Gas permeable might not be so bad; when it comes right down to it, I’m really just a lot of hot air anyway.

All my life, all I’ve ever wanted has been Lasik™.

Okay, not really. When I was a kid, I really really wanted glasses, so much so that I might have even lied on the eye exam (foolish, foolish girl). Mom? Dad? I’m sorry I lied on the eye exam and made you buy me glasses that you probably didn’t really have the money for and then wrecked my eyes and made it so I have to get the most expensive of all contacts available and if I had it to do over again, I would have lived my life so very differently.  I’m sorry.

I’m more sorry now than ever before, because I just talked to my optometrist the other day and he said I might be a good candidate for Lasik™, but there’s a real possibility I would still need glasses even after having the procedure done. Sad. Then, he told me he wouldn’t recommend it right now anyway because if I’m still in school (which I am and probably always will be), doing all that reading and writing and staring at a computer can continue to affect my prescription (great, I’ve chosen the one field in the world that will probably progressively destroy my eyes every day until I die), so I should wait til I graduate.  Ugh.

After that, he told me something I had never thought about, ever:

What about wearing hard contact lenses, he asked.

Say what? Hard contacts? Me? But…hard contacts stopped being cool decades ago! Hard contacts are for grannies! (This coming from a girl who was told as a teenager that she had the eyes of an eighty year-old woman {I’ve been a granny for years, really.})

The only thing I really knew about hard contacts was that when I first got contacts in the seventh grade, the optometrist recommended I go with soft lenses because I was active in sports, and soft contacts posed less of a risk of SHATTERING INSIDE MY EYEBALL if I got elbowed in the eye or something during basketball scrimmages.

All she had to say was SHATTERING INSIDE MY EYEBALL and that was the end of it—I never gave another thought to hard contacts. I knew they were not for me. I never met anyone who wore them (until years later). I just deleted them from my mind—pretended they never existed. The end.

Except it was not the end, because here I am, with the eyes, now, of a NINETY year-old woman, having just seen a new optometrist who told me quite frankly that he couldn’t believe none of my previous eye doctors (I’ve had several over the years) have never recommended hard contacts. He said he couldn’t believe I had been using the last kind as long as I had (two years), and that hard contacts would give me clearer, crisper vision than I’d ever enjoyed. He said they would change my life.

Immediately I went into shut-down mode, because that’s what I do in the face of authoritarian figures who tell me things I don’t want to hear. Because to me, hard contacts didn’t even exist. I didn’t even consider it. I couldn’t have tuned out the man better if I had stuck my arthritic fingers into my deaf little eardrums and sang, LA LA LA LA LA.  I just said, No, I’ll stick with soft lenses until I graduate and then I’ll get Lasik™; it’ll be fine.

It’ll be fine, I said, all reassuring-like, as if I knew better than the doctor. I’m so stupid.

I walked out of the exam room, feeling like my world had been turned upside-down: Hard contacts? Me? Nah…that would never happen.  But…clearer vision than I’ve ever enjoyed? That would be nice. And supposedly they don’t shatter much anymore, especially not with people as sedentary as me—I don’t think I know anybody who stays away from strenuous exercise more than me. And they’ll let my eyes breathe so much more. But I’ll only have one pair and if I lose a contact, there’s no backups, so sorry, that’ll be another three hundred dollars. GAH! Three hundred dollars! That’s insane! Actually, though, three hundred dollars is about what I’m paying for my soft contacts now—maybe even less. If I don’t screw it up and lose my hard pair, they’re supposed to last up to three years.  And…clearer vision than ever before? I can’t even imagine how nice that would be.

And that’s how it came to be that I talked myself into trying out a pair of granny contact lenses, for which I will be fitted this week, and I really hope I will like them, because clear vision sounds more delicious to me right now than a large bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and I’ve been sugar-free for the past several weeks, so pretty much NOTHING sounds more delicious to me than a large bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

But even though I’m looking forward to the mythical good vision…

…I really wish I hadn’t lied on my first eye exam all those years ago.

