Mean Moms and Santa Do Not A Good Team Make

I put up my Christmas decorations today, and it reminded me that I don’t really like Christmas all that much in the first place.

I think I was poisoned by volunteering as Santa’s Little Helper for so many years in a row.

I have decided that I will tell our kids right from the beginning that Santa is a hoax.  It’s just not worth it to me.  Yes, I was enraptured with all things Santa when I was a kid, but that doesn’t mean I want my children to feel the same joy I felt.  What have they done to deserve it?  Nothing.  They don’t even exist yet—at least, not on this earth.  No Santa for them.  And they’ll eat their dadgum broccoli, too!

I’m preparing now to be a really mean mom later.  Can you tell?

I think the majority of my Scroogishness is caused by the timing of Christmas during the lousiest part of the semester.  If all goes according to plan, I will be well out of school by the time I ever give birth (gah!) to a child, so maybe by then I will have the ability to try harder to be a nice mom.

I can’t make any promises, though—it’s just a theory.

Christmas Tree Ornaments

The reason I bring this up now is because I spent many hours decorating my house for Christmas today, and it was exhausting.  I am sore from my head to my toes, because all that hauling of crap from basement to upstairs and unboxing and unpacking and up-and-down motion of putting ornaments on trees and positioning that dadgum star just right…it’s strenuous.  I feel strenned.  From the strain of it all.  To the point of no longer making sense (if, in fact, I ever made sense in the first place, which is doubtful).

Which means I’ll stop.

Now.

p.s.  It seems like I’m forgetting something…  Is it some sort of holiday today?  I am so out of touch up here in Canada—nobody tells me anything since I moved here, and TV doesn’t work and the internet doesn’t exist and phones freeze when they ring, so I have no way of knowing anything.  It isn’t easy living in a frozen tundra.

p.p.s.  My mother would rebuke me if she thought I really forgot about American Thanksgiving, and since she’s coming to visit me in two days and I don’t want to suffer through a harsh rebuking, I’d better say this: Happy American Thanksgiving.  We celebrated this holiday weeks ago (*yawn* Thanksgiving is so last month), so I don’t feel obligated to list off a whole slew of items I am thankful for.  After all, I only have so much thankfulness in my heart during any given season; I don’t believe in excessiveness.  But in the spirit of my former life, here are some thanks-inspired posts I have written in the past.  As for today?  I am thankful that Poor Kyle has finally learned to use just the right amount of Saran™ wrap to cover the leftovers; it used to be that he would use an entire yard of the stuff for a cereal-bowl amount of food.  That kind of excessive behaviour is unwelcome in my presence—like I said, I don’t believe in it.

Happy Thanksgiving, indeed.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in It's All Good, looking back, Married Life, mediocrity, oh brother what next, woe is me and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Mean Moms and Santa Do Not A Good Team Make

  1. GRANMAMA says:

    You may live in Canada but NEVER forget who you are and where your roots are planted. Hymn #219!!!!!

    We can;t wait to see you. It will be fun. (Pray that we get on first class. )

    Love you ever so much,
    MA & PA

  2. Oh Camille.
    You bring such joy to me!

  3. anna says:

    You’ll be missing out. I’ve decided lying to children about Santa is one of the best parts of parenting. :)

    PS I’ve been meaning to ask you. Does the waxy feeling in your hair ever go away? I’m assuming you still haven’t used shampoo.

  4. Chloe says:

    Oh, I’ve felt the same way about Christmas for… let’s see… for 5 years!! And I think this year is gonna be the same. I have all my first semester’s finals in January!! Can you believe it?! I’m so angry!! I shouldn’t have started this master’s degree…
    Now I won’t be able to rest on holidays, because I have to study and prepare those stupid finals.
    Anyway, (even though we don’t celebrate it here in Spain…) happy Thanksgiving!!

  5. Carmen says:

    I think you should quit school. It isn’t good for you. :) It is making your whole existence miserable, even the joy of Christmas. I love your Christmas balls by the way. No, don’t really quit because I think quitting is awful. I am one of those just stick it out people. Hopefully for your sake next semester is better and not worse.

  6. jeff says:

    it occurs, the annual year end shopping spree, that i know, i ignore it. seems a slap in the face to the clear minded. it’s the right time. best buy. i saw my first set of lights today. i was annoyed by the electricity being spent.

    -grinch-

  7. DeAnna says:

    Somehow all I got out this other than you hating Christmas, was your kids are going to eat their broccoli. Best advice there, start veggies first, wait until they like them a lot, then head to the fruits. You’ll know what I mean when you get there, but for now just store that in the vault of one day it’ll be useful knowledge. Merry Christmas and a Bah Humbug to you & yours!

Comments are closed.