{Life Lessons and Muffin Tops}

I’ve learned a lot in my life.

I’ve learned that if I wash my jeans and then stick them in the dryer, I will regret it the next time I go to put them on. They will shrink just enough to make me miserable all day, no matter how many lunges I do to stretch them out again.

I’ve also learned that if I take my jeans out of the washer and toss them in a damp heap on the floor, I will regret it the next time I go to put them on. They will have more wrinkles than the little old ladies on the back pew at church.

But this last lesson is most important:

If I go on vacation to Arizona and eat 90% of my meals at fast-food joints, stuffing my face with food all day, eating Dippin’ Dots™ and Red Brick Oven™ pizza and Chic-fil-A™ sandwiches and Arby’s™ Beef n’ Cheddars and QT™ Taquitos and Carne Asada Burritos like nothing else matters, then, invariably…



My favourite Canada t-shirt will no longer fit. I will have a muffin top (or spare tire, [call it what you will–it’s a thing of Satan either way]) big enough to feed a third world country. And my arms will be very, very flabby.

Life lessons, people. It’s all about the life lessons.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in mediocrity, photos, sad things, the great state of AZ. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to {Life Lessons and Muffin Tops}

  1. gambling says:

    Katon, Goukakyu no jutsu.

  2. Alice says:

    I don’t know what it is about Dippin Dots, but I love those things. Maybe it’s the novelty of it all.

    ps. None of my clothes fit except the elastic ones.

  3. Loralee Choate says:

    Um…You do realize that you, um, aren’t fat like AT ALL, right? (Of course, when you have weighed 300 lbs, everything else tends to look small.)

  4. Anonymous says:

    Oh my goodness, you do lunges to stretch jeans too? I feel so much better! ~A

  5. theycallmeaft says:

    i was thinking the exact same thing as loralee! as in you’re not fat, like AT ALL! and even if you do feel bigger lets be honest the beef n’ cheddars, taquitos, and carne asada burritos were totally worth it. i mean you live in canada! you’ve got to live it up while you’re here.

  6. Anonymous says:

    i LOVE this song!! and ya, you are TOTALLY not fat. but i know the feeling when you eat a bunch of crap for a couple weeks and then feel like you’re inflating.. not fun. but the food is still yummy:) anon10

  7. Jami says:

    camille I know how you feel. I just get so carried aways with fast food sometimes. There is nothing like going to wendys at 11:30 at night and getting a jr. bacon cheese burger, some nuggets, fries, and a frosty! I have no ablity to diet AT ALL! And the thing is, I would rather be fat and happily full of good food, than skinny, and miserable!

  8. Raygon says:

    ditto on loralees comment.

    anyway, no one is gonna be looking at your shirt when you have a rockin’ hairdo. it looks great!

  9. Mikelle says:

    Ya, you look good! And you have an awesome hairdo.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Don’t believe any of those comments. You are fat, fatter than a skeleton anyway. :)

  11. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    That really sucks.

  12. Melain says:

    I am also currently battling the muffin top plague. It’s an ugly, ugly war, and I have been consistantly losing each battle. But I’m gonna take em this time! THE DIET STARTS MONDAY!

  13. Zach "Sunshine" Anderson says:

    Haha. I know what you mean! I am having a hard time keeping the weight down since I’ve been eating out every meal with my work. How is my little (but taller) sis? Miss ya!

  14. Lindsey Burnham says:

    Yeah, that does suck. But just be glad that you get to start trimming down after October 24th! Haha

  15. The Lowry's says:

    Your hair looks amazing. That is the thing I noticed the most, not your body so no worries. :)
    I can’t blame you though. When we went to Arizona, oh how I loved all their Amazing! fast food down there. So good! Much better than ours at home. And the authentic Mexican. YUm! Just enjoy it while you are there and work on things when you get home.

  16. The Lowry's says:

    Oh I was also going to say, I totally understand the jeans shrinking thing. No matter how many lunges etc you do they just don’t seem to get bigger once they have been put in the dryer. I made the unfortunate mistake of putting mine in the dryer just before we were getting family pictures done (because they weren’t dry yet and we had to leave soon) not thinking that oh they might shrink. Well they did, but I wore them anyways.

  17. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    i love that you managed to keep your shades on in the first two pics. too cool for school.

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