{I’ve Never Felt so Lame in all My Life}

Me: Babe, I think today’s the day.

Poor Kyle: What day?

Me: The day I’ve been dreading all my life.

PK: Gosh, you’re so dramatic. What are you talking about?

Me: I think I am going to see a movie all by myself today. In the theatre. Alone.

PK: Oh, good. Take that gift card on the dresser and get in free.

Me: Aren’t you going to try and talk me out of it?

PK: Why would I do that? I don’t care if you go…

Me: Oh, I don’t know. It just means I’m depressed or something, and if I’m actually going to do this, then I’m probably only a step away from drinking a whole bottle of laxatives and defecating myself to death…

It’s true. I’ve always known this day would come. I have put it off for years, but there was no avoiding it. Today I went to see a movie–in the theatre–all alone.

I don’t know how it happened, really. I hadn’t planned it in advance. But for some reason, when I woke up this morning (the second time, that is [first I woke up to water the garden and help Poor Kyle take apart our bed. Then I went back to sleep and woke up again at a more holy hour]) I just knew it was going to happen. I said to myself, “Self…today you have to see a movie all alone. In the theatre. Lonely. And it will be Mama Mia.”

So I did it. I mean, when one’s fate is written in the stars like that, there’s absolutely no sense in fighting it.

But I did bring my camera along to document my bout with depression. Looking back, though, I’ve concluded that filming my experience was kind of cheating; I was never fully alone, since I had my camera to talk to. Nevertheless, it was a fear conquered (somewhat), and I’m crossing it off my list so I’ll never have to do it again.

Have a look:
[It’s long, so scroll to the middle if you just want to see the Mama Mia part.]
In the end, it wasn’t as bad as I expected, but I suspect it would have been worse without my buddy the camera…

I hate being lonely.

About Camille

I’m Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello.

You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.

This entry was posted in change, I hate change, oh brother what next. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to {I’ve Never Felt so Lame in all My Life}

  1. HeatherPride says:

    oh no – I guess I’m a weirdo! I love to see movies by myself! Usually it’s when I can stick my husband with the kids and sneak away for a little “me” time…

  2. RatalieNose says:

    congratulations

  3. Anonymous says:

    haha wow you are quite the entertainer. ever think of becoming a newscaster? you have inspired me- i must see a movie all by my lonesome now.

  4. linda rae says:

    You are SUCH a dork. Why didn’t you call me? I would have gone AGAIN…I loved it on Saturday when I went with your favorite father-in-law.

    Oh wait. I know why you didn’t call. It’s cuz we are spending ALL DAY TOMORROW TOGETHER IN THE GLORIOUS WONDERFUL ROCKY MOUNTAINS GOING OVER LOGAN PASS, AND THEN SHOPPING IN KALISPELL, AND EATING AT OUR FAVORITE MEXICAN RESTAURANT, AND THEN DRIVING HOME AGAIN IN THE SAME SPECTACULAR BREATHTAKING MOUNTAINS AND EATING HUCKLEBERRY FUDGE AT ST. MARY’S LODGE.

    And maybe a DQ milkshake in Cardston.

    Yeah. That’s a lot of bonding.

  5. Anonymous says:

    My favorite parts from the video:

    First and most favorite:
    YOU ARE PLAYING ROSA DEL FREAKING FAMA ON YOUR iPOD!!!!! I laughed so so very hard. I thought (hoped rather) you might actually start dancing.

    “Stop signs in Canada are the same as in America, you can’t run them”

    “It’s very important my head doesn’t explode.”

    “…like Jorge, who could kill a man, Hi Jorge.”

    -bRAD

  6. Cristin says:

    I love going to the movies by myself. I always think there is no point in taking someone because its not like you’re going to talk during them. I do sometimes feel like people in theater stare at me with pity when I’m doing it.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Oh this was most entertaining. I watched the whole ten minutes of your video. They boys at Kyle’s work were less the cooperative to say the least but still fun to watch. I used to go to the movies by myself ALL THE TIME and I really enjoyed it. Those days are gone though. I no longer have time for such luxuries. More video blogging please! ~A

  8. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    Because I am your sister, I watched the entire 10 minutes and 39 seconds. Under no other circumstances would I have watched something like this.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    I am proud, however, that you have accomplished a lifelong goal of yours, despite the unusual nature of it.

  10. Raygon says:

    This was great. I was cracking up during most of it!
    Whats up with the greetings you got at Kyles shop? Those guys are grouchy!
    I love the music from the movie! Was it any good?

  11. Anonymous says:

    Way to go Camille, I’am now inspired as well and will also embrace the moment of silence and being alone at a show……..it is just a matter of when. I have a show buddy and every thursday is our show night. She should of been a man

  12. Anonymous says:

    don’t be lonely. you’re surrounded with wonderful people.
    i’ve met the family, men like us don’t always respond favourably to being cammed while working. it was nice to see stuart, kyle, and derek though. thank you. that derek, always a welcoming soul. but who else could deserve the sweet spirit of our dear rachel.
    haven’t heard kyle’s voice for many years. thank you again. sounds like lr’s playful wit and stu’s all abiding kindness.combined.

  13. Anonymous says:

    OOOOOh camille, i believe that i was watching that same movie at that same time. i however wasn’t all alone and didnt have quite the same adventure.

    I like brad Loved that you were listening to rosa on your ipod.

    I am not going to lie i fast forwarded a few parts. sorry.

    I love how i was called “company” in regards to the dead flower in your car that you moved when i was in your car.

    I loved the movie and suggested to B that we do one of the end dances on music appreciation night. what do you think!!!!!?

    Love you!
    Gus

  14. Anonymous says:

    in the above comment i was refering to Mama Mia not your movie. however i did love your movie as well.
    gus

  15. Alice says:

    Awww..going to the movies on your own isn’t so bad!

    And thanks for bringing that Mike Holmes guy to my attention. Hadn’t heard of him (because I live under a rock.)

  16. Anonymous says:

    kyle’s hand over your cam reminds me of “get off me, woman”, from a previous post.
    excellent continuity.

  17. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    going to a movie by myself is in my top ten things of “what i need to do before i die” list. builds character.

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