Save My Soul and I’ll Throw In a Kitty.

I do not like cats.

If you like cats, I may or may not still like you. I have several friends whose families own cats…and I love those friends dearly. But…show me too many pictures you’ve taken with your cats on Christmas, or send me too many emails about the “cute” things your cat does when she’s in heat, and it is a serious possibility that we’ll never be close friends at all.

Here are my reasons:

1. Every cat I have ever met has seemed so…sneaky. Let’s get one thing straight: I do not act like I like cats when I am around them. I don’t pretend to care about my friends’ cats. No, I am not necessarily openly hostile to other people’s pets [much as I would like to kick every little tigger I see to the next side of Timbuktu], but neither do I put on false airs of loving the creatures. I mostly ignore them when I see them. Why, then, do cats feel the need to sneak up behind me, uninvited, and slink between my ankles, tickling my legs with their fuzzy fuzzy hair? They make no noise (unlike dogs whose claws at least clickety-clack on tile floor), so I am always caught unaware. And I am always left feeling suspicious of these felines’ motives. Sneaky.

2. Cats are takers; they will take as much as they can out of any relationship, and rarely give anything in return. Obviously, I realise that few animals have much to offer any person by way of material goods…but one would think a cat could at least show its owner an occasional inkling of gratitude. Heck, even the humblest of dogs can understand the importance of a simple tail-wag. Instead, though, I have observed that, after they have taken all they can, cats only retreat further into their self-absorbed little lives. Never openly willing to show affection, cats remind me of some of the worst dates of my life. Maybe that’s why I can barely tolerate them.

3. Those pictures. They annoy me more than I could possibly express through the written word.

Image from here.

So if I am so vehement in my dislike of cats, why do I feel so sad for the poor little homeless wretch (read: kitten) that has taken up residence in my sister’s backyard wood pile? [Oh yeah–I’m in Arizona. Good guesses, everyone!] I mean it when I say I do not care for cats. But this one…she has meowed and meowed at the back door for the past three nights, and even though it is a hideous, wretched sound, I kind of feel…sad for it.

This cat is free to a good home. Or a bad home. Heck, it can be a whorehouse for all I care.

“Meow…meow…MEOW!!!” she whines, and all I can think is how lonely it must be out there. She is, after all, just a kitten. Plus, she has a little belt-looking collar, so she belongs to someone, and I would probably appreciate it if I were in the owner’s position.

Staring straight at me, as though there is something I can do for her.

I still haven’t fed her, because I am entrenched in a deep internal battle between everything I stand for and everything that’s right [and no, those two things don’t always match up]. But honestly, I don’t know how this cat is still alive after an entire week of this. I don’t want it to die…I just want it out of my life.

I cannot make decisions like this. What should I do? Anybody lost a cat out there? Or…does anybody want to save this one’s life? Because my sister is ready to put a little bowl of antifreeze out there for the dang thing, and try as I might, I cannot feel good about this.

Seriously though. Free kitty. Anyone? Anyone?

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in oh brother what next, what I'm about. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Save My Soul and I’ll Throw In a Kitty.

  1. theycallmeaft says:

    rumor has it there is a cat lady living in the condos at country club heights (off of 8th street and longmore). chip webb lives there and he and his wife just took in a kitten off the street a few weeks ago and some lady who lives near by tried to steal it from them. so worse case scenario go drop it off in the parking lot and i’m sure it will get at least fed. glad to hear you’re in the AZ again!

  2. Kristi K. says:

    You should read my post about killing the cat, it’s a good thing I don’t like cats either!!!

  3. HeatherPride says:

    Oh poor kitty! I’m a dog person myself, but I have a soft spot for animals in general. I hope he finds his way home!

  4. Zach and Whitney says:

    Yeah Cats not so much. Dogs are my thing but I too have a soft spot for lost animals. Aftons idea is good.Please feed and water it. It need it. Its so hot!

  5. Anonymous says:

    I take much pleasure in your hate of cats! Wretched devils.

    I also like your third picture.


  6. Kim and Jason says:

    I used to not be a fan of cats until my old roommate left hers with me and the kitten & I ended up bonding. Now I can't imagine life without her and I feel bad for the poor things when they get abandoned. You could always take it to a shelter or pet foster family, lots of people like to take in kittens. Poor thing.

  7. Anonymous says:

    oooh! PLEASE feed the poor thing! i know it’s a cat, i don’t like them either, but it’s so cute in a pathetic sort of way!

  8. Melissa says:

    I’m not a cat person, or an animal person. I have a feeling that the cat may belong to the lady at the end of the street. You know the one… It smells like dirty litter box when you walk by. Yeah, that one. She has at least 47 cats so she may not know this one is missing. Or that it was even born.

  9. Raygon says:

    Feed the poor thing!

    What is your secret? I am dying to know…

  10. Mistakes for Marion says:

    Hmm…I find myself in a similar question of ethics. My brother kept cats at my current residence before he left. However, they continue to hang around…and I’m not going to feed them.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Is there a heart in there? Feed it and take it somewhere,this kitten is suffering. Cruelity!!!!!

  12. motherof3 says:

    My daughter picked up a stray once and it scratched her arm so that we had to take her to the hospital to have some shots… ever since that time, i have forged a mortal enemy in the cat…

    Loved your post!


  13. Jami says:

    camille! Cats eat roaches! Even though I don’t love them, I respect them simply because they eat the most awful creatures ever! I will take the damn cat! What do cats eat? Are they like pigs..they eat everything. Just give it water, that is the even compromise. Also, I will be at my house most of the day…call my parents house first.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Camille! look like the little kitty made it in to my sister house,!! who want’s it?? it’s up from takes! Jami??

  15. Anonymous says:

    Call the animal shelter. At least if it isn’t adopted it will be humanely put to sleep.

  16. Geneva says:

    I think that cats can sense how much we despise them. that is why they are inexplicably drawn to us. I am highly allergic to cats, like walk in a room and tell if there is a cat, allergic. every single one i’ve encountered has felt the need to rub my leg. I think they really do know.

    PS Look me up while you’re in town if you feel so inclined.

  17. Pingback: {The Longest Post Ever Written About the Shortest Relationship Which Never Happened} | Archives of Our Lives

Comments are closed.