Dinner Theatre

Let me set the scene…

Kitchen table, cluttered with things not “out of place” so much as “homeless.” (Things like apothecary jars and huge white bowls and 11×17 wedding photos [leftover from the reception]). A 9×13″ pan of chicken enchiladas rests on a wrought iron trivet, steaming with gooey melted mozzarella cheese. Clear glass bowl of tossed green salad is nestled in the background, and to the side lies a bag of tortilla chips and a gallon jug of Costco salsa. (Chips and salsa are backup dinner.)

Me: (calling to the computer room) Kyle, are you ready for dinner?
Kyle: Yeah.
(five minutes later)
Me: Kyle!
Kyle: I’m coming…
(He comes)
Me: These enchiladas might be a little spicy because enchilada sauce doesn’t come in a can in this country, so I had to make my own with sour cream and jalapeños. I think I might have used too many jalapeños.
Kyle: (Takes a bite) Mmm…this is good.
Me: (With a questioning look on my face) Thanks…
(Kyle rises, refills his glass of ice water, and returns to his chair. Takes another bite. Re-rises. Meanders to the kitchen, opens the fridge, pilfers, and closes the door empty-handed. Turns to the cupboard, opens the doors and reaches for a bottle of a molasses-colored elixir of some sort. Returns to the table.)
Me: (After noticing the elixir is not elixir at all, but actually a bottle of Tony Roma’s original Barbecue sauce.) …Umm…
Kyle: (Noticing my questioning expression) Oh, it’s okay. Barbecue sauce fixes everything.

Does this mean The Honeymoon is finished? Should I be getting over the part where my cooking determines my worth as a wife–as a human being?

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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10 Responses to Dinner Theatre

  1. Steffen says:

    Haha, Camille, I love this post. Especially the part about the salad bowl nestled in the background or something like that. Genius! :o)

  2. Cristin Lassen says:

    That made me laugh really hard because for our first two years of marriage my husband put garlic salt to “fix” everything. He doesn’t do it anymore… either because he’s gotten used to my cooking or I’ve improved. Who knows.

  3. Melissa says:

    The first few years Jess put ketchup on everything. Now it is salsa. He says he likes moist things- I just think he’s still covering up my cooking- even after all these years.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Poor Kyle!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Canadians just don;’t know the value of “REAL” food. Chicken enchiladas are the best. We need to zip you some El Pato sauce along with the French Fried Onions. I think a trip to the United States OF America could fix up your woes. Might I suggest that if something is too hot add “cream of something” soup to tame it down. YOU ARE A Marvelous cook.

  6. Raygon says:

    I dont think you are alone, Camille. Most men can not appreciate a good cook. Or a beautifully set table! And who puts bbq sauce on enchiladas? Totally a non-American thing to do. best of luck to you!

  7. Spencer and Jami says:

    I give you props for trying to make your OWN enchilada sauce…I wouldn’t know what to do without my canned sauce! You are a true marth stewart, making things from scratch!

  8. lindser-lou says:

    barbeque sauce?
    you have got to be kidding me.

    but alas,
    i too have homeless apothecary jars sitting on my kitchen table, and i dont have the heart to pack them away – or any idea what to do with them!

  9. Allison says:

    Welcome to my world! Kyle would need mucho bbq sauce to choke down my grub. ~A

  10. Pingback: In An Effort to Salvage My Marriage… | Archives of Our Lives

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