My Brain Thinks Funny.

I have been having nightmares lately. It’s weird.

The first one came right after watching The Dark Knight and then promptly falling asleep–I dreamed that I had Martha Stewart over for dinner, but my house was messy and I served macaroni & cheese with hot dogs sliced up and mixed in. It was awful.

Last night I had another nightmare. Poor Kyle had gotten me pregnant, but instead of growing a human child, I gave birth to a pile of dirty laundry.

It weighed 100 pounds.

Hi, creepy. Image from here.

I don’t know why this is happening to me. I suppose I have been more stressed lately than usual, but if that was the reason for my nightmares, wouldn’t they be somewhat themed on my stress factors? I haven’t thought about laundry once this weekend–it’s the least of my concerns. So why would I dream about it?

If the themes of nightmares my nightmares were based on the issues in my life that are really causing me stress, my mind-movies would play out something like this:

I re-start University in Canada this January. On my first day of school, I arrive dressed like a {fairly} normal student, wearing what I would have worn back at Arizona State University: jeans and a t-shirt. I park my car, walk into a building, and realise everyone else is wearing parkas and flannel. I look like a fool.

Then, since I can’t decide between majoring in Art History {which makes me immensely happy} or English {which could actually be profitable}, I end up taking Engineering classes. But since I so dislike mathematics, I end up being the worst engineer ever to walk to earth, and thousands of people die trying to cross my bridges.

Moreover…because it took me so long to declare a major and get through school, and also since I never completed my immigration papers, I had to pay double tuition (that’s a real-life nightmare, by the way) and Poor Kyle and I never could claw our way out of debt. Financing my education, on top of paying the medical bills to give birth to my worthless pile of dirty laundry, made it so we could never get ahead.

I die poverty-stricken, leaving Poor Kyle with nothing but huge debt and soiled clothes, so of course he would re-marry. And she would be skinny.

Those are the nightmares that race through my brain almost every waking hour of my days.

Happy Monday to you, too.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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9 Responses to My Brain Thinks Funny.

  1. HeatherPride says:

    Goodness, Camille! Tell your brain to slow down! But I can kind of relate to the laundry dream. When I was pregnant I had a dream I went in for an ultrasound and the doctor found 7 fish in there. And I was like, “fish?” and he was like, “you don’t like fish?” and I said, “well, what kind are they?” (because you know, in a dream it might be ok to give birth to fish, so long as they weren’t catfish or something..) and he said “well, they appear to be betas.” And then I was kind of relieved that at least they would be pretty fish.

  2. linda rae says:

    Not just LOL at this post, but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    And a bit of encouragement. Jaclyn says that all you have to do is prove that you have lived here a year, which you have, and you will get Alberta residents’ tuition.

    Check it out.

  3. Niki (Crum) Worthen says:

    good post. I definately lol’d! I have really bad nightmares!! I also have really bad daymares too! Ur not alone! I can’t figure out which ones are worst for me. Sounds like your daymares might win.

  4. Anonymous says:

    In a perfect world there would be no dreams. Even the “good” ones are weird and never really make sense.

    bRAD

  5. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    Sounds like you should just go back to bed. On second thought, maybe that’s not such a good idea; you might dream of birthing dirty dishes next. Better stay awake.

  6. Molly Shumway Rawlins says:

    i most of the time have horrific dreams. Sometimes they are so traumatic I have to wake my husband up, and tell him about them, and have him hold me till I fall back asleep.

    Somebody once told me that dreams are our subconsious’s way of working things out. You so value Martha Stewart’s opinion that the thought of having a messy house, and not cooking something up to par is horrifying to you. Birthing dirty clothes, has to do with the fact that you are (as you have said in previous posts) not ready to have a child and worry that it would be a mess, thus the dirty clothes instead of a cute and beautiful child. (I don’t know, just an interpretive guess)

    I personally would prefer to just never dream at all, but unfortunately, my subconsious does not take my desires to heart.

  7. Holly Janeen says:

    ha! dreams are so crazy…
    i just had one that i made cookies for Sarah Palin.
    i TOTALLY blame that one on being pregnant.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Some funny crazy dreams people.
    Holly, you kill me, i lol’d. That was good.
    Must be the baby.

  9. Carmen says:

    Thats awful. I hope you don’t have anymore of those dreams. I do have to agree you are a fantastic writer and hope that through taking english you will be able to use your writing skills even more.

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