Lucky Duck.

I get to have a massage today.

I get to have a massage once a month.  It comes with Poor Kyle’s insurance, so it’s free, essentially (we get reimbursed).

I never thought I would be the sort of person who would get regular massages.  Oh, sure, I fully expected to be a yuppie who vacationed on Martha’s Vineyard or Fire Island; a yuppie whose daily trips to the market procured the freshest ingredients for each night’s dinner; a yuppie who might even own a yacht (or at least have friends who own yachts).  But even in my craziest imaginings, I never planned on having monthly massages.

I’m not sure why.  It could be one of several reasons—first, I’m not fond of being touched by anyone other than Poor Kyle.  I’m just not that kind of girl. (This probably has to do with the fact that I don’t like people in general, and I’m not a nice person, and I am therefore suspicious of anyone who is or claims to be.  I can’t say for sure—probably a shrink could shed some light on the matter.)  Secondly, I have issues with deserving my monthly massages.  There are lots of people in the world who deserve regular massages more than I do.  My mom comes to mind—she works so hard, and really digs a good back rub.  I wish her insurance would cover a monthly massage.

Despite the odds against my masseuse’s favour, I really have come to enjoy these hour-long relaxation fests.  The health benefits are amazing, to be sure.  My “massage lady” has a room in her house dedicated to her business, and the mere act of crossing the threshold is soothing.  She’s painted the room in a serene blue-gray tone that reminds me of a seaside village (generally calm and happy places, those seaside villages); she has hidden speakers, from whence mellow music quietly chims, serenading me into a state of chi (I don’t even know what a chi is…); and directly in front of the massage table is a warm electric fireplace, which really just floats my boat.

lovelymassageI may not look as lovely as this lady when I’m getting my massage, but I assure you: I feel every bit as good as she is portrayed.

Some days I walk into my massage lady’s house feeling beaten and downtrodden,  but I always leave rejuvenated.  That’s how you know you have a good massage lady, I think.  {Not that I would know.  I’ve only had one regular massage lady in my life.}

She uses essential oils and organic, homemade lotion on my skin (heck, she probably buys it at Wal*Mart™; but it could be a pile of poo, and I would bathe in it, if my massage lady told me to).  She starts out on my feet, while asking a few simple questions about how life has been since last we met.  By the time she’s proceeded to my tender little calves, though, I can no longer converse, on account of I’ve zoned out completely.

massageheadholeI’m pretty sure I leave behind a puddle of slobber on her carpet beneath the head-hole of the table every month.  Sorry, massage lady—didn’t mean to drool.

Even my marriage is uplifted by my monthly massages:  If Poor Kyle is in a grouchy mood all month long and refuses to rub my left shoulder (which suffers from chronic soreness), I don’t get mad: I get a massage.  Problem solved.

Only, I can’t figure out why Poor Kyle won’t get his own monthly massages.  Insurance would cover his, too, but he just…lets that money go to waste.  Every month, like clockwork, he fails to get himself a decent back rub.

Maybe he’s ticklish…  I only married him—I don’t claim to understand his brain.  Who knows?

Oh, and p.s.:

asymmetricalI’m pretty sure my nostrils aren’t symmetrical.  Just so you know.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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17 Responses to Lucky Duck.

  1. Random picture at the end!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sounds heavenly.

  3. EverybodyNose says:

    Oh that sounds like DIVNITY!!!
    You lucky girl!
    Ummm I ADORE your uneven nostrils.
    Camille, does 1+1=2?

  4. Granmama says:

    You’ve inspired me. I think I am going to get a massage tomorrow. I deserve it.

  5. Holly Decker says:

    *sigh*… i want to hate you for the fact that you are getting a free massage today… but i just cant. after all, you dont want to be like PK and waste it…
    and i, too, suffer the non-semetric nose. but the difference between us is… your nose is still small and ladylike… mine is large like a bird beak- and very manly. i have lots of nose issues, actually… dont believe me? last night i dreamed that my kid was born and was NOSELESS. do you think i have had noses on the brain? perhaps that is why your last picture and thought werent so random for me… because i think about it ALL THE TIME! ;)

  6. Geneva says:

    The best unit in athletic training is the therapeutic massage one. It was fabulous going to class each morning and getting massages. I’m super jealous. I think more insurances should cover homeopathic treatments like that.

    And yes, you’re nostrils aren’t symmetrical. But I would hazard a guess that not many people’s are. But I don’t look at them unless they post pictures :)

  7. sarah says:

    You are a lucky duck! I need a massage lady.

  8. Whitney says:

    Jealous! Ive been thinking lately that I wanted to go get a pregnancy massage. Massages are the best!

  9. raygon says:

    You are so lucky!

  10. ann says:


    ” It could pretty much be a pile of poo and I would bathe in it” Classic! LOL!

  11. The only times I have gotten massages was when I was pregnant, once in the beginning of the second trimester and one on my birthday in the middle of the third. Never ever felt such heaven from hands, sorry, John.

  12. DeAnna says:

    Jealous!! I have never had a pro. massage, mainly due to never have a medical plan that covered it. I think that ours does now, but not entirely sure. Reading this is making me think I should find the book and find out what it covers for massages. Especially since I have a hubby like PK who never wants to rub my shoulders or back when I am sore.

  13. Christal says:

    I wish I was a yuppie! What a relaxing thing to get every month I should really do that Darren has great insurance too for that kind of stuff! I love the way you write and you always make me laugh! Have a great day!

  14. anna says:

    Lucky! I have had one massage in my life, over five years ago, and it was awesome. One of these days I’ll decide I’m lucky duck enough to get one again. Until then, keep enjoying yours!

  15. alexamae says:

    so jealous! especially that you dont have to pay. there’s nothing better than a good massage….however i spend my whole time yapping my mouth off. you are too cute!

  16. colepack says:

    I am going to check my insurance benefits…..

  17. Pingback: Lucky Duck Archives of Our Lives | fire pit

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