Being back in Arizona has not been good for me.

I have been snippy and irritable and altogether unpleasant pretty much since the day I got here.

What’s the matter with me? All semester I wanted nothing more than for school to be done so I could be free to visit family down south, and now that I’m here, I feel so…

…well, how is it that I feel, exactly?

Let’s assess:

-I am not doing much good here.

-I am spending money and earning none.

-I am staying up too late and waking up too early, which is making me tired and grouchy and, like I said, altogether unpleasant.

-I’m eating too much.

-My face is greasy more often than not because showering and washing one’s face is tedious on a normal day, but much more so on vacation.

-I’m getting uglier.

-I have fallen out of motivation to get any good posts written.

-I feel like I should be doing more.

-I feel like a third (or fourth, or fifth) wheel.

-I feel extra. Expendable.

And I’m not sure what to do about it. I thought about packing back up and going back home, but quite frankly, I’m confused about where home is for me right now. I mean, I am home. But I’m not. Plus, I think my leaving three weeks early would make a couple people pretty cranky. Not many, but a few.

In other news, I might get to see my husband again this week. So that’s always good. Kyle puts the “fun” in my “funny;” he is the “awe” to my “some.” Maybe he can help me know what to do with my life.

Until then, any suggestions?

(p.s. Stay tuned for an exciting rebound of Project: Proxy tomorrow. It’s gonna be good.)

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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13 Responses to Extra

  1. Niki says:

    Oddly, I felt the same way after moving out and going back home for a while the first time. I knew that the people there loved me, but my room wasn’t my room any more and everyone’s lifes had remarkably gone on without me (just as mine had, but I hadn’t expected it to be so different at home.) Eventually, and it took some time, it started to feel more normal. Good luck, it’s a tough transition.

  2. Alaina says:

    Oh no…that doesn’t sound good! I think everyone goes through periods like that. I felt the same way a couple of Christmases ago when I visited with my family for a whole week. Hang in there, and I hope you get to see your hubby soon!

  3. Aw, I’m sorry – feeling like that sucks. But before you know it the three weeks will be over, and soon they’ll be nothing but a distant memory. And finding a playground always makes me feel better – especially the ones with dinosaurs.

  4. Tiffany says:

    I’ve been there too. In Mesa, no less! The only things I found to help were, sadly for a “vacation,” setting goals for while I was there. Once I decided to read an entire book trilogy during my week in AZ, all the while sitting outside looking at the Superstition Mountains because I love them. Or I pick specific places I want to visit and enlist people to go with me, so that I get place-visiting and people-visiting done at the same time. Then at least you feel like you’re doing something with a purpose. Sorry you’re feeling out of sorts and I hope Kyle gets there soon!

  5. Geevz says:

    I think the only solution is going to lunch with me :) In four more days I will have much the same condition.

  6. well, you asked for it….

    suggestion: enjoy being useless and getting nothing done. enjoy staying up late and waking late and eating out and spending money. enjoy being free. enjoy being somewhere else for awhile. enjoy not having any rules or being tied down to any schedules or deadlines. enjoy not having to do anything unless you want to.

    cuz, oddly enough, darling… when you made your list of ‘unpleasants’… i read them as my ‘dreams’. sometimes i wish i could a have a week (let alone three) of doing all those things. [not that i dont love motherhood and all it entails, mind you…] so please, do me a favor and ENJOY it.


  7. Joel says:

    I stayed for 10 days and that was way too long. I think that AZ just ain’t home no more. A few days to see my parents and I’m out from now on. Sorry that we missed each other, by the way. I’m a fail.

  8. I heard it said somewhere that you never really go home after you have left. I don’t know why, but whenever I was home for winter break I got stir-crazy after a week. That’s probably why I never take more than a week off for vacation.

    Perhaps you need a “do-nothing day”. I don’t know how much you have scheduled, but perhaps just a day you sit and reflect will let your spirit catch up with your body and you will know where you are.

    Just remember: No matter where you go… there you are.

  9. dunno says:

    Depressing. Exciting. And all in between.
    Wait for PK, he’ll make ya happy.

  10. I’m sorry you feel that way. If you’d like to eat your feelings away, I would accompany you. ;-)

  11. HeatherPride says:

    Going back home is always a mixed bag for me too. Although, for me it’s only a 2-1/2 hour drive. Not quite like going to a whole different country!

  12. Dutch girl says:

    Last Christmas people here asked me “Are you going home for the holidays?” And I would answer: “No, I’m staying home”. Having lived in many different places I’ve learnt that home is where I actually live, with my boyfriend and cat. I never visit the Netherlands for more than 10 days, and I’ll be running around like a mad woman to see everyone, so I don’t know how you feel. But if I imagine myself in your situation I wouldn’t be happy either. It’s difficult being away and it’s difficult coming back to the place you used to call home. Sometimes it makes you feel like you don’t know anymore who you are. I hope PK’s visit will help!

  13. chelsie says:

    You put the giga in my byte, I think about you Carie every morning noon and night…. that line you wrote made me think of alias!!! Sorry I have been a bad person, I have just wanted to die myself these days… If somethings that I immensely dislike in my life weren’t consuming all of my time, I’d say we need to catch up on a lot of things… but alas that thing is taking up all of my time…

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