I Love You So Much It’s Almost Cliché

I’m back in Canada now, where I live permanently (until we fall into riches and can become snowbirds, that is).  I spent Friday evening flying from Phoenix to Canada, but moments before my dear friend took me to Sky Harbor, I sat at my sister’s kitchen table noshing on a Shredded Beef and Cheese from Burrito Express™.  I took a look around the place and I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness to be leaving.

Camille with Nephew

I looked at my sweet-faced nephew, who still doesn’t know my name, who will probably be potty trained the next time I see him, who won’t be best friends with his cousins—my unborn children—because he won’t live just down the street from them…he’ll live a country away.  I got kind of choked up, but I held myself together until I got to the check-in counter at the airport, and then I sort of lost it.  If only I didn’t love everyone so much—well, let me rephrase that: I don’t love everyone in the world—I don’t even love many people.  But the ones I do love, I love dearly…deeply…so much it’s almost cliché.

As the plane zoomed further and further away from my hometown, I couldn’t quite name the feeling in my self…was it homesickness?  Loneliness?  Sorrow?  Or excited?  Giddy to see Poor Kyle, who had been back in his country for several weeks?  I finally decided it was all and none of those things, and that all this thinking about feelings was bad for my soul…so I got over it (but not really; I’m never really over it).

Simplicity Window Treatment

The bad news is that before I left Mesa, I was only able to take pictures of the project at it’s 95% complete state—I had to leave my poor sister to finish the rest.  That’s bad for two reasons: 1) My sister is already stressed out by nature, and probably hates me for leaving her with a bunch of little tasks to wrap up all by her lonesome, and 2) I don’t have fully polished pictures to show of the completed project.  Maybe tomorrow?

The good news is that I got fresh-from-the-tree, home grown lilacs today.  For free.

Organic Free Range LilacsMy free range lilacs, pre-pruning.  (Also, for one day in my life, I was glad the previous owners of our house got purple paint for cheap and slapped it on every wall in sight—it matched my lilacs!)

Organic Free Range Lilacs, Post-PruningI cut down some of the greenery and switched out the vases (probably to my mother-in-law’s disgust), and like them even more.  Tomorrow I might go crazy and cut out all the green—what do you think, should I do it?

My mother-in-law and I picked them from her next-door-neighbors’ yard (with their permission).  I brought mine home, picked out leaves, and let them fall into the vase where they landed, just like Cecilia Tallis in Ian McEwan’s Atonement did with her wildflowers and the fancy vase.  It was very liberating; I felt so organic, like a hippie but in this decade.  My house has been smelling like heaven all day.

It’s sad to be away from home, but it’s good to be home.  How weird is that?

Anyone else having some unsettling funk hovering over them this week?  How about the fact that it’s already the month of June?  Weird.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in Canada, family, nephew, sad things, the great state of AZ, thisandthat and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to I Love You So Much It’s Almost Cliché

  1. Please explain to me how almost half of this year has already gone by. Scary.

    Pretty flowers.

  2. Granmama says:

    I LOVE, LOVE< LOVE Everything. It is so pretty. Thank you. What a wonderful Mother’s Day/Birthday/ Valentine’s Day/ Anniversary/ LOVING LIFE and hoping to survive surgery gift this is. And now, behold, MY JOY IS FULL!!!!! I miss you too and I love lilacs. Remember the lavender we got last year in Portland?????It reminds me of lilacs. I love you more than I love myself. Thank you.
    Granmama (Preston remembered me and was so excited to see me.!!@!!!!!!!)

  3. Anonymous says:

    Love them! I have finished product pictures and video. Want me to e-mail them? I don’t know how to e-mail a video. Is it possible? Do I just do it as a regular attachment? We musn’t keep your readers waiting any longer. Tell me how to do this, and I’ll send them! I miss you, too. So does Pres. He called your name today! Swear.

  4. mameelynn says:

    Well I can’t wait to see the before and after pics!! What we have seen looks awesome! I completely understand the funk that you have going/leaving home. Being an import like you I have that feeling a lot. Even more so now that I have children. I talk to my sister and her children that live in Nova Scotia and so often I can’t believe that I haven’t seen her for three years, that she hasn’t seen my boys and that she most likely won’t see them for a very long time. I always get a little home sick at this time of year. Maybe it is because of not being around all of my family at my birthday or maybe it is just that our wedding anniversary gives me a number as to how long it has been… I don’t know but I just keep faith that some day we will have the ability to see everyone any time we want.

