{Hypochondria and Me}

This is turning out to be the worst birthday week ever.

First, my sister called yesterday and told me that she had been planning on buying me Heather Bailey’s Trash Ties™ for months, but now, since I wrote about them on my blog, she’s not going to. Because now I’ll “never believe that she was going to buy them in the first place.” I tried to convince her that yes, I would believe her, but to no avail. I blew it.

I hate when that happens.

Then last night, to drown my sorrows, I ate an entire bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms™, which was a very bad idea indeed. Because not only did I throw off my record of not eating sugar (I’d made it 12 hours!!!), but it gave me a Pain.

That’s right. A Pain. I’ve got a Pain, and nothing I have done has helped. I’ve tried sleeping. And staying in bed. It was still there when I woke up this wretched morning.

I thought maybe it was just acid reflux, or maybe heartburn, but it isn’t anywhere near my heart.

It’s right there, under the maple leaf.

What is that, anyway? Did I break a rib? Or my sternum? It only hurts when I’m fully straightened out (i.e. standing up or stretching in bed). Hunching over, or curling into the fetal position, I feel just fine.
According to this diagram, it could be anything.
Photo from here.

Which means I’m going to die. Me and The Pain, in all our misery.

No Trash Ties™, and you’re going to die at 22. Happy birthday.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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9 Responses to {Hypochondria and Me}

  1. linda rae says:

    Maybe it’s a gallbladder attack. I think you need a raspberry whipped birthday cake to make you feel better. Let me just take care of that TODAY.

    And then you need a molten chocolate lava cake.

    Let us eat cake.

    Happy Birthday Eve Eve.

  2. Jami says:

    oh camille, maybe it is your apendix (is that how you spell it…probally not, but just go wiht me). I had that when I was in 8th grade, and it was terrible, and all I could do was curl in a ball. But after a while that didn’t even help, I was in pain all the time. I was throwing up, and the whole 9 yards. I hope that the pain goes away.

  3. Lindsey Burnham says:

    YOU CAN’T DIE! What a terribly selfish thing to do! You have to come down here next month! Just take lots of drugs! That always helps…

    And happy early birthday :o)

  4. HeatherPride says:

    OH! I’m so sorry about your mystery pain. But I agree, birthday cake is surely the remedy!!

  5. Joel says:

    Aimee had this problem between births. If she ate anything fattening, she would have terrible pain right about where you’ve circled. It would only happen every once and a while, but it got more and more frequent. She would go lie in bed and curl up cause that made the pain lessen. These bouts would last several hours or longer. When we got serious about kid #2, I made her go to the doctor. She went in and they found out she had gallstones. So Aimee no longer has a gall bladder, and has three little scars to prove it. And there are no more painful post-fattening food symptoms.

    So your story sounds similar to hers. Good thing you Canadians have socialized medicine so you can get free surgery. What? You aren’t Canadian yet? Oh.

    Get Canadian before you need surgery. Aimee put it off for a year or so before she went to the doctor. You’ll live, I’m sure.

  6. Geneva says:

    Well it’s not your appendix, that is typically lower right pelvis. There is a chance that it is your gall bladder, but it’s typically a pain more to the side. But if you get the same pain after eating fatty foods, that is a sign of gall stones. My guess is that it is some serious heartburn.

  7. RatalieNose says:

    I want to cry for you…

  8. Anonymous says:


    That really sucks. Maybe it’s your thyroid. (Did you get that checked yet, by the way?)

  9. Zach and Whitney says:

    Tums… They will cure anything. Just take them. I am a firm believer in them. You might even compare me and tums to the dad and windex on my big fat greek wedding. You wont die if you take them.Promise.

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