I Create My Own Adventure

Have you ever woken up bleary-eyed and blah, wondering what on earth you’re going to blog about for the day? Have you ever secretly wished—prayed, even—that something blog-worthy might come your way, so that you’ll have material for a new post?

Well…don’t. I never do. Wishing and praying for blog fodder is like calling the IRS and asking to be audited—it is stupid.  It’s asking for trouble.  It’s inviting the Powers That Be to smite your Tamra Camry and send her to the shop indefinitely.

That said, I have had my share of uninspired mornings, but usually I just figure that if something interesting doesn’t come up during my day, I need to add more spice to my life.

Yesterday was one of those mornings. I woke up and went about my usual routine of school, school, and more school; near the end of my day, however, I hadn’t experienced anything blog-worthy whatsoever.

“Bummer,” I thought at the end of my last class, as I bundled up for the long trek back to Thor. “I was really expecting something interesting to happen today.”

I climbed up the 200 stairs, from the lowest basement floor of the university, to ground level where the truck was parked.  Outside, I pulled my toque [beanie] and hood tighter to my face in an effort to shield myself from the piercing wind.  I walked along the dimly-lit, snow-draped pathway, and cautiously remembered all the lessons I’d been taught in the self-defense classes of my teenage years.  University campuses are notorious for abductions and date rape—I’m no dummy—so every time I make the trek to the parking lot, I adopt the same wary posture.  Last night was no different: I clutched my keys in my right hand like claws, at the ready to stab any approaching rapist who might try to attack me from behind.  Grasped in my left hand was my phone, open and poised to dial 911 at the slightest hint of an abductor.

keys-in-self-defenseIt’s like I said—I’m no dummy.  If you fail to plan, you plan to get mauled.  Image from here.

Adding to my paranoia was the fact that, with my beanie and coat’s hood pulled tight over my ears, I was pretty much deaf to any noise coming from behind me.  Nevertheless, I wasn’t about to subject my earlobes to the sub-freezing windchill; I simply vowed to be extra-cautious.

However, several minutes into my journey, and after multiple glances behind me to make sure no creepy miscreants were lurking, I gradually lowered my guard [something I rarely do].  After all, it had been a long day, the campus was deserted, and I’d never before encountered any problems on this particular route back to the parking lot.  With only one more length of sidewalk to traverse before reaching the sanctuary of Thor, and no apparent danger looming “just around the corner,” I felt my shoulders relax.  In other words…I slacked off.

My mind wandered throughout the day’s events, pondering the texts I’d read lately, and wondering if all this university stuff would ever pay off.  I contemplated topics for my blog, delighted in recalling a friend’s recent joy, and basically let down my mental hair.

Suddenly [as these things always happen suddenly], I heard footsteps—the quick, staccato sound of someone running—approach me from behind.  I snapped back to the present, wrist-rocketted my head around with the speed of lightening, and drew my only weapon—the claw-like key I was still gripping in my right hand.  My attacker was right on my tail, and I gave what I hoped sounded like a menacing roar [but more likely came out as a terrified yelp].

“STOP!” I hollered, with all the authority I could muster [because no rapist ever expects to be met with authority, and that’s the first chance a woman has to catch her assailant by surprise].

By this time, the jogger was already a stride in past me.  He stopped dead in his tracks, looked back at me questioningly, and waited for me to explain why I demanded that he stop running.

I was face to face with…

…a total dweeb.  A total dweeb with thick-framed glasses, who was obviously not trying to kill me, but merely running toward the parking lot [presumably to escape the cold].

Immediately, I realised my paranoid miscalculation, but it was too late to save face—I was already in the motion of rendering him blind and huevo-less.

“I thought you were attacking me!” I exclaimed to the jogging nerd, who had been looking confused ever since he saw me whip my head around in preparation of a knock-down, drag-out brawl.

“What?” he asked, confounded, “Are you serious?”

“Quite.  See?  I was ready to stab you with my keys!”  I held up my hand for proof, and the nerdy jogger laughed.

