If I Die Today, I Hope at Least I Get Salsa as My Last Meal

I have heard of some people reading my blog, who live in constant fear that they will make me angry and I will in turn blog about them. Like I’m some sort of holy terror who could wreak havoc upon their lives at any given moment. I don’t know what gave them that idea…

And for one family, that nightmare has become a reality.

Okay, not really. Nobody’s made me angry, and I’m not trying to settle any scores–just cover all my bases. But I do want to publicly announce that Friday May 23, 2008, at 12:30 p.m., I am meeting “Aimee and Joel Yates” at Rosa’s on Mesa Drive and University in Mesa, Arizona.

I use quotation marks around “Aimee and Joel Yates” because, according to friends and family (only one friend and one family member), these people will kill me, and kill me good.

The alleged “Yates” family consists of a mom, a dad, and two children. Natives of Arizona, but immigrants to the mid-west, I immediately trusted this family when I read their blog. Perhaps it was because I was flattered that perfect strangers found my blog, and even better: found me funny. Or maybe I immediately trusted them because of their angelic-looking son with bright, colourful blueberry eyes. At any rate, I have been reading their blog for the past several months, and they mine; I feel like I know them.

So when they realised we would each, respectively, be visiting our native land of AZ this week, I was thrilled and flattered to be invited to meet them for lunch.

Not giving it another thought (aside for the niggling worry that I will somehow stick my foot in my mouth and act like the terrible social idiot I am [which isn’t exactly an unwarranted fear, might I add]), I agreed to the rendezvous.

And now, according to one friend and one sister, I am walking straight into a trap of certain death and despair.

“You could be kidnapped.”

“You could be attacked.”

“You could be blankety-blankety blanketed.”

Good heavens, I never thought of that. But…they “Yateses” seem so nice! Surely they are legit–I mean, they have their own blog. With pictures. And kids. And one of them attended a high school right around the corner from mine–and it wasn’t even Mountain View! Surely they’re good people. Right?

“Anyone can start a blog.”

“Anyone can kidnap children and post photos on a fake blog.”

“Anyone can claim to attend a high school right around the corner from yours.”

Oh.

Well, I still think they seem nice, and plus–plus! they think I’m funny. So they must be good people.

Therefore, I am indeed going to meet them at 12:30 at Rosa’s on Mesa Drive and University, and if I don’t publish an update post tomorrow night, you’ll know I’ve been horribly mauled–killed, even–by this fraudulent family.

…At least my last meal will have been Rosa’s chips and tomatillo salsa. If I go out, I’m goin’ out in the very thralls of joy.

*p.s. Aimee and Joel, please don’t kill me tomorrow–I’m so looking forward to meeting you and enjoying Rosa’s tomatillo salsa. Dying would put a real damper on my day.*

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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19 Responses to If I Die Today, I Hope at Least I Get Salsa as My Last Meal

  1. Aimee says:

    Golly, Camille. I hope you’re not getting an ulcer over this lunch date. And obviously your family doesn’t read our blog, or they’d know it’s ok to meet us.

    However . . .

    Now that I find out you are a tomatillo salsa lover, I may just have to kidnap and torture you until you have turned your nose to such weak sauce and crave only Rosa’s signature red salsa. :) But, since I tried that with Joel and it didn’t work, bring 2 bowls of tomatillo and one bowl of red for me and we’ll enjoy our chips in peace.

    5 hours til our face to face. See you then!

    *How does Poor Kyle feel about this rendezvous?

  2. Camille says:

    Oh, Aimee–

    I, too, once turned my nose up at the suspicious-looking green salsa. But alas…I have seen the light. It is truly the only way to go. Sweet, yet tangy; spicy, yet surprisingly mild. Such a complex salsa is the perfect fit for a walking contradiction of a girl like me.

    Oh, and I think Poor Kyle is fine with the meeting–any time I eat Mexican food and he doesn’t have to, he feels a great sense of relief.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I LOVE the new songs- his voice is oh, so relaxing! Anyways, I must agree with Adell. You can never be too safe when it comes to the danger of your life, which, if taken, would lead to many mourning blog readers. You shoud meet them, for sure. Just be in “phase red”(I learnt that phrase from a self-defense class we once took for mutual- never escaped me). Have your cell phone ready, and meet in a public place. good luck!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    It is quite obvious that you, once again, will not heed my legitimate concerns about these alleged Yates people. Don’t you know that I’m always right? Ok, will pretty much never. At any rate, I do hope you don’t die; Preston would miss you terribly, and I think P.K., Mom, and I would feel a bit bad too. Probably even Clint.

  5. Anonymous says:

    P.S.: I think, should you return from this ill-fated lunch rendezvous, you should bring some tomatillo salsa home; it’s Clint’s favorite, and I’m a bit partial to it myself. How about one red and one green?

  6. linda rae says:

    If you die will you pleeeease let me have your red KitchenAid?

    Thank you.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I looked over the Yate’s blog. They seem like sincere and nice people, not the serial killer type. I’m sure you will be fine.

  8. Anonymous says:

    if they really were serial killers, it’s not like their blog would show it.

  9. Loralee Choate says:

    You have never gone to dinner with me!

    HMMPH!!

    I am now shunning you.

  10. Aimee says:

    I can’t believe we didn’t take pictures! What kind of bloggers are we?!? Also –

    Be looking for something for you in your parents’ mailbox. (Yes, I did look up your parents’ address in the phonebook, but I promise I’m not a stalker.)

    I chastized Joel heavily yesterday for taking what you gave him at lunch. I thought you had given him half that, which was still more than our original intent to treat you, and then when Joel used that cash later in the day to rent our bowling shoes . . . I do apologize.

    Oh, and your mom was in Joel’s dad’s yearbook. So Joel’s dad would be a junior in your mom’s sophomore yearbook, if you’re looking for a chuckle.

    Thanks again for a great time!

  11. Cristin says:

    Alright, now I am mad. We have never met, Camille. So, one day WE need to meet in AZ and go out to dinner. You can blog about it and call me, “Cristin Lassen” – it’ll be great.

    Wait – I just realized that you put Jason Castro on your playlist. JASON CASTRO?!?! Forget it. Dinner’s off!

  12. Anonymous says:

    sounds like you survived- good. and what’s wrong with cristin? castro’s da bomb!

  13. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    you’re dead now, aren’t you? *tsk* such a shame.

    i really hope they blog in heaven. (or hell)

  14. lindser-lou says:

    first of all, i was thinking we could plan a lunch and invite some of the old high school group…and then the more i think about it, maybe not. I want you all to myself. For blog talk, a bit of shopping and another indulgence of mexican food. (were you ever a fan of burrito express?) and how about this coming Tuesday? i have tuesday and thursday afternoons off so either of those days would be great for me.

  15. Anonymous says:

    No new blog, eh? This is making me slightly nervous… They didn’t kill you, did they??

  16. Anonymous says:

    i’ve heard through the ether camille is in fine shape, no killing involved.

    perhaps thinking. hearing the sweet fine music of life.

  17. Anonymous says:

    love the salsa verde!!

  18. Anonymous says:

    i do like tomatillo salsa, also. i’ve only made my own though, no rosa’s in my neighbourhood.
    alas and alack.

  19. Cristin says:

    You are right, Tehachapi is secluded, hidden away from society… I’m not kidding. It IS very isolated. BUT perhaps we will be in AZ at the same time someday…

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