Negate Me

I have been waking up at 6:00 every morning for the past several weeks and going to the gym.

I know.

I know.

I can’t explain it really. Most likely, I’ve just lost my mind, a minor, temporary setback, and I’ll run out of steam and be back to normal before long. Most likely.

It happened like this: a few weeks ago, when paying my tuition with money I one hundred percent would rather have spent on a trip to Europe or somewhere tropical, I looked at my bill and saw that fee they tack on for the university gym membership (they call it “Sports and Recreation;” I call it yet another sure-fire way to gouge the 98% of the student body who will never use the facility, not even once), and I lost it.

“This is ridiculous. I have been paying $100 per semester for the last four semesters (five counting summer school) to belong to a gym that I’ve never even seen before. That’s $400 just wasted, flushed down the toilet with a great heap of academic diarrhea. This will not do.”

The next day, I went to the gym.

The next day after that, I went to the gym.

The next day…and so on.

Sticking it to the man, making Jillian proud…no matter what you call it, there’s no denying that I am an official gym-goer now.

I can even jog a mile without dying. (But not an inch further, believe me, I’ve tried.)

The bad thing about this is that because I am waking up so much earlier than ever before, I tend to hit a wall every day around 1:00—a wall that looks something like this:

SUGAR SUGAR I NEED SUGAR GIVE ME SUGAR GIVE ME NOW MY DAILY SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR.

My defenses are down because I am weary. (That’s what I keep telling myself.) My will power is pathetic enough on a normal day, let alone on a day when I am tired and sore and finished with 3/4 of my classes and therefore clearly entitled to a treat for all my hard work. (I’m so logical when I make bad choices, aren’t you?)

Whatever calories I burn off at the gym in the morning (which are not many, according to that bastard the treadmill—did you know that jogging a mile only burns, like, five calories?) are entirely negated at 1:00 in the afternoon when I find myself unable to resist the call of the campus cafeteria’s fresh-baked milk+dark+white chocolate chip cookies—a triumvirate of cookie perfection baked lovingly every hour on the hour by a jolly-looking man who wears a little hair net over his long white beard. He’s like my own personal Santa Claus, except for me Christmas comes every day of the year—take that, Hanukkah.

Yesterday I bought two and ate them directly.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in awesome., failures, health and vitality, It's All Good, my edjumacation and me. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Negate Me

  1. Liz says:

    It’s great that you’re going to the gym, Camillle! And don’t worry about those cookies. You don’t need to worry about burning extra calories anyway. :)

    I have a membership and during the summer the kids and I went for a month and a half or so. Now we’re down to one vehicle, so if I want to go to the gym I’ll have to get up at 4:45 so as to be home by 6:00 when my husband leaves for work. So far, I haven’t been able to get myself out of bed that early. (Hello, sleep until 4:45, or sleep until 8? Tough choice.) I was actually just about to pick up the phone to call and cancel my membership when this post popped up on my reader. You gave me a little bit of renewed motivation. (Although whether it’s enough to get me out of bed at 4:45 remains to be seen…)

  2. Spencer says:

    You got jammed. As bad as I dislike ASU I can say that at least they don’t charge for the use of the gym in the cost of tuition and fees. If you get a sun card (optional college id) you pay only $25 and that includes gym use. That is all the good I can say about ASU.

  3. anna says:

    I’m still annoyed that I had to pay that fee at ASU. Unlike you, I never once took advantage of it. At least my husband did…

  4. Jordan says:

    So, I got your flower in the mail yesterday. And, of course, I loved receiving mail, but even more I enjoyed the note you wrote me. I promise to keep it out of my dog’s mouth (and hence poo).

    ps. The card is dated Sep 20th. Does mail from Canada really take that long?? Or was the post office just going really slow this time?

  5. Cristy says:

    Ugh. I really don’t like going to the gym. But I love feeling fit. We’ve been getting up early to exercise the last two weeks too–also not sure how long that’s gonna last. I keep telling myself that if I can make it to the time change (two more weeks?) then getting up early will be eeeeasy…

  6. Alaina says:

    It’s ok…you know, they say if you work out more often, it increases your metabolism, which helps you burn calories faster. So think of it as you are burning those snacks faster since you are exercising in the a.m.

  7. Leah says:

    Love this. Couldn’t do the gym at 6 am – but I have known to come back from the gym in the afternoon and promptly get myself a bowl of ice cream :)

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