One Giant Crapshoot

Today I waxed my own eyebrows.  (At the encouragement of my friend Genevra, without whom I would’ve never even CONSIDERED taking such a huge leap of faith in myself.  Thanks, friend!)

Here’s a really awful before-and-after comparison. {You’ll be a gem and excuse my atrocious pictures and my atrocious face?  I’m in bed right now and I’m only typing this because I accidentally took a nap earlier this afternoon and therefore ruined my chances of coming even remotely close to achieving REM any time before midnight tonight.  Foiled again by my own good intentions.  I’ve got to stop doing that.}

Eyebrows beforeThis photo was taken a few weeks ago, and if you think the fuzzy centipedes hovering over my eye sockets were bad then…well, you can trust me when I say they were only getting worse.

Eyebrows 1…and here they are today.  I know, you can hardly tell a difference because you’re so distracted by my unkempt hair and emotionless eyes, but I, at least, can see the difference.  I’ve been walking around all afternoon caressing that unnamed piece of skin between my eyebrows, going, “Smooth…smooth…so smooth…”  Because it had been a while since the last time I’d defuzzed.

Eyebrows 2And here’s a close-up.  For your convenience.

Anyway, I learned two things from my personal eyebrow-waxing experience.

First, I learned that sometimes we just need to TRY something new, even if we’re pretty much certain we’ll fail.  Was it scary to wield that sticky toothpick so close to my eyebrows?  Yes, most definitely.  But at the same time, I realised that eyebrows are just a tiny collection of little hairs, and if I totally butchered mine, they would grow back, and if they didn’t, I could always just tattoo some fake ones in their places.  That would be awesome in absolutely every sense of the word.

And second, I learned that salons are making a killing on this stuff. $12.00 to get my eyebrows waxed at a fancy salon, when they buy their product in bulk and probably only spend twenty cents’ worth of wax per eyebrow?  That’s like, a 99% profit.  I totally want in on this.

And so, after one trial run, I’ve decided to go pro.  I’ve been looking for ways to make some extra money without getting a real job (which I’m still not allowed to do), and I’ve finally found something that does not involve scrubbing my neighbors’ toilets or selling homemade salsa door-to-door (though I’m still considering that last option).  Anyone in the local vicinity who would like me to run amok with the body sugar and some muslin strips, just go ahead and give me a call.  I’ll only charge three dollars per brow, and throw in an upper lip for free.  I mean, who wouldn’t put their appearance in the hands of a complete amateur who has already professed to know and care very little about all things fashionable?  It’s a great idea!  I’m not licensed; not even a little…but doesn’t that make it more exciting?

That’ll be my company slogan…

Camille’s Cosmetic Crapshoot: We’re not licensed…that’s why we’re so cheap.  100% satisfaction guarantee, or your money—wait, never mind about the satisfaction.  You get what you pay for, and all sales are final.

Come to think of it, reading this blog is kind of like shooting craps with your time every day.  You never know what I’m going to write about; some days, you might be forced to read about my eyebrows and my business schemes and my hair follicles and the like.  Some days, reading my blog is a total waste of your time.  Some days, you just get majorly gypped.

Good thing it’s cheap to read.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in change, Cutting Back, I hate change, It's All Good, oh brother what next. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to One Giant Crapshoot

  1. You are hilarious. Your comment on my blog made me laugh out loud. And you are not grumpy at all- why do you think that? I should know how nice your truly are, I KNOW you. We hung out in the Caribbean together. I’m not just any old reader. :)

    If you learned how to thread eyebrows then I’d fly you to Utah. Have you ever heard of threading your eyebrows? All the people from India that were living in Grand Cayman would thread each other’s eyebrows. It was sooooo cool.

  2. Oh and I just realized that I’m eating carrots in a quiet study area! I’m such a hypocrite (but it’s still not as annoying as clearing your throat every five seconds). No rush emailing me. I don’t even remember what I wrote you about last.

  3. Jenn says:

    WOW, I am impressed. I finally started going to get my eyebrows waxed about 10 years ago in college, because a friend told me it really needed to be done. I won’t show you before and after! But I would never dream of doing it myself, so scary! Good job, they look great. Re: making extra money (insert shameless plug here) I am now selling Tupperware for extra money for the holidays. Anyone from anywhere can order on my website: http://my2.tupperware.com/jennford
    If any of your readers order something from me, maybe I’ll let you wax my eyebrows! (next time I am in Canada!) Haha! Seriously though, great job!

  4. Kimberly says:

    OK you have my attention – what product did you use to do it? They look great!

  5. angie says:

    i just about died laughing at your comment on angela hardisons blog and i just had to come read yours. wow thank you for giving me a substantial ab workout while reading your latest post. we should be friends. oh and your brows look great!

  6. Molly says:

    Crapshoots are us… :P I love it. I wish you were here, I would totally pay you to wax mine, they are a crazy mess… :(

  7. chelsie says:

    I just forked over 12 bones this weekend to get mine done, and they never turn out how I want them anyway, so I am convinced to do my own the next time. (actually now, to make them how I want them.)

  8. RatalieNose says:

    That is beyond awesome! Good for you!!

  9. Geneva says:

    Yay! I’m glad it turned out so awesome! I’m glad I’m not the only who is obsessed with feeling the eyebrow smoothness. Best of luck in your future waxing endeavors!

  10. Rachel says:

    Aha! As someone who used to actually do this professionally, could I recommend a hard wax instead of the thin wax you need to remove with muslin? You apply it fairly thickly, it hardens, you flick up a corner to get a grip on it, and swiftly remove it against the direction of hair growth trying to avoid pulling up on the skin. It’s kinder to the skin (especially if you prep the skin first as recommended), requires no muslin or pellon strips, and is actually fun to use. I’ve waxed many a body part in my day, and it’s also great for toe and finger hair too. And nose hair, but that would require a video to explain. Also ear hair.

  11. Katie says:

    Your eyebrows look great! And by the way, not to be a suck-up or anything, but yours is one blog I read that is NOT a crapshoot…I pretty much know I will laugh whenever I read it!

  12. Camberley says:

    We are on the same eyebrow cycle. Just got my fuzzy little caterpillars pruned yesterday.

    ~C

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