Kids, let this be a lesson to you.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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14 Responses to Gas permeable might not be so bad; when it comes right down to it, I’m really just a lot of hot air anyway.

  1. I don’t think I all the way knew that hard lenses existed. I think I just assumed they died with the cavemen or something.

    I can’t wear contacts anymore. I wore them for less than a year and they ruined my eyes. It was painful and still is when I don’t put goop in my eyes at night. Mike, on the other hand, can go a month without even taking his out. What’s up with that? So I’ve considered Lasik, but I’m still way too young to think of it. My prescription changes too often.

    The last time I was waiting for my eye doctor I watched a video thing on a Lasik substitute where they insert a hard contact into your eye, and it could be taken out later if you wanted. I thought that worth learning about if we ever have money for that kind of thing.

  2. DeAnna says:

    I can’t believe you lied to get glasses? Seriously I got glasses when I was 14 and HATED them. My prescription has only change three times since then, the second time my optometrist was a MORON, who thought hey your one eye is different than the other eye let’s just give you the same prescription for both, gave me migraines so I never went back to him.

    Finally went to a great optometrist last year who told me I only needed to wear glasses when I drive or go to the movies. Still, I am strongly considering Lasik, mainly so I don’t have to wear those ugly sunglasses over top my glasses when I drive. A friend of mine had her eyes done a few months ago and she said it is amazing. So I definately agree with the holding out for Lasik.

  3. geevz says:

    I can’t wait to hear how it goes! Hard contacts are still around? Who knew? Do you still take them out every night like soft?

    All of my siblings had lasik and love it but I figure every year the technology gets better so I might as well wait. You can always get it later right?

  4. whitney says:

    good luck!!

  5. sophie says:

    I’ve been stalking your blog for a while now. But I’m here to tell you that you might want to rethink getting hard lenses. Changing from hard to soft lenses may have been the best thing I ever did, and I’m holding a newborn. Hard lenses are insanely uncomfortable. I could feel them on my eye all the time. They also tend to move around on the eyeball and get stuck way up high where you can’t get it — Enough pain to almost make a grown woman cry. I also don’t know that they made my vision much better. I prefer soft lenses by FAR. However, my mom and sister have been wearing hard lenses for years and don’t seem to mind them as much as I did.

  6. sophie says:

    OH and if a piece of dust or other debris gets under it, also enough pain to almost make you cry. Depends on how tough you are.

  7. i know nothing about contact lenses. however, this has reminded me that i need a trip to the optometrist. my eyes have caught up with my 80-yr-old body.

    and…. the new look! looks great.

  8. Lisa says:

    I also really wanted glasses when i was younger but i am stuck with 20-20 vision so, I’m sorry, can’t help you there. The funny thing (to me anyways) is that when my sister was young she insisted that she would NEVER wear glasses or contacts and now she is practically blind as a bat.

    Also the new blog layout looks great! (not sure how long ago you updated it, sorry if I am the last to notice but I am a victim of google reader)

  9. Rachel says:

    I had gas permeable lenses. They take a while to get used to, but they are great. I never did wear soft contacts so I have nothing to compare it to. I had LASIK a few years ago and it is probably the best money I ever spent. Good luck!

  10. Chloe says:

    Wow! you lied to get glasses? I can’t believe it! I also wanted glasses when I was a kid, but I didn’t have to lie: at the age of 12, I really needed them.
    I’m considering the option of wearing contact lenses, once I finished my Master’s degree. But I’m pretty scared of them. I don’t like the idea of touching my eyes with my finger or anything like that.
    Though I want to make an effort: I don’t want to wear glasses for my wedding! (And I want to see!)

  11. Boy, you sure have a decision on your hands. Good luck with that.

    I’m like you…I shut down when people of authority try to tell me things I don’t want to hear. It’s like my ears automatically turn off.

  12. GRANMAMA says:

    You are a liar! You were born blind and I knew it! Don’t go on about lying on the test. It just taint so!!!
    From one who knows you.

  13. Pingback: Archives of Our Lives » Running isn’t my strong suit.

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