Philosophical

Well, I didn’t get the job.

In preparing for the dreaded phone call, I was all set to say something snarky and flippant, like, “Oh, that’s too bad, you’re really missing out.” But when the interviewer called to give me the bad news, my passive aggressive heart couldn’t bear to cause any sort of confrontation, even with the voice of a woman I’d surely never see again. Instead, I just said, “Okay, thanks for telling me.”

Then she insisted on explaining why I didn’t get the job, even though I was ready for the conversation to be over approximately three seconds after it’d begun. Apparently one applicant had more online experience (unlikely), and one applicant had tutored previously. (Yes, I lost to TWO applicants—Lame’s my name, don’t wear it out.)

Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I have lately begun to embrace—truly embrace—the idea that I can try my hardest, and do my best, but in the end some things will still be out of my control.

What will be will be—I think that’s how it goes.

I can take my decisions to the Lord, and I can say, “Hey, God, I’d really like to land this job that pays over $20 an hour. I believe it is a righteous desire to make that much money; I think it would help our family. Here’s what I would do with that money if you could land me the job: Pay tithing. Pay taxes. Pay off George Jettson. Pay tuition. And then, if there’s anything left, I’m not gonna lie, God: I’d probably buy some new clothes…but I would buy them at the thrift store, does that help my case?”

[My prayers tend to drag out a little; sometimes I wonder if God saves them for his secretaries to muddle through.]

And after all that—after all those pleas and petitions, and after doing my best and getting to the interview early, with an ironed shirt and flossed teeth—if I still don’t get the job, I can safely assume that I wasn’t supposed to get it.

Because the only alternative is to believe that my life is one heaping sack of screwups and failures and might’ve-beens…and that’s no way to live.

Instead, I choose to believe that not getting this job is some sort of blessing. Like maybe I would’ve wrecked my car on my way to work some frigid December morning. Or maybe I would’ve gotten raped in the parking lot after work one night. Or maybe it would’ve put us into a higher tax bracket. Or maybe I just need to learn to live without money. (And if that’s the case, it’s gonna be a long, hard life I think.)

I don’t know the meaning behind it, but I do know this:

Disappointment is temporary.

And that helps me sleep at night.

(But it doesn’t do a dang thing for quelling my dreams of wealth untold.)

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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14 Responses to Philosophical

  1. Just a thought: The recruiters/HR people at my job will sometimes call an applicant back months after they decline a position because something comes up that they think would be suitable… I’ve been turned down for a few positions that I was very interested in (and better-suited to than the successful candidate), but it’s always helped my career to maintain a good relationship with the people who declined me these positions. (And it’s ended up with a job I absolutely love and am perfectly suited for. =) So keep faith. (And be nice to recruiters. =)

    Best of luck finding something that you love soon.. =)

  2. Jordan says:

    At least the jobs you interview for call you back. I had one interview 4 months ago that I never heard back from and another that I had to get on their website and find out that my status changed to ‘not chosen’. So much for those HR people! And good luck on the job hunting.

  3. My prayers and thought process are the exact same.

    Whenever I miss my freeway exit I tell myself “I probably avoided a horrific car accident that would have left me on feeding tubes and oxygen tanks”.

    -C

  4. Rachel says:

    All I have to say is “amen” and give you my complete empathy on our parallel experiences.

  5. bummer. but i’m sure something else (maybe better?) will come up.

  6. Chloe says:

    Oh, I’m sorry, Camille.
    But I’m sure that if you didn’t get this job, it’s because the Lord has planned something better for you :) You just have to wait.

  7. Alaina says:

    Ugh, I’m so sorry you didn’t get the job. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you that something does come up soon!

  8. Jessica bern says:

    I couldn’t agree w/you more. I tell myself all the time, “I did the best that I can and I can’t do more than that. If I still don’t get what I wanted then it wasn’t meant to be. Period”.

  9. Shesten says:

    It’s a learned thing – what you’re going through – and something that has taken me a lot longer to learn than most. To be humble and submit to the will of God is so incredibly hard when we don’t see Him or hear Him every day.

    To put our best efforts into getting something we want/need, and then failing to get that thing, is frustrating and depressing. But when you look back on your life, when you get some distance from this instance of want/need, you will see how He truly has a hand in guiding you in the direction you should go, and how much better off you are for not getting what you wanted/needed at the time.

    It’s too bad for me that it’s taken me about 12 years from the first time my heart was broken over some thing I couldn’t get even though I was qualified and worked hard to get it, to learn that lesson. Now, I’m so grateful I didn’t get it. My life would be so incredibly different, and not in a good way, and all I can do is be grateful that I wasn’t allowed that thing I wanted and worked so very hard for.

    Hold on. You’ll make it through. I’m so glad you’re so wise. ♥

  10. Alexa Mae says:

    dangit! i’m sorry girl. i think that exactly that same way. “i bet i was going to die or something if that DID happen.” for some reason, all of your posts make me laugh therefore spit at my computer screen. you are the only one that does this! i love you.

  11. anna says:

    Bummer. But, really, it’s true, it didn’t happen for a reason. I’ve learned (the hard way) that sometimes the “reason” isn’t always exciting and not always even what I wanted. But it’s what I needed. And it will be what you need too… so maybe riches and fame aren’t what you need. Darn. :)

  12. HeatherPride says:

    Dadgum, Camille. I really hope it’s because there’s something much, much better waiting for you out there! :D

  13. chelsie says:

    We are MFEO! I am in the same boat… well except the one place I interviewed with never called me back, only left an email contact, and won’t return any emails requesting more information… You’re gonna find something I know it!!!

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