“I’m really sorry!  I just figured since it’s so cold, I might as well run to my car and get it over with, y’know?  But I can see how that would have scared you!  I apologise!”  So not only did he bear a striking resemblance to Bill Gates in his 20s, but he was a gentleman, too.  Nice guy, that  attacker of mine.

“Well,” I sighed, relieved, “that’s okay.  Carry on, then.  I’m sorry I almost killed you.”

“No, I’m sorry I almost killed you,” he laughed, and jogged along his merry way.

I chuckled all the way to Thor’s warm embrace, and am chuckling now, hours later, as I type this in the safety of my bed.  I’m so glad I didn’t get assaulted today.

Life.  Always an adventure.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in fiascos, It's All Good, my edjumacation and me, oh brother what next, spin cycle and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to I Create My Own Adventure

  1. SWEET! I got here first. I have to say as I read this, I got scared as I read the sound of shuffling feet coming toward you…. and was almost if not more terrified than you were at the time, I am sure! So glad it was a nerdy little guy. In my mind, I can see the dork from “Juno” and “Arrested Development” with his Jogging head band and little running shorts, once you unveiled him as a geeky runner. Thank you for the laughs out loud. It must be exciting to live your life. :)

  2. You know, now that you do your blog on wordpress, you could probably just print and publish your blog as a book and sell a million copies as is… just an idea I had in this moment.

  3. anna says:

    Ha! That’s totally awesome. During my days at ASU, I walked to my car about 1,000 too many times at night (sometimes it was nearly two miles). But I always had my key ready to stab. However, I never had an adventure like you created for yourself.

  4. Cyndi says:

    You sure know how to tell a story, and make for some funny times – happy weekend!

  5. I always hated those early morning or late night classes and having to walk to my car in the dark. Scared me everytime. I related to everything here, except the part about the attacking dork. I don’t think I’ve ever accused someone of trying to kill me. Yet. Great Spin! You’re linked!

  6. HeatherPride says:

    I think all that winter weather up there has made you a tad paranoid? That’s an awesome story. Poor jogger dweeb.

  7. Whitney says:

    wow that was intense! I carry my keys like that too. My hometeacher is a security guard and he told me I should so I do. Im sorry about your frightening event. I would have probably done the same thing. I bet that guy is still laughing.

  8. Laufa says:

    What made you so paranoid? At least it was a “dweeb” with a sense of humor. Glad your adventure ended with a happy ending!!

  9. Holly Decker says:

    i have mace on my keychain… and there have been many a time when i asked myself… “do i spray it NOW? or should i just show them i have it… to threaten them? should i just… wait until he gets closer? what if its too late… should i spray it… NOW? no, NOW?”
    i almost sprayed a dog once.

    hilarious story- and i am glad you are safe, and prepared.

  10. Christal says:

    I love the way you write thanks for the tips on how to protect myself too. You are so funny glad the jogging nerd was doing just that! Sometimes we freak ourselves out so bad we really think its going to happen kind of why I don’t watch horror movies ha ha! {and for some reason I’ve come to your blog the last little while thinking you hadn’t posted and then realized it was saved on a back post} anyway loved reading the other posts too! Your hair looks great! And I moved from a F to a B so I’m moving up in the world eh!! Hope your having a better week! ttys

  11. Lindsay says:

    jared snuck up on me when we were first married and i karate chopped him right in the shoulder. the sad part was, that was my first reaction and wasnt doing it to be funny. it’s just the first thing my body did before i even yelped. seriously mental.

    but i bet that dweeb went home and told all his friends on World of Warcraft of the almost-battle between him and the elf princess in the parking lot.

  12. You’re right. Life IS an adventure!

  13. Kingsmom says:

    I am a constant bundle of paranoia. Thank goodness for dweebs.

  14. Granmama says:

    Did I ever tell you about the time I walked home from ASU on Halloween night? It was one of the scariest experiences of my life. Everyone was honking and throwing things at me. I felt like a goblin that was trembling inside. I am glad your
    “attacker” was minding his own C anadian business and brought no harm to you.

