I can’t believe I actually think you’d pay me for this crap.

university

About thirty years ago, some genius had the bright idea to build a university in a valley, with all of the English classes located at the very bottom of the crevasse, and the parking lot at the highest height of the hill.  And out of all the eligible men in all the world that I could have ended up with, I married the man who lives within driving range of THAT university.  And then I changed my major to English and it’s all been downhill from there.  No, literally.  Downhill.

So every day I park Thor and hike seven miles to the depths of despair—the English section of the university, which is conveniently built underground, so as not to let even the slightest glimmer of hopeful daylight into any of the classrooms.  The dark concrete really adds to the dungeon effect. Because we wouldn’t want the students to feel alive and optimistic—that would be a disaster.

To get to these foreboding classrooms, I am required to descend a never-ending staircase that looks something like this:

staircaseOnly a little less hopeful and a lot more doom-ful.  Image from here.

It’s not that fun, but I tell you what—going down is not half as bad as coming back up.  It’s like vomit that way.

Anyway, today as I approached the top of the staircase, I happened to be following a petite woman in a sharp-looking business suit with clicky clacky pointy shiny shoes.  She walked fast, and with lovely posture.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little jealous of her put-togetherness.  However, before reaching the first flight of stairs that lead to our utter destruction, she veered off to push the button and wait for the elevator.  At the very top of the staircase; as in, there are no levels higher than where we were, so she must have been waiting for it to take her down.

I couldn’t believe it.  Here was a woman in seemingly well health, needing to get down a set of stairs, and choosing instead to take the elevator.  What’s the point?  I felt like whipping her around by the shoulders, giving her a good hard shake, and shouting, “You’re using the elevator NOW?  But why?  DOWN IS THE EASIEST PART!”

I didn’t do that.  Instead, I’m writing this post.  I’m passive-aggressive like that.

Later, while waiting for the professor to come in at the start of my last class, I remembered we were supposed to be grouping up in our previously-formed group.  I knew I was part of Group Five, but I couldn’t recall any familiar faces of who’d been in my group the last class.  For some reason, something—some uncontrollable, unfortunate force within me—compelled me to ask the kid next to me if he was in Group Five.

“No,” he said, “I’m pretty sure I was in Group Four.”

“Oh, okay,” was my reply, and if I had stopped there, it would have been fine.  But no.  Of course I never stop there.  I don’t have it IN me to stop there, do I?  I had to keep talking…

“Well, I can’t remember any of the kids in my group.  Nobody looks familiar.  I guess I have no friends.”

I GUESS I HAVE NO FRIENDS? What the eff does that even have to do with anything?  I’m so lame.  I am, and you know how I know?  Because he looked at me, the “cool-kid” guy, and said, “Oh.  That’s kind of sad.”

Kind of sad, indeed.  See, what he doesn’t know is that I don’t GUESS I have no friends—I KNOW I have no friends, and it’s my own fault, because I don’t LIKE having friends.  I usually go out of my way to wear a sneer on my face and never speak to any other students, ever.  I made it sound like I was friendless and sad about it, when in reality, I’m friendless and that’s the way (uh huh, uh huh!) I LIKE IT.

University is so hard.

At least some people are enjoying their college experience; look at what the fun-loving students in Quebec are doing:

This was shot in one take, which is pretty impressive even if you aren’t easily impressed, which I am, but whatev.  Those French girls are lovely, aren’t they? I’ve always thought European women are much lovelier than myself.  I’m often inspired to cut my bangs real funky-like after I see a whole slew of French girls.  Anyway, it was interesting to me that their university seems to be built like an underground cave, just like mine—must be a Canadian thing.

In other news, I didn’t get a scholarship this semester like last semester, so there’s that.  I’ve decided I’m going to start charging you all $1.00 per post to read my blog, and if I’m prolific enough in my writing, and you all actually pay me what you owe me, it would be like I created my OWN scholarship.  Take THAT, university!  I don’t even need you!  (Camille…that’s not a scholarship—it’s called a JOB.)

Oh.  Yeah.  One of those.

Well, if you feel so inclined to donate to the Scholarship Fund of Getting Camille Through the Vilest Experience In Her Life, go ahead and do so at your earliest convenience.  And if your convenience is, say, RIGHT NOW, that would be really lovely.

