Observations of a First-Time Superbowl™ Watcher

I’ve never seen a Superbowl game in my life before last night.  (Come to think of it, I’ve never sat through, and paid attention to, an entire football game.  Ever.  [I have a very short attention span.])

Last night, however, when my home team made it to the game, I knew they were counting on me to root for them.  They needed me, and I wasn’t about to fail them…

…I only wish they’d paid me the same consideration.

We lost, and it was a very bitter loss for me—I had no concept in my head that they would lose.  I just…couldn’t fathom it.  It’s not that I am a die-hard Cardinals fan; I’m not and I never have been.  It’s just that, well, they’re representing me.  To all these Canadians up here, the Cardinals = Camille.  Arizona = Arizona.  And so, while I’ve never had anything to do with the Cardinals before, I didn’t feel guilty cheering for them because they’d never had anything to do with me, either.  (That’s the way I use logic: logically.)

Anyway, it was a total bust.  The Cardinals lost, which tells Canadians that I am a loser, because of the aforementioned equation. I did manage to come away from it with some interesting observations, however—stuff I’d never known before because I’d never cared before:

1.  There are aspects of football that look very much like ballet.

That man in yellow tights, Santonio Holmes, caught the ball and did all the right things to make it a touchdown.  If you were watching the game, you—like I—might have noticed how gracefully he caught the ball and fell, while keeping his twinkle-toes planted firmly on the turf.  I guess that’s important, but to me it just looked beautiful.   All images from FoxSports.com.

2.  Long hair is spectacular in still-motion shots.

At first I couldn’t figure out why so many players had grown out their hair long—didn’t it get in the way?  Was it some sort of Samson and Delilah situation?  A good luck charm?  But it all became clear to me as I watched the same plays over and over, in slow motion: they grow it out so it will look cool.  That hair is amazing, flipping and flouncing around in all its football glory.  Larry Fitzgerald (above) and Troy Polamalu (below) have the right idea.

3.  Those cheerleaders still exist?  They must not know how worthless they are…

I don’t know how much those women get paid to wear white knee-high boots with long sleeves and a mini skirt (it’s like they can’t decide what weather to dress for, so they are covered for some of each), but it’s undoubtedly more than they’re worth.  Last night, I watched almost every second of the game and the commercials, and I saw only ONE clip of cheerleaders.  Do they really think the players can hear their cheers over the loud, drunken millions from the stadium seats?  Do they think the cameras are going to be rolling on their perfect bodies instead of the actual game?  Seriously.  In these hard economic times, I’m surprised the team owners haven’t saved themselves some cash and dropped these women already.  I don’t think the cheerleaders realise how pointless their job actually is.  Poor them…

4.  It’s really quite exhausting.

This man had just run from one end of the field to the other (100 yards), with the football in his arms, dodging obstacle after muscle-faced obstacle, to score a touchdown.  I wasn’t cheering for his team, but I was nevertheless quite impressed. I was tired just from the screaming, so I can’t really imagine how he must’ve felt.

All in all, though I really enjoyed my game-watching experience with Poor Kyle and the Poor In-Laws, I don’t think I’ll ever do it again for two reasons: First, I will only ever care about it if the Cardinals make it again, which is doubtful.  And secondly, if they do make it, I’ll just get my hopes up and they’ll fail me again.  I can’t take that kind of disappointment in my life.

But hey, how about The Office?  That was a nice bonus for all my hard work.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in failures, It's All Good, oh brother what next, Recreation and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Observations of a First-Time Superbowl™ Watcher

  1. Lindsay says:

    did you notice that every single one of those cheerleaders has the EXACT same hair style?! coincidence? i think not.

  2. You made a very intense game sound so funny. Thank you for putting that spin on it. I am glad you watched it once though. The Superbowl is definitely a special experience. :-)

  3. HeatherPride says:

    We had a Rams cheerleader who worked in my office. I actually had to go up against her for a job once. It wasn’t fun. But she didn’t get paid to be a cheerleader – I don’t think they make any money from the NFL. I think they might make money from appearances though.

  4. Lauren says:

    We are twins. I will dismiss all of that Pro LOL Catz and Anti LOL Catz talk, effective immediately. Last night was my first experience watching football as well. I nearly cried with the end result. Sad.

    I was also wondering why the cheerleaders even bother…they get zero television footage. I am surprised you saw a clip…I didn’t! Anyway…the girl closest to me in the second row has the cutest hair I have ever seen.

  5. NobodyNose says:

    Haha I didnt watch the game at all. But my dad did, he recorded it and woke up at six to view it and WOKE ME UP WITH HIS YELLING AT THE TV!!!!!!!!!

  6. niki says:

    This was pretty much my first time getting into the superbowl also. I surprisingly enjoyed it. I also enjoyed this post. I did not, however, enjoy the half time show!