    My question is=====What are your plans for recuperation after your extraction of FOUR wisdom teeth on Friday the thirteenth? Do you believe that is asking for bad luck or a hard time with your procedure??????????????????????????????????

  15. oh man, I am so glad that he was a dweeb and not an attacker! You had me freaked out there for a minute.

    Cute story though. You have quite the way with words!

  16. anon10 says:

    Scary! But, way to be precautious!
    Luckily it was no freaky attacker, because what entertainment could replace that of
    Archives of our Lives?

  17. Heber A. says:

    Nice people are good, I like them generally. Your description of your clawed hand was delightful and how you expained you were about to kill him.

    Oh, and I just noticed the little “A” symbol on my IE tab, it looks cool.

  18. jethro says:

    That key thing never works. Buy some mace.

    If you could, tell your MIL her Mom is telling nekkid story about her on http://www.myburntcookies.blogspot.com.

  19. I would love to know what the “attacker” told his roommate, girlfriend, mother so whoever……….because you know he told somebody. Great spin.

  20. Shangrila says:

    Once, leaving the college campus, I heard the echo of footsteps ahead of me on the path between the college and the parking lots. The path was dark, shadowed in the moonlight and the avenues of trees on either side looked like a fairytale wood with streetlights at either end (who designed that, anyway?! Idiot…) In the fog, I made out the form of a big, big guy. I froze and tried to say something as I slid keys between my knuckles….then he moved closer and just as his face became clear enough to make out, he jumped a foot, clutched his heart and half-shouted “Whoa! You scared me!” Then we had a good laugh, that cute black man 3X my size and I!

  21. You are so crazy!

  22. That just made my day!

  23. niki says:

    oh my….hahahaha. this was good. i laughed out loud. it reminded me of our ‘intruder’ from last week. similar experience. maybe i will blog about it. thanks for the inspiration.

    i’m totally impressed that you had the guts to yell at your attacker. they say if you’re walking to your car alone and you feel as though somebody might be coming after you, to act like a lunatic…glare at them and bark. that’s what they say…

    or you could carry around joggers mace like i do. i’m totally paranoid.

    they also say awareness is half the battle. i’ve got that half covered.

    thank you for the link. i feel so loved. i said it in my post and i will say it again, this experience has been so much sweeter with friends like you to share in my excitement.

    xoxo.

  24. Tisha says:

    Oh my HECK! That is SO funny!! I love it! I totally do the same thing when I walk to the car by myself!! Although, I’ve never stopped a passing jogger!

  25. Carmen says:

    So Bill Gates in his twenties, eh? Hmmm…doesn’t mean he’s simply an innocent jogger. See what I mean?

    P.S. This is Jeff, and I hope that you can add HTML links to your comments.

  26. I’m glad you weren’t attacked.

    Guess what? Today at church someone said to me (in front of like five peole), “Are you having a boy or girl?” To which I say, “Ummmm… I’m not having a baby.” Then she says, “Well, you LOOK like you are!!”

    Yeah. Do you wanna know how much I wanted to chuck the copy machine at her head? It almost made it worse that she is mentally challenged… because aren’t they more “honest” like little children? Really great on my self esteem.

    Not sure why I felt compelled to tell you that. Maybe I just thought you’d appreciate the story and feel bad for me.

  27. Anonymous says:

    I’m glad, too! What would I do without a sister?

  28. anonymous says:

    HAHAHA that is totally something i would do!

  29. colepack says:

    VERY glad it was a false alarm.
    Me, I do look for stories each day….

  30. Rachel says:

    hahaha! That cracks me up, because any time I’m walking somewhere alone I am just as poised and ready and paranoid as you are. I do admire how you yelled stop though. I always fail the yelling part of self-defense classes. My vocal chords seize right up!

  31. Cristin says:

    Okay, that picture with the keys. That is how I walk when I am just going down the street to get the mail. I am paranoid beyond belief.

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