“Media Monkeys and Their Junket Junkies.”

Really?  Really, readers?  Only nine comments on my last post about the latest fashions with which I’m clothing my body?

Picture 1How disappointing.

And I tried so hard…I thought it was some of my best work, but I only got nine comments on it, so obviously it wasn’t very good.

When I don’t get the expected number of comments on a post that I’m pretty sure is good, I immediately begin to descend into the doleful dredges of blogging self-doubt.  I go through the same basic routine every time:

“Maybe it was some holiday and people weren’t online as much…no, my stats are normal.”

“Maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought it was…  Maybe they didn’t get that I was poking fun at myself when I said, ‘I’m so, like, totally trendy…’  No, there’s no way they could think I was being serious when I said that.  If I’m trendy, then the Queen of England is penniless and balding…”

“Maybe they wear their boots with their skinny jeans.  Maybe they all own that hideous sweater from Anthropologie™.  Maybe they don’t appreciate that I just called it hideous. Maybe they’re un-friending me on Facebook™ as I’m typing this.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.”

Fact is, I can’t please everyone.  I can’t even please anyone.  A lot of people hate me.  Maybe you hate me.  I’m not going to say I don’t care, because that would be cold and unfeeling; plus, it goes against my blogging creed, which is to say, I blog For the People.  For you. So I can’t say I don’t care what people think, because I do care—leastwise, I care what my darling readers think.  I want them to like my blog, so they can tell all their friends about me, and I can get bigger and famouser and maybe someday make money blogging, which will, in turn, allow me to quit my day job and dedicate my entire life to the creation of ever more fascinating blog posts.

So of course I care. But I can’t allow myself to judge my own worth on whether or not I get more than twenty comments on any given post.  It’s not healthy.  I’ve got to stop.

Still, I hope you don’t hate me.  Hate is a strong word. [“But I really, really, really don’t like you!”  Anyone?  Who knows the song?]  I have felt hatred towards lots of things and people in my life, but I can honestly say I don’t, to my knowledge, hate a blogger I’ve never met before.  It seems kind of hard to feel such passion (because indeed, when I hate, I hate with PASSION [as in, I cannot STAND that wretched, vile, monstrously sinister English 101 professor whose life goal it is to sit around in her swank office and contemplate ways to make my life miserable through tactics mainly involving exorbitant sums of GROUP WORK assignments, the evil psycho hosebeast]) for someone I’ve never actually met.

I hope you don’t hate me.

But if you do, and there’s nothing I can do to change your mind about it, please, by all means…TELL ME OF YOUR HATRED.  I want to hear about it—every seething, scathing word.  Hate mail kind of thrills me, to be honest.

And once I gather enough, I’ll do like Dooce™ and make some money off it.

***This post is written in conjunction with Sprite’s Keeper’s weekly Spin Cycle, the topic of which, this week, is “Hate.”  Click here to see more of this week’s most hate-ish posts on the internet.***

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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26 Responses to “Media Monkeys and Their Junket Junkies.”

  1. Jordan says:

    I was left speechless after your last post- hence no comment ;)

  2. Nope, no hate here! A little fear maybe, but definitely no hate! I have felt less than appreciated before when some posts just don’t get the comment love, but meh. As long as you write it for you, what do the comments matter? You know people are reading, right? :-)
    And yes, this completely counts as a hate Spin! You’re linked!

  3. Geneva says:

    Plain white T’s :)

  4. Anonymous says:

    Relax. You’re fine. Just because you don’t get a lot of comments doesn’t mean it was bad writing. Just keep on keeping on, and you’ll be fine.

  5. Kimberly says:

    Sorry no hate here! Though I am hating that sweater, yuck!

  6. Alexa Mae says:

    yup, you know i just hate you so bad. hehe you are the best and i just read the post below…correction 11 comments. so let me know when you get those furry boots! ahhh

  7. Wanna know what I hate? The little monsters for avatars.

    But that is all.

    Oh…and mayonaise. It’s be-scusting.

  8. Laufa says:

    Question is, do you really care what other bloggies think of you? You wouldn’t be able to recognize them if they were standing in the grocery line with you. Don’t worry about the # of comments…remember there are always lurkers, they just may not have good typing skills.

  9. niki says:

    i’ve been a terrible blogger lately. Especially with my own blog, but a lot of the time i haven’t had time to even read many other blogs. so i missed your post. you know i would have commented on it, had i read it. which is what i’m about to do right now. i don’t hate you.

  10. TeamHaynes says:

    Yep, pure undeniable hatred. It started with the fact that you got married before me, I found out you’re like 40lbs lighter than me, AND you look good in any hairstyle/color! Not to mention you are way more entertaining than me!

    Hatred!

