Paint Me Green and Grow Me a Beard—It’s Christmas Time, By Golly!

I already said that not only do I not feel any sort of Christmas spirit, but I’m beginning to kind of hate it.

Tonight, with Poor Kyle out of town, I sat down to watch a little telly (at my in-laws’ house, on account of our cable being revoked a few months ago), and was secretly delighted to see that the local channel was featuring Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Image from here.

That movie has long been one of my favourite Christmas flicks—it’s always been a sure-fire way to get me into the swing of the holidays and really feel the joy of the season the way I used to as a kid.

This year, however, all I could focus on was…

…that poor little dog.

Amazing blinking image from here.

I just felt so sorry for that dog, and I very rarely feel compassion for any animals.  For some reason, though, little ol’ Max really pulled at my heartstrings.  He’s always taking abuse from the nasty, mean Mr. Grinch:

Image from here.

And those antlers!  They must weigh ten times the poor dog’s own BMI…

Image from here.

Soon I asked myself, as I sat watching the classic movie I so revered in my childhood, Why? Why does Max stay with mean old Mr. Grinch?  Does he have no other alternative?  Does he have no place to go?  Or maybe he’s just stuck in the midst of a vicious abuse cycle…never trusting himself to maintain an identity beyond being the Grinch’s slave…  As for me, I would never put up with such mistreatment.  I would have to be chemically sedated to allow myself to be treated like garbage that way.”

I was working up a brilliant load of steam, becoming more furious with the dog than sympathetic, when it occurred to me: Who on Earth cares? It’s a 30-minute animated movie made in the ’60s.  Life was wonky in the ’60s.  I mean, Dr. Seuss actually wrote phrases like “They flared their flamsneegles and stomped their stompeezles,” and still got published. Has anyone in the history of the world ever questioned Max’s motives for playing lapdog to the Grinch?  I seriously doubt it…because it’s the dumbest thing a person could possibly worry about at a time like this.  Times like today, when I had to bake from sunup to sundown, and most of my concoctions failed pathetically.  Times like tomorrow, when I’ll have to shower and make myself presentable for a slew of mall-shoppers and their *darling* children.  Times like the day after that, when I have to show up at a Christmas party thirty minutes early to play some piano music which I haven’t yet practised.

May this be a Christmas lesson to all of you.

This holiday season, do people a favour and fret about things that actually matter.

What are you anxious about this week?

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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16 Responses to Paint Me Green and Grow Me a Beard—It’s Christmas Time, By Golly!

  1. Heber says:

    You don’t need a beard, the grinch shaves.

  2. Holly Decker says:

    i couldnt POSSIBLY narrow it down to ONE thing i am anxious about.

    and ps. i think you will do splendid on the piano piece… because, i know your skills. who needs practice? ;)

  3. linda rae says:

    Well, I am here to tell you that all of Camille’s concoctions yesterday were deeeeelicious! The lemon cheesecake, the SUGARFREE lemon cheesecake, the gingerbread cake, the lemon curd sauce, and the banana cranberry bread were all stellar. I love her baking talents. And I love eating the fruits of her labors.

    Don’t believe a thing she says.

  4. HeatherPride says:

    Oh, I’m a bundle of nerves right now, and I always felt a ton of compassion for the Grinch’s poor dog. But that was not as bad as the story of Nester, the Christmas Donkey, who escaped the mean stable master with his mother who then dies in a snow storm protecting him from the cold and he has to go forth alone and terrified until Mary and Joseph enlist him to carry Mary into Bethlehem. THAT is the worst Christmas cartoon ever.

  5. Jami says:

    my effing finals!

  6. Whitney says:

    Did my cousin actually say effing? I couldnt possible narrow my anxiety to one thing… With finals, graduation and a new baby coming my way. I guess finals would be only bad thing is that last sentence but still the baby thing can cause alittle anxiety.

  7. Lauren says:

    My friend. I too have always felt sad about the dog. He is just so cute in a hideous way. And he always shrinks into submission when around that horrible grinchy thing. Let’s wallow together.

  8. WhoNose? says:

    I HATE FINALS AS WELL!!!!! WHO CARES ABOUT FREAKING CP CHEMISTRY!?????!?!?!?!?! REALLY? OH AND ALGEBRA 2????????? POINTLESS!!! WHEN I’M A THIRD GRADE TEACHER I’M NOT GOING TO BE TEACHING THEM ABOUT IDIOTIC COMPOUNDS AND ELEMENTS OR THE BLASTED VERTEX FORM EITHER. So what I’m trying to say it WHAT’S THE POINT??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???????????!!!!!!!?!!?!?

  9. anonymous says:

    nonono u r not the only one i have always felt so bad 4 the poor dog every time i watch that movie

  10. Carmen says:

    That I still have yet to get my Christmas cards done. I am still waiting on my sister because she has all the cute contraptions (scrapbook cutters, stamps etc) to make them and so far she hasn’t had time to get together with me and make them. Arrgh. Next year we are getting together in November and getting them done.

  11. It is usually impossible to get him to blog but I think he just did it because it was an anniversary type thing.

  12. anony. friend says:

    You make a good point about that sad little dog…. but I do not know why people stay in relationships even when they are being treated badly. I ask myself that a lot, actually. Perhaps because there is history there – kids, families, etc. are all involved…. too scared to leave, but too scared to continue this path. It’s a hard one, because I know. I stay because of security, and for my kids sake. But then, again, is it best for the poor babies to be around it all, or better for them to deal with the heartbreak that comes of the leaving? All I can say is, that poor doggie. I love him.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    Everything! I’m starting to feel the same way as you are about Christmas. Sad, isn’t it?

  14. Joel says:

    I still think that its funny you consider taking a shower a major accomplishment of the day… :)

    And your I’m-sure-on-purpose spelling errors have raised a question in my mind: When you write papers for your English class that you’re taking in Canada (which in an of itself is weird since we speak WAY better English here), do they accept American spellings to words, or our you going to be forced to throw in extra U’s and use S’s where Z’s belong and other blasphemy like that?

  15. I have always felt sorry for the dog too.. I think he has codependancy issues. he is the true exemplar of unconditional love even for that nasty old man. I have known a lot of people who fit this (dogs) description in human form.

    I didnt dig the new version of the grinch.

  16. carrie says:

    Max has that stockholm syndrome. That is why he says………….

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