***These are just some of the Random Thoughts I’ve thought this Tuesday, and I’m posting with the intention to join up the Random Tuesday Thoughts movement—my very first try!  You can read other people’s RTTs right here.***

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in mediocrity, my edjumacation and me, oh brother what next and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to I can’t believe I actually think you’d pay me for this crap.

  1. Cristin says:

    Wow, think how many times those students had to listen to that song to get it right. That’s nuts.

  2. jami says:

    I guess being postive about school is getting hard? ahah
    I seriously laughed out loud when I read “I guess I have no friends!”
    I sais stupied things like that all the time..usually at church. Then I have to see the people I look stupied in front of EVERY WEEK!
    we are kinderd spirits

  3. TeamHaynes says:

    I started playing that video, and Taylor was like, “Ummmm. Are you listening to the Black Eyed Peas???”
    I had no idea that was them (because I frankly think Fergie is ridiculous, but that’s for another day) but I enjoyed the peppyness of the students. That school reminded me of a Northern California school I went to for a while. Very dungeon like inside.
    Upstairs but not down? Unheard of.
    I loathe group projects. When Taylor is a professor one day I’m implementing the “No Group Projects Rule.”
    Currently I’m wearing pajamas and they don’t have pockets. Meaning I have no money in my non existent pockets or elsewhere. Sad face for both of us girlie!

  4. GRANMAMA says:

    Let us think of some AMERICAN job you can do on-line to generate scholarship money. Think, baby think! (make sure your thoughts are outside the box.)

  5. Keely says:

    Wow. I thought I was the only person who said such spectacularly awkward things.

    Do a lot of good emo writers come out of that dungeon? “good emo” being sort of an oxymoron, of course.

    My dollar is in the mail. Really.

  6. Like English majors aren’t all deep and gloomy enough without having to go underground in the dark for class. Someone was not planning very well when that was built. That staircase is very cool looking, but it would drive me crazy to use every day.
    Not crazy about the French bangs; don’t go there.

  7. Holly Janeen says:

    i am NOT easily impressed, and that really impressed me.
    and there is nothing like reading your blog posts to make me somewhat happy to not be in school at the moment. which, is a good thing. because, you see, i CANT be in school at the moment and i want to be. SO i think i will keep reading. even if it DOES cost me money. ;)

  8. Kimberly says:

    Loved the video – so fun!

  9. Camberley says:

    You would hate me, because I’m a one floor elevator rider (in both directions). However, I have perfectly good excuses.

    1. I hurt my ankle a couple of weeks ago
    2. Going down the stairs in high heels really hurts my knees
    3. I’m lazy

    Wow, I sound like an old hag.

    P.S. I loved the “I guess I have no friends comment”. I was also friendless during college – that’s what I preferred.

    ~C

  10. Anonymous says:

    What happened to Pollyanna? Miss Everything-Is-Great! Where did she go?

  11. Anonymous says:

    P.S.: That was really, really cool. The video, I mean. I’m really tempted to watch it one more time. Wow. I’m totally impressed. That must have taken A LOT of coordination. I can’t believe that was only one take. Very cool. Oh, and I think the bangs would work for you. But then, any look works for you because you have such a natural beauty.

  12. jetro says:

    LCI building has always seemed like a fat bar of white concrete sinking into the valley.
    this is my first net contact after being offline for FOUR DAYS!!
    damn you shaw.ca.

  13. jetro says:

    even more tortureous is whaatever many days is being without phone and and cable. i literally went insane. what else is new.

  14. Geneva says:

    That video was excellent. I agree that college group projects suck. Although I did save hundreds on textbooks by making friends instead.

    p.s. you are getting five buck off your next service in scottsdale

  15. jetro says:

    one eye ‘tato, i haven’t met yer sis, but she’s is well spoken of, and entertains me. i might not be able to afford her, but maybe she’ll give me a family rate.
    she does have a very clear beauty of thought. someday i hope to meet her. hopefully in Etown. and EVERBODY in S.A. has told me how good looking she is. i ignore that, beauty is all in thought and speech for me. i certainly can understand how the big K can love her so much.

    don’t tell her i said that.

  16. anna says:

    Hmm, are you almost done with school? I hope so, otherwise I’m going to worry about what it’s doing to your health (physical and mental). :)

    Glad you had a fun birthday surprise, but no one could pay ME to get into a small little airplane like that.

  17. Too bad those stair cases don’t move like the ones at Hogwarts!
    That video cracked me up.

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