    No, I’m kidding about the hate part. I love your writing. If I’m the only one that comments will you still blog? I don’t want to be abandoned on this site alone waiting miserably for the next post that will never come. I’m a devoted reader so you’ll always have me! :)

  11. molly says:

    I LOVE that Busy Bee Lauren hates the Monster avatars, It was actually fairly easy to fix mine, perhaps later, when not commenting on my blackberry I’ll send you a tutorial on how to fix it, to increase tour reader base! Hehehe. I am a bit slow as I mentioned with my comment. I’m still not totally sure if you actually ordered any of those things.

    As much as I love your blog I must say comments on MY blog are few and far between, so I REFUSE to feel bad about lacking in comment quantity until you comment on more of my posts, google reader or no. :)

    Think neglegence(sp?), not hate ;)

  12. i hate the monster avatars too. hahaha. actually they’re funny. that last post had me laughing. wanna know something? reading blog posts is how i make myself wake up at 5:45 in the morning… i check my google reader via my iphone and read new posts in bed to keep my eyes open. so sometimes i forget to come back and comment…

  13. mameelynn says:

    nope no hate just limited time on-line with the demands of “Move it, Move it” from Madagascar on youtube from my two year old…. In my world 9 posts would be a lot! I don’t think I have ever had 9 posts on one blog before…. Mind you I’m not as cute or funny as you are…

  14. Alex says:

    i read you almost every day — i enjoy your writing style & your topics. the thing is, i’m always reading at work, so i try to read quickly & get back to what i’m paid for. or at least LOOK LIKE i’m getting back to what i’m paid for. so i don’t usually take the time to comment. don’t hate. haha

  15. Rachel says:

    Wait, I’m confused. If we don’t hate you were we not supposed to comment on this one?

  16. Bethany says:

    I love your posts! All of them! Sometimes I can’t think of cool enough things to comment on your oh so witty posts, so I don’t. You should definitely get paid to write blogs, I love your writing style and you always keep me interested in the story you tell! And I don’t hate you! Hope this makes you feel better!

  17. chelsie says:

    I hate that you are such a good flosser.

    I mean I can’t remember the last time a piece of floss touched these pearly whites…. oh the last time I went to the dentist {ok, possibly an overstatement}. So, when I see you floss floss flossing away I feel like such a hobo with bad hygiene.

    I guess, this shows that I don’t hate your flossing but the guilt you bring on when I see you doing it…. so does that count as something I hate about you?

    ****could anyone tell it was a stretch for me to find something I hate about my dear friend?

  18. camberley says:

    Try blogging with your sister. All of our readers comment on her posts. Do they comment on mine? No. Am I funnier? Yes.

    ~C

  19. Kelly says:

    I think I was speechless, not sure whether you were actually going to purchase the Oscar the Grouch-esque boots. Please don’t.

  20. RatalieNose says:

    Camille, I hate you.
    Camille, I loathe you.
    Camille, I lied.
    Camille, you crack me up.
    Camille, that post was brilliant.
    Camille, your readers are lame.
    Camille, okay I’m done writing your name.

  21. Christina says:

    I sort of want to get into your brain.

    P.S. – I have some matching gloves to go with those hawt boots in the last post. I heart them….SWOON! haha
    Oh since you don’t really know me I was just having a joke but you do know there is a whole different set of rules if you live in Canada so if you really did want those boots it would probably all work out because it is FREEZING…like plug in your car cold…like your bugers in your nostrils freeze in 2 seconds flat.

    Thanks for blogging for the people. These people are lovers not haters.

  22. kat says:

    Hey! 9 comments is amazing! I’ve been blogging for years and cannot tell you a single time I had NINE comments!

  23. Casey says:

    Now it’s my turn to say that I’m going to stay on YOUR good side. I definitely don’t hate you but I’m not so fond of Dooce. And btw, my fashion sense and time for fashion is sorely lacking.

  24. Christal says:

    camille camille you are to funny! I love your blog! You are the best writer ever and we love you! Great playing today didn’t get to say hi but hope you have a great week!

  25. I’ve been really bad at commenting (and blogging- I still haven’t finished my Europe posts from forever ago!) and reading others’ blogs, but I do always love stopping by yours because 1) there is always something new to read (you aren’t like me and let weeks go by in between posts) 2) you write very well and 3) I feel like you and I have a connection now that we’ve vacationed together in the Caribbean. :) Tell Kyle we said hello and right about now I could use a piece of that delicious pizza we had that one summer night long ago. :)

  26. jetro says:

    i’ve had an ardrious week, love, i’m glad you’ve been blogging it up. i don’t like to admit to hate, i don’t know what that means to people, various things irritate me. people on the bus, that stare at me. (they do). i try, sometimes, not to collect insult. doesn’t usually work.

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