Good Thing I’m So Goal-Oriented.

Once upon a time, I set my New Year’s resolutions in February.

It worked for me.  I knew I was going to break them all anyway, so why start in January when the rest of the world is equally failing?  February suited me.

This year I am once again jumping on the bandwagon of traditions, but I’m not waiting until January first. I started today.

My first resolution was a joint goal with a friend: lose 25 pounds in six months.  Together, we have committed to exercising at least four days a week from now until June 31st, and for every day we work out we will each put a quarter (25 cents) in a jar.  For every pound we lose, we’ll put a dollar in the jar.  Hopefully by June 31st, we’ll have worked out and lost enough weight to have a fairly decent down payment on a pair of jeans from the Buckle™.  [At least, jeans are my incentive. Chelsie might choose something else, but whatever it is, we’ll be shopping together.]

If I lose 25 pounds, I will be 10 pounds lighter than I’ve ever weighed in my adult life.  What an exciting thought.

Also, we aren’t eating sweets.  I’ve had no less than 10 opportunities to eat sugary sweets today, and I’ve passed them all up.  Perhaps you might be proud of me, thinking I’m getting my health in order and starting the year off on the right foot.  Maybe it seems like I’m full of will-power and self control.

You’re wrong; it’s going to be a very long six months.

Don’t worry, though: if I fail at this weight-loss resolution, I’ll have about a million chances to succeed at something else.  This year, I have a long list of ways I’d like to better myself.  On the off chance you might be interested to see what I’d like to improve, I’ve listed my resolutions here for all the world to see…

…In poem form.

I Resolve

An Archives of Our Lives Original

I resolve to grow my hair,

To trim my nails and floss with care;

To brush my teeth both morn and night

Despite the days I’m tucked inside.

I resolve to swear off pop,

[To really, really, really stop].

And furthermore, I’m spurning sweets

Which is, for me, a loathsome feat.

On top of that, I’ll wear more hats,

And learn to love my belly fat.

I’ll read my camera’s owner’s guide,

And take more pictures from outside.

I’ll do my best to blog each day

To earn some cash the AdSense™ way;

So when I am done with school

I’ll be a high-paid English fool.

As usual, I’ve set the standards high for myself:  Brush my teeth every day even if I’m not seeing people; read up on taking pictures; try and earn money of my very own {legally, if at all possible}.  If I accomplish even one of these pathetic resolutions, I’ll have really accomplished something.  Obviously, I view New Year’s Eve as an overrated time to set goals—sometime I’ll share with you my life list of things to do, which is far more interesting than the willy-nilly fake goals I set every year as a joke.  Until then…

…Happy New Year, everyone.  Do something nice for yourself and set the bar low this midnight—I’m pretty sure you’ll thank me later.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in failures, I hate change, It's All Good, mediocrity and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Good Thing I’m So Goal-Oriented.

  1. Pingback: Health Blog » Blog Archive » Good Thing I’m So Goal-Oriented.

  2. Pingback: Weight Loss » Blog Archive » Good Thing I’m So Goal-Oriented.

  3. raygon says:

    25 pounds!?! Are you serious! Holy Moly, Camille.

  4. HeatherPride says:

    Happy New Year, Camille! Keep those teeth bright and shiney! hee

  5. shannon martens says:

    I also plan on giving up sweets as well, and what a chore that will be,it will be harder than giving up smoking was. I also plan on losing at least 45 lbs in 6 months. So I’am interested to see how this will work out for us. Good Luck, and everytime I want something gooey, sweet, chocolate, I will think of you for insinitive.

  6. Holly Decker says:

    i did not see the weight loss goal coming… good luck with that! at least you have a buddy to keep it with :)

    and bravo on the poem… somehow i would like to think (because i am egotistical in every sense of the word) that you wrote it because i always write you poems :)
    but i agree… its hard to bring yourself to brush your teeth when you know that you will encounter no one that day.

  7. anonymous says:

    good luck!

  8. niki says:

    hats off to that poem!

    great advice, thank you.

  9. jeffallan says:

    Cutting the sweets is a great idea. I guess i’m lucky, i’ve never had a taste for them. I can’t remember the last time i tasted chocolate, years ago i’m sure.
    And oh, you contributed to the nicest new years gift i’ll get this year…last night i made a comment on Eddie Ross’s blog wishing him a happy new year, and this morning he emailed me to wish me the same, From Jaithan and He. Even started it with “dear Jeffrey”. Is that adorable or what? My brush with fame. Happy New Year Camille.

  10. WhoNose? says:

    Don’t worry I don’t even mess with resolutions anymore. Don’t believe in them. They do nothing but lower my self esteem when I can’t accomplish them.

  11. anon10 says:

    I have always tried to have my resolutions ready at the stroke of midnight so I could begin right off, but this year I did sometihng different. I am giving myself this whole day to think and really find what I want to change.
    Godd Luck with your resolutions. I am sure you can do it!

  12. I am going to take up the tooth brushing resolution with you. The older I get, the more I have to come to grips with the fact, that my teeth might just decide they are tired of the negligence, and depart, which would be HORRIFIC! :) love you and your honesty.


  13. Kyle's Uncle says:

    I resolve to start saving my more sentimental emails. For later reflection.
    Course, only my Mom and my Sis email me. Not that i’m counting.
    I started last night…saved a sweet story from Mom about playin’ organ for some old guy’s funeral. Subject matter rarely matters, it’s just so lovely to read my Mom’s words. She’s a sweet lady.

    That’s all i know.
    (Sorry, i ripped that off from the mentioned email. I don’t think she’ll sue.)

  14. Kimberly says:

    I love it! Your poem is so great, how clever of you ;-)

    I seriously do love the idea of the quarters in the jar for every workout. I need some serious incentive like that and what a great idea. And maybe to take it one teensy step further, instead of MY quarters going in the jar for every workout I do, I think I’ll ask Jason to put in a quarter – ha!!! After all, he will be reaping the benefits as well. !

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