  7. It was the first time I cared too. Hooray Steelers.

    The long hair is so nasty. So are the cheerleaders.

  8. Catherine Gardner says:

    Being English and not having a clue!! I only supported Arizona because of the Pouts. But I do know cheerleaders dont get paid they are hoping for tv exposure. As for me give me the Cricket any day.

  9. Holly Decker says:

    the cheerleader part… very funny. thanks for making me laugh… its been a rough day :)

  10. Camille says:

    Lindsay– Must be part of the ridiculous dress code.

    Emily Merkley– I’ll do anything once (well, just ABOUT anything).

    HeatherPride– Well if they don’t get paid anything, they’re worth even less. Poor things. Did you beat her for the job? I hope so.

    Lauren– We really ARE twins. Mostly. That girl’s hair is lovely—reminds me of someone I (sort of) know. Mine never works when I try to do it that way, even after your nice tutorial.

    NobodyNose– How inconsiderate of him! Your dad is one of my favourite people.

    Niki– I had never seen (or heard) Bruce Springsteen (sp?), so I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was an interesting show, indeed.

    angela hardison– I’m glad someone in AZ was rooting for the Steelers, because it means there’s at least SOMEONE who didn’t get suckered.

    Catherine Gardner– You’re ENGLISH???? What’s your blog address? I’ll totally read it. I’ve never seen a game of Cricket, but would wholly like to.

    Holly Decker– So sorry to hear you’ve not been having a good day. I hope it gets better.

  11. Maureen says:

    I only caught the last 11 minutes of the game, but this is what I think.

    While the Cardinals didn’t win, they put up an amazing fight. Their comeback near the end of the game was ridiculous. And long-haired dude ran faster than I have seen anyone run before to make that touchdown. However, I was informed that there is no penalty for taking someone down by the hair so long hair can have its disadvantages in football. It does look cool in the picture though!

  12. Joel says:

    I thought that it was a great game, though I didn’t care one way or the other about the outcome. I’m glad that you watched it, though!

  13. anonymous says:

    hahaha i loved your perspective on the game- esp the cheerleader bit. i, too found that game quite depressing and very bitter. :(

  14. Cristin says:

    I never watch the Super Bowl. I haven’t since I was a kid. The first 5 minutes of the Office though were totally worth it.

  15. afton says:

    i don’t understand the knee high boots. i mean really now, when are those EVER cheerleading attire (except for NFL cheerleaders apparently). i would probably have a slight more respect for them if they came out in the basic tennis shoe. at least then i could consider them real cheerleaders. they gross me out.

  16. Camille says:

    Maureen– Sounds like it’s a little risky to go the long-haired way. I’d still do it, though; it’s amazing.

    Joel– I’m surprised you weren’t rooting for AZ!

    anonymous– Thanks! Bitter, indeed. You’d think they could have represented better than that.

    Cristin– But you used to watch it when you were a kid? It never occurred to me to do such a thing when I was little.

    afton– They’re ridiculous. How could they possibly live with themselves, is what I want to know.

  17. Allan says:

    I still have not watched the football sport thingy. I wondered on sunday if ya’ll were having the tato skins and pico de gallo while watching the game. I knew you were, somehow.

    I watched a hockey, Stanley Cup series few years back. Don’t remember who won. I think the Oilers had their best goalie injured, i say by the opposing teams’ ill content. Lot of fighting in Hockey.

    Camille equals Cards, Arizona equals Arizona.That was good. The logic via quizzical humour. My dad was like that.
    You would have liked him. He was funny.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    How funny that we both watched football for the first time in our lives last night. Mom and Dad were flabbergasted when they realized it was the first game I’d ever seen in its entirety. They had to explain all the rules to me. Grandma was shocked, too. “Didn’t you ever date a football player, Adell?”
    “No, Grandma; I was far too nerdy for that.”

    “Didn’t you ever go to the games in high school?”

    “Well, sure. But I was always too busy working at them for student council to pay any attention to what was going on.”

    “Well, I guess that’s what happens when you’re in student council and drama and art and band all at once.”

    (At least she got one out of four. Bless her.)

  19. I never watch Superbowl but one thing i must say a images which you uploaded are very pretty. thx.

  20. Granamama says:

    Don’t be a fair weather fan. I am proud of our ARIZONA (AMERICAN) team and all the effort they went through to go so far. YEa—CARDINALS!!!!
    (By the way—all the Cardinal Super Bowl shirts and other paraphenelia are on sale for 50% off today at Fry’s.
    Granmamamamamamma

  21. anon10 says:

    Eh, the superbowl. Not, my favorite thing but i will give it my time.

    I am not so good at understanding any of it. But, I cheer anyway….

  22. anna says:

    Love the observations. Still haven’t watched a Superbowl, although I came close on Sunday when I saw about five minutes of it.

Comments are closed.