I’ve learned a lot in my life.
I’ve learned that if I wash my jeans and then stick them in the dryer, I will regret it the next time I go to put them on. They will shrink just enough to make me miserable all day, no matter how many lunges I do to stretch them out again.
I’ve also learned that if I take my jeans out of the washer and toss them in a damp heap on the floor, I will regret it the next time I go to put them on. They will have more wrinkles than the little old ladies on the back pew at church.
But this last lesson is most important:
If I go on vacation to Arizona and eat 90% of my meals at fast-food joints, stuffing my face with food all day, eating Dippin’ Dots™ and Red Brick Oven™ pizza and Chic-fil-A™ sandwiches and Arby’s™ Beef n’ Cheddars and QT™ Taquitos and Carne Asada Burritos like nothing else matters, then, invariably…
My favourite Canada t-shirt will no longer fit. I will have a muffin top (or spare tire, [call it what you will–it’s a thing of Satan either way]) big enough to feed a third world country. And my arms will be very, very flabby.
Life lessons, people. It’s all about the life lessons.