eggs another way, like in a frying pan—using this water really isn’t necessary.” I have yet to decide if this is a bad thing, or simply environmentally responsible.
5. After a long and mournful inner debate, I have come to the conclusion that green is indeed my favourite colour. It was hard to say for a while, because my favourite colour seems to change depending on what I’m observing. My favourite colour of furniture, for example, would be red. But as far as clothing goes, I am quite fond of wearing pink, and sometimes brown. However my favourite colour of house tends to be white, with black trim (a little something I learned about in Belgium). Finally, though, I could not deny it any longer: green is the colour, overall, that makes me happiest. So now you know.
6. Asking me to make a speedy decision is like politely requesting that my four month-old nephew stop screaming when he’s hungry: you can dream all you want, but it’ll never happen. Which is why 70% of our house’s interior walls are still painted the lavender colour its previous owners seemed so fond of (or else bought in the clearance aisle of Home Depot: You Can Do It. We Can Help.). I will decide what colour to paint when, and only when, I am ready to decide.
7. I don’t know the proper way to fold an American flag. I know there’s a trick to it (just like with fitted sheets), but I never learned. And every time I see Old Glory waving proudly in the wind, I feel a little bit of guilt knowing that if our flag fell down, I couldn’t walk over, pick it up, and fold it correctly. I should have been a Boy Scout.
8. I feel a perverse satisfaction when I can tear ketchup packets open right along the quarter-circle dotted line. It happens rarely, but when it does…it’s magic.