Thanks. For Nothing.

This is madness.

I cannot believe my own readers (of which there are 100 or so, as far as I can tell [not much, but hey–they’re mine]) do not support me in not supporting Poor Kyle’s remarriage.

Whose side are you all on, anyway? Poor Kyle is not the one who writes faithfully here every day (or night), laboring endlessly thinking of clever new topics to keep you entertained. You want to know a secret? He doesn’t even care about you much. Oh, sure, he reads your comments (which are becoming fewer and fewer lately. [Don’t think I haven’t noticed.]), but does he ever leave any of his own? No. It’s like he doesn’t even want to be connected with my blog, or any of you; as though we’re some strange distant relatives he only sees at family reunions every other year, and even then he doesn’t sit with us at lunch.

So how can you all be siding with him? Traitors.

The only one of you who has been loyal throughout my time of serious travail has been Anonymous #2 and #3, who I secretly suspect are the same person. So that is it; one person out of 100 agrees that I should be Poor Kyle’s one-and-only, and that I am right in my decision to haunt Poor Kyle if he ever remarries after I die young. And he or she won’t even leave his or her name.

If this doesn’t beat all.

The only thing you can do to make up for your mistreatment of me is to participate in the new survey I’m posting on the right sidebar. All you have to do is answer the following question:

If Camille took a page out of Bossy’s book and tried to go on an excellent road trip next summer, would you be interested in giving her a place to sleep at night?

That’s it. I was going to write a thrilling post complete with before-and-after photos, tense controversies, and personal life scandals…but now all you get is a lousy survey.

And it’s all you deserve, after yesterday’s abandonment. I hope you’re sorry.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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21 Responses to Thanks. For Nothing.

  1. linda rae says:

    Sure. You can stay with us anytime. Even if it’s just two blocks away.

    We’ll leave the light on for you.

    P.S. What is it I’m supposed to be sorry for? I forgot…

  2. Adell Atwood says:

    Millie,

    Oh quit your crying! I didn’t say I was against your decision. I said that if that’s what you decided, I would support you by raising your children. Hell’s bells, woman. I think all that cold is going to your head.

  3. Adell Atwood says:

    Millie,

    P.S.: I don’t know if you changed the color so that after I click on a link it shows green rather than that neon yellow, but if that’s the case, thanks! Now I can see all the links, including the comment area.

  4. Anonymous says:

    This is one of the anonymous people (no, not both, so you have atleast 3 supporters!). We don’t want to tell you who we are because it lessens the power of this mystery message. We don’t know how to not be anonymous anyways, so… Oh, and just because you feel somewhat alone in your opinion doesn’t make it any less right:)

  5. Loralee Choate says:

    I think that you should come visit Raygon and then we should all visit each other. HEE!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Are you kidding me? If they brought back polygamy to the main stream I would be first in line to sign my husband up for some wives. I would have a sister wife to clean the house, one to do the cooking, one to take care of the kids, and one to take care of my husband. Of course we wouldn’t dress like those women in Texas with their ugly dresses, hair and no make-up. We would be stylish. It would be great! Just like a sorority. Sounds like I’ve thought about this a lot, huh.

  7. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    camille, holding grudges is so unattractive.

    the bright side is…

    when you get to heaven, if you make it to heaven, then everything else really won’t matter. i hear things just have a way of working themselves out up there.

  8. Anonymous says:

    camille,
    if i’m counting right, which is unlikely, anon 2 and 3 aren’t the same person, in comments on last post, if we all assume adell’s anons are obvious, always starting with “millie”. so i’ll clear up my position using comment number, on last post. i’m the anon who placed comments 7,10,and 14.but no others, anon wise.i did do a brief comment, non anon, that i THOUGHT was logically connected to my first anon comment,perhaps people skip over when they see the J word.

    to answer the survey, if you can sleep on a couch, yes.

  9. Mikelle says:

    Ok, I skipped out on the last post, but I understand where you are coming from…

    You should come visit me!! We have horses…don’t know if that is your thing or not, but I figured I’d try a bribe! And we are only 4 hours from your favorite nephew, so we’re practically neighbors.

