If you’re not constipated it’s not the end.

This is the story of the labour and delivery of the last thing I had to do for school, which was also the hardest thing I did for school.

For my entire university career.

That includes dealing with red tape, which if you ask me (of course you did you’re reading my blog) is the absolute most painful aspect of attending any higher education institution: bureaucracy. (p.s. Bureaucracy is the hardest word ever to spell. Not at all how it sounds.)

This paper was way worse than both the spelling of and dealing with bureaucracy.

Here’s how it went down:

I was ready to take the final final exam of my life…

and I was relieved…

but only briefly…

…because the worst was yet to come.

My task: to write a 25-page paper on the contemporary (now dead) literary mastermind David Foster Wallace (none of whose books are at all easy to read/understand [all of whose books are, however, fantastically rewarding to read]), which paper I had to start/finish in six days.

I mean, I did have like four months to work on it. And in normal semesters I would’ve at least gotten a head start on it. But this semester was not a normal semester. And although I did try to think about the paper in advance, by the time I got through with all the other crap I had to do for my other classes, it was six days to due date and I was stressin’.

I came home and plopped on the couch and only enjoyed it for like a second before I had a nervous breakdown because I had a 25-pager due in six days and people, I had nothin.

See: donning the face of stress.

I got a little desperate:

Then I got a little anxious:

It wasn’t pretty:

But poor poor Poor Kyle came home and like a good husband talked me down from my ledge (he’s a good man), and gave me a spark of an idea that got the academic juices flowing and before I knew it I had a very solid outline indeed sketched out:

Of course, I updated my facebook status as I went along, because if a tree falls in the forest and I don’t update my facebook status about it…

I ate some quality meals to get me through the worst of it (you should’ve seen the living room floor littered with emptied DDP cans):

But I trudged along, sludged along, and before long I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel:

My spirits even lifted high enough that I could begin to start thinking consciously about others once more:

And then:

And then:

And now:

I’m exuberant and/or constipated.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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15 Responses to If you’re not constipated it’s not the end.

  1. Alaina says:

    Whew, it’s done! So happy for you! And I agree, you have to update the Facebook…how else are people going to know your pain?

  2. CaJoh says:

    Congratulations on finally finishing. It always seems endless until it ends. Now on to bigger and better things.

  3. Shesten says:

    Yay, Camille! I’m so happy for you. Now, churn out your first novel, wontcha? ;o)

  4. Chloe says:

    So happy for you! And proud of you!!!

  5. the MIL says:

    Best grades ever!!! Congratulations from your favorite MIL!!!!! Celebrations to follow.

  6. Tisha says:

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!

  7. Geevz says:

    I totally went Yay yay yay out loud! I’m super excited for you! Congrats!

  8. DeAnna says:

    Yay!!!!!! Good job!!!!

  9. Kristen says:

    Congratulations!!! So happy for you! Those grades are a thing of beauty : )

  10. Molly says:

    I’m proud of you. Elephants gestate for like Years, so I suppose it’s a good analogy, Now I’m sure before we know it you will be talking about a real pregnancy.

  11. Lindy says:

    Amazing! So happy for you! Xxx

  12. Dutch girl says:

    25 pages in 6 days?? I’m SO impressed. Your grades are amazing. You are amazing. Enjoy freedom!

  13. irene says:

    congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

  14. Maureen says:

    Hmm, no A+ in Self Discovery? I’m not sure you discovered yourself well enough…

    Ok, I’m kidding : ) Those are awesome grades.

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