    I love your lilacs! They are so nice but are gone so fast! Some how winter seems to take forever but then spring and summer just fly by and all to soon it is winter again! I hope you don’t end up breaking your vase like Cecilia did…. (I loved the story but really I find him a bit long winded to say the least!)
    I would leave some green in… I think that you need it to really appreciate the beauty of the flowers!

  5. Jenn says:

    Funny you mention your unborn children not being best friends with their cousin, because I feel like that a lot as well. I think about who I want to live close to when my children are here. I am sad that my parents live so far away in my hometown in South Florida. But I also really love it in New England, and don’t want to go back to Florida. It’s so hard being a grown up.

  6. shalynna says:

    This made me want to cry, but yet it was one of my favorite posts from you. I guess because you showed us your “sensitive side.” :) I kind of know the feeling of leaving home, family, and everything you knew and going back to another country, but being happy to go back because your husband is there. My only thing is that I am only temporarily here and I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if it weren’t that way. But, thank goodness you aren’t from East Coast to West Coast or over an ocean or something. You’ll be able to visit Mesa often in your life (hopefully someday I’ll be there during one of your stays!) and that probably brings a lot of comfort.

    Well, those flowers are gorgeous and I can’t wait to see the new room pictures. I love what you said about your sister being stressed by nature- that is the exact same way my sister is. She stresses ME out just by talking to her sometimes! Your mom’s comment above is so sweet. :)

  7. Chloe says:

    I’m sorry for you… I know the feeling of leaving home. Come on, cheer up!! Think about ice creams, swimming pools and Poor Kyle. That will make your day!!

  8. ann marie says:

    I agree with the comment above. ^
    It’s good to see your sensitive side come through.. I still don’t know how you ended up in Canada.. Is their an earlier post that says?
    Can’t wait to see the results!

  9. raygon says:

    I feel the same way when I leave my famliy. Once I have been away from them for a few months I dont miss them so dearly. But when I am fresh from spending time with them, it is too easy to remember how great they are and it makes it hard to leave. Biggest bummer of living here? My kids wont know their Arizona cousins either. We only see them once a year. Maybe we will fall into riches too and become snow birds. If we do, you would be welcome to come stay with me anytime.
    Hope you post the finished project. I cant wait to see it. I love those curtains!

  10. Jackie says:

    I know exactly how you feel, Camille, but in reverse! I left the place I’ve lived most of my life, Edmonton AB Canada, to now live in Calhoun, Georgia! Home is definitely 2 places for me, Calhoun & Edmonton. Each time I fly into and out of Edmonton, I tear up, but it’s good to come “home” to Georgia too.

    And I know EXACTLY how you feel about your unborn children not getting to know your nephew! My brother in Edmonton has 3 children, 1 is the age of my middle daughter, 15, and we know him pretty well from the time we lived there, but his youngest are only 2 and almost 1, and I’ve seen the 2 year old twice and never met my youngest nephew! And that’s only me that’s met them; my kids have NEVER met or seen either of them! It distresses me greatly at times-to the youngest two, we’re just going to be those relatives in Georgia that they don’t know or get to see. Alas, it’s so expensive for a family of 5 to fly between here and there. I feel your pain!

  11. Camille,
    You are a good person.

  12. niki says:

    i don’t really know the feeling, but i can definitely imagine it.

    your lilacs are so lovely.

    my unsettling funk is that you never came back by to pick up your bowl. sure, i can deal with the bowl still being here, but i was looking forward to seeing you again.

    do you hate me after really meeting me for the first time????

  13. anna says:

    Pretty little flowers.

    I’m sorry you’re away from “home”. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about moving away from family and the thought of it chokes me up. Heaven forbid it should ever become a reality!

  14. Kat says:

    I have these same feelings about my family. We are very far apart too and it just kills me inside. The feelings are so intense and strong that they bring me to tears often. I’m glad that you were able to spend some time with them.

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