  10. Zach and Whitney says:

    Camille I had not read the post below until now… and Like a true friend I completely agree with you! I tell Zach all the time he can never remarry if I die. Like I want another woman sharing my husband with me through eternity… I think NOT!

  11. Raygon says:

    I agree with Loralee! Come see me and we can make a quick drive to see her! Put us on your list of places to visit!

  12. Aimee says:

    Well, sadly it took chastisement for me to chime in. I didn’t discuss the last post with Joel because he doesn’t talk about “what ifs” very well and it frustrates me when I try to with him. I completely agree with your feelings, Camille, I just channeled them into a different decision – which is not to say yours is wrong. All I know now is that it is not good for man to be alone, and I believe Joel wouldn’t last long as a good and healthy person without a wife. (I wonder if he’ll read this and bring it up?) Do I want to share him? Heck no! I’ve already got enough self esteem issues to deal with. But it’s more important to me that he make it to the Celestial kingdom so I can be with him forever (even if he’s with someone else forever as well) if we can’t die or be twinkled at the same time. And I believe every man needs a good woman to help him reach the highest degree of glory. {Although, if we really had a good sit down I bet Joel would be the one convincing me that it would be ok if he never remarried.} Moving on . . .

    I voted for the guest bedroom even though the actual situation in our house would be a queen size air mattress in the middle of the family room in the basement, but I rate that higher than the couch. And I promise that Joel and I would never think of using you as a babysitter so we could go to dinner or something the night you came, if you came, because we would actually like to meet you if you came our way. Not make you our mortal enemy. :)

  13. Joel says:

    “…I’ll have tried the whole consummation-of-the-relationship (and realised I can live without it)…”

    It has become, suddenly, VERY, VERY clear why you call him “Poor Kyle.”

  14. Anonymous says:

    hhhmmmmmmm, joel’s funny and clever.is he new?
    i like his name too. is he available?

  15. Aimee says:

    I ain’t dead yet, so no.

  16. Anonymous says:

    aimee, you’re funny too. i want to be your and joel’s second wife.

    and hey yeah, to y’all, no way, them polywogs in texas really need to get some style sense. like, they’re no hutterites. i swear all them dresses came from the same pattern. real old one.

  17. Jolene says:

    If you’re for polygamy then you should take advantage of it in this life, not in the next. You should at least be able to share dinner, laundry, cleaning…
    otherwise forget it. So, I”m totally not against you. The point I was trying to make is that my husband can’t take care of himself anymore…

    You could totally crash at my place, cuz, you know, alaska is on your way everywhere.

  18. lindser-lou says:

    Had i been a better friend i would have checked your blog yesterday and commented on the fact that i am selfish like you and dont want to share my husband. Ever. In this life or the next..however that all works out. But it goes both ways…if he doesnt get to remarry than neither to I.

    So in the horrific event that our new husbands tragically die at a young age, we should move in together and be bitter widows and scrapbook all the rest of our days. That’s my plan.

    (p.s. if you ever come to mesa and your parents and sister happen to abandon you, you have a delightful yet stylish daybed from IKEA with your name on it for the night.)

  19. Kim & Jason says:

    Oh shoot, I missed the poll :-( I would have said, yes, you can have the guest room!

    How weird you were having the death talk, Jason & I had that conversation not too long ago. Like would we want to be buried here in Tennessee where we live or be sent to be buried back home where our families live? Would the surviving one of us stay in Tennessee? Get remarried? It’s a weird thing to think about when its just the two of us and no family anywhere nearby.

  20. Holly Janeen says:

    so glad to know that you think i am a terrible and unsuportive reader of your blog!
    psh.

    good thing i dont care, because YOU arent a main supporter of MY blog either. so ha.

    anyways, off of sarcastic replies and on to the serious ones…

    you are welcome to come stay with me, that is, if you want to visit Orem or Mesa… cuz those are the two places i will be living in the next three months. i know, not very exotic, eh? :)

  21. The Lowry's says:

    You can sure stay with us even though we are only 20 minutes away. It might be your first stop on your road trip, but on second thought, I’m sure you are going to head south, not north. You should stop in some time anyways when you are in Lethbridge. And sorry, I have to agree with everyone else. I think Kyle should remarry if you happen to pass. I would want Jeff too…but hopefully it will never happen.

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