Take Heart, Little One; The Worst is Yet to Come

On my way to school this morning, I burst into tears for no apparent reason.

Yeah, it was one of those days.

Interestingly enough, though, on my way home from school twelve hours later, I experienced a sudden bout of optimism.  I know, right?  That never happens.  Anyway, I did.  I had just finished a long day at school (of which there are two more before finals), I’d spent hours completing first drafts of two out of three research papers due next week (two thirds done with the first half—what percentage is that?), and I had an episode of Gossip Girl waiting at home for me.  I was feeling much more cheerful than I had been this morning.

I could literally feel a bounce in my step as I considered all the good things in my life. “This semester is nearly over, and I don’t even have too many pimples to show for the stress. I know it’s a little daunting now, but every semester about this time I get to feeling overwhelmed, and every semester, I make it through all right.  The key is to prioritise, take little steps.  You can do it—you’ve always done it!”

And then…I jinxed myself.  Out of the clear blue, with no motivation that I could distinguish, I just…turned grouchy again.  One minute I was thinking, “Take heart, old chap, things will be getting better soon, you can do it, you’ve always done it,” and my thought immediately following was, “AND YOU ALWAYS WILL.”  And snap! just like that, I was right back to my old familiar pessimism.  “Yeah, cheer up,” I sneered to myself, “the worst is yet to come.  This is only one semester in a looong line of semesters guaranteed to be as horrific as this one, if not worse. You’ve been a college student for so long, no wonder you have it down pat—you’ll NEVER BE FINISHED.  Graduate?  Ha!  That’s just a fairy tale.  You’ll never make it that far.  What’s more, you have dandruff. You’re weak.  WEAK.”

Oy vey with the negative self-talk, eh?

College Takes its TollUndoubtedly, I have cause to worry—school is very clearly taking its toll on me.

I guess there’s no real reason to tell you this.  It’s not like I experienced a sudden realisation that my negativity would be the death of me; I just quickly silenced the creepy bipolar voice inside my head and drove home.  I mean, what else could I have done, really?

Don’t worry, I’m not depressed—I’ll save that for spring semester, when I don’t have Christmas to look forward to.

But I really do have dandruff.  It’s horrible.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in Canada, my edjumacation and me, quickies, woe is me and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Take Heart, Little One; The Worst is Yet to Come

  1. Alexa Mae says:

    Hi darling friend! You are amazing and I admire you. I could not do what you do everyday. I would have given up, I really would have. You are great like that…you see it to the end. And there will be an end to this school nonsense. I love reading your writing and hope someday i will be reading your book. Will you send me and autographed copy of that by the way? I do love you and thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers….they really work. And hey! it’s almost Friday. xoxo

  2. Alexa Mae says:

    yesssss i was first!

  3. chelsie says:

    we are one in the same my friend…

  4. GRANMAMA says:

    Try using shampoo. I’ve heard it works wonders on the dandruff and winter doldrums. Another cure is to eat an Arizona orange and think about the guy that planted them.
    (Te amo y te quiero. Yo se que tu puedes hacer cual que cosa que necisitas para tener exito. ¡Te eres una hija de Dios! Con demasiado cariño. Tu mama.)

  5. Whitney says:

    You really can do it though!!!! School is ridiculous. This I know. But Its so worth it. And one day when you are done and you are raising little children(or chickens) youll drive by the school you once attended and think ” things were way easier than, I dont know why I complained so much.”

  6. I don’t know how many times I have flip-flopped between optimism and pessimism when pondering completion of a major milestone like finals. The best of skill (not luck) in completing everything and enjoying the upcoming holidays.

  7. I just have to say that your mother is probably the cutest thing for writing in Spanish. I hope it wasn’t supposed to be a secret because I understood it (thanks to high school Spanish classes :).

    Yes, “the child has a name.” Your comment was so funny. We named him Oliver David Crandall. I’ll post more about the delivery and all that later. And, I did comment and read your blog while I was in the hospital. I found more time to blog in the hospital than I do in my regular life. You should try it! :)

  8. Molly says:

    as I like to say, “the light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train”.

  9. Holly Janeen says:

    yep. right there with ya on the bipolar self chats. one second i am like, “i love motherhood, i have everything to be happy about. it cant get better than this!” and the next i am thinking, “this whole life thing is wretched… why did i sign up for this? how can i end it sooner?”

    yeah. probably too much info.
    but just know that i am impressed with you and your accomplishments. and um… you ARE spending christmas in canada, right? cuz if you are going to be in Mesa… well… what are the chances of me being able to actual FEEL your waxed armpits in person? haha… jk. i will be in Mesa for Christmas… and if you have any advice on enjoying my time to the max, let me know.

  10. Are you, by any chance, pmsing???

Comments are closed.