Dentistry With a Side of Self-Loathing

I have an appointment to see the dentist tomorrow, which should come as a source of deep consternation to me.

And don’t worry: it does.

I’m one of those grown-up-ish girls who doesn’t like to brush her teeth, as you might remember, and every year when it comes time to visit the good doctor (good doctor? Who am I kidding—the man’s a maniac with a drill), I spend about a week brushing furiously, trying to repent for my dental sins accumulated over the twelve months prior.  But deathbed repentance is a cheap shot, and I’m always so transparent at the appointed hour—they can see right through me, and the x-rays only have a tiny bit to do with it.  Granted, my gums never bleed at the dentist’s office because I floss daily—sometimes twice—but that’s my only saving grace, and it’s not enough.  I live in perpetual fear of contracting adult cavities, a fate worse than adult acne, if you ask me.  There’s no excuse for adult cavities , but at least people pity adult acne.

Not that I would know anything about adult acne. On account of how gorgeous I always am, even when there’s nobody to impress…

I have rheumatoid arthritis.  See my hands?  Arthritic.

Quasimodo also suffered from arthritis.  I now have two things in common with him—our faces and our hands.

I wonder if, looking like this, the dentist will have pity and let me off with just a warning?

No gums were harmed in the making of these photos.

Anyway, wish me luck.  I don’t deserve any, but I’d sure like to have some.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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20 Responses to Dentistry With a Side of Self-Loathing

  1. anonymous says:

    My toddler was laughing hysterically at these photos. For some reason it reminds me of Lucille Ball.

  2. Camille says:

    anonymous– Well, you know me: friend to the masses, entertainer of infants. Children love me the world over. : )

  3. Sarah says:

    GOOD LUCK! I’m one of those wierdos that love going to the dentist. Hope there’s no adult cavities.

  4. Holly Decker says:

    favorite line, “deathbed repentance”- in comparison to dental hygiene.
    HILARIOUS.
    and good luck :)

  5. good luck. for some strange reason, i love the dentist. and i have really bad teeth… which IS an excuse for adult cavities (coming from someone who brushes & flosses AT LEAST twice a day).

    then again, maybe it’s all that candy i eat…

  6. HeatherPride says:

    Good luck, girlfriend. If you make it through, you can celebrate with a sucker. Or is that at the doctor’s office? How about some Trident then?

  7. RatalieNose says:

    I hate the dentist. No, I loathe the dentist. I went, and left in hysterics. My dentist and hygentist were jerks. I had gingivitis and four cavities. I hate the dentist.

    Good luck!

  8. Kimberly says:

    Awesome pics. Yeah I’m not a fan of the dentist either, good luck with that. I should so floss more.

  9. anonymous says:

    I hate dentists! They’ve never been nice to me. :( In my chilhood I had one give me a nick name. Just call me yellow teeth! That poo head. >:-(

  10. anonymous says:

    antidentite!

  11. Jami says:

    I do the same thing. I have just come to the point that I tell the dentist that I am not a good brusher, and that since I am 22 and still am not good there is no point in telling me why I should brush…I already know, and am just a VERY lazy person!

  12. good luck. At least you go to your annual check-ups, and are brave enough to face the music :) Do you get free dental care in Canada too, or just medical?

  13. Camille says:

    Sarah– I don’t think that’s weird; I think that’s being a responsible adult. Thanks for the luck.

    Holly Decker– Thanks! And thanks!

    Angela Hardison– Really? Twice every day, on both counts? You win. Dang.

    HeatherPride– How about Bubbalicious™? Is that how to spell it? Who knows…

    RatalieNose– Poor you! That sounds wretched indeed.

    Kimberly– I never liked flossing until I got this one cavity filled and somehow it made food get stuck in that one little nook more often…so everyday I got a good solid chunk, and I found it so SATISFYING. And now you know more about me than you ever wanted to.

    Anonymous with yellow teeth– Who are you? White is overrated.

    Anonymous– Who are you? Antidentite back atcha!

    Jami– Oh, good, that makes me feel better.

    Molly Shumway Rawlins– I only get free dental because of Poor Kyle’s insurance. I don’t even know why I’m going tomorrow…just a cleaning, I guess. The dentist told me I have to go, so I guess I have to go.

  14. linda rae says:

    Camille…our insurance pays for dental check-ups and cleanings every six months.

    I think you should choose the bubblegum flavored fluoride treatment.

  15. Of course I will change it! I am so sorry. I forget about that sometimes. I don’t even know your married name so I couldn’t have put that on there! I just put “Kyle and Camille.” Is that okay?

    I am glad I posted about you. You always make me laugh.

  16. Cristin says:

    Ha ha, that Quasimodo reference had me laughing out loud.

  17. Camille says:

    linda rae– I hate all fluoride and the bubble gum flavour is no consolation. Did you know how to spell fluoride all by yourself? I didn’t. I thought it was o-u, but you got it right. You win.

    Emily Merkley– Yes, that’s great. Thanks so much for understanding, and not deleting me altogether.

    Cristin– You’re the first person who’s mentioned it, and I was starting to feel a little awkward about it. But truly, there’s a resemblance in that picture, huh? Pathetic.

  18. Geneva says:

    wow, that’s a lot of pictures of you flossing. way to go!

  19. niki says:

    hahahaha. loved this post! i love your writings, truly i do, and i will continue to read and still enjoy reading with few pictures, but it is such a treat to have so many pictures in one post!! thank you.

    you have a great set of chompers. beautiful. i would know. i am an ortho asst.

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