The one where I break a promise.

I am not doing the gallon challenge.

I promised Cristin I would do it as my second official act of Project: Proxy.

But I can’t.

I don’t take my promises lightly, and breaking this one has been a difficult decision for me, but ultimately, it came down to one simple thing: to attempt the gallon challenge would be to go against nearly all of the ground rules I set for myself when beginning Project: Proxy.

Namely, those rules deem that the gallon challenge is:

a) immoral

b) illegal, and

c) seriously life-threatening.

How, you ask?

a) immoral: One gallon of milk cost some poor mother cow a lot of pain and misery. It’s bad enough I utilise their babies’ milk for my own nourishment; can I really allow myself to waste an entire gallon for a passing fancy? How many pregnant cows must lose their babies and stay in a permanent state of lactation for me to have my laughs? I cannot condone such wastefulness.

b) illegal: It goes against my legal code to waste $5.00 on a gallon of milk just to purposely vomit it back up again. I should be arrested for even thinking of committing such an heinous crime.

c) seriously life-threatening: The gallon challenge is a very dangerous, possibly even life-threatening practice. Well, according to this guy, anyway (but that is enough proof for me). And anyway, even if participating in the gallon challenge didn’t pose the risk of exploding my esophagus or screwing up my body’s electrolyte levels and killing me instantly, there would still be the unsettling fact that I’m almost guaranteed to throw up, and for me to willingly enter into such an unpleasant ordeal would be seriously damaging to my psychological health, because I really really hate throwing up.

For reals. I would be such a bad bulimic.

So, I’m sorry, Cristin. But I just can’t do it.

Submit something else, if you feel you can ever trust me again.

How about you ask me to draw a picture of what it would look like if I had fulfilled my promise?

Sure, I’d love to. Thanks for asking:

As for Lent, we’re still golden. (I learned this week that we aren’t supposed to tell what we gave up for Lent; it’s supposed to be a personal act of faith between God and ourselves. Oops.  Sorry to the Catholics. I didn’t mean any disrespect.)

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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9 Responses to The one where I break a promise.

  1. Maureen says:

    In all of my 12 years of Catholic schooling, I never once heard that you aren’t supposed to tell what you’re giving up for Lent. Actually, I think telling is better because it gives you a sort of support system, or something. So you’re good.

    And I wouldn’t do the gallon challenge either. Milk is gross going down and coming up.

  2. Cristin Lassen says:

    It’s okay, I forgive you and I won’t keep taunting you about it. I wouldn’t want to do it either.

    What about doing something with two very little kids that aren’t your own? I just took my two kids to the DMV and it was horrendous. I would like to see you do something similar with small children. HA!

  3. That’s probably a good idea. That sounds gross.

  4. Chloe says:

    I’m Catholic, but I’ve never heard I’m not supposed to tell what I’m giving up for Lent… So don’t worry :)
    Btw, that picture is HILARIOUS! Love Charles P.! The vomit is so REAL! LOL

  5. Chloe says:

    *Sorry, I mean “I’m a Catholic”

  6. GRANMAMA says:

    That which you focus on, you get more of. If you tell everyone what you gave aup (or are trying to give up) it makes it HARDER not easier to to do the Lent thing.

    I think you should blog about Halloween Night Milk Guzzling contests at Grandma’s. That;s almost as good as chugging a gallon.

    Te amo,

  7. I am with you. I would never do the gallon challenge. I absolutely HATE throwing up. Even though sometimes you feel better after throwing up, I still prefer not to. I just hate the feeling. Hopefully when you are pregnant you won’t get morning sickness. I was nauseous, but only threw up twice.

    So, my whole blog situation is a mess. I started a new one so that the old one could be used to tell everyone that I updated the new, private one (since google reader doesn’t work for private blogs). But, I still haven’t made the new one private because I’m lazy and organizing all the emails and what not is annoying. I will make it private eventually. It’s not like I don’t have all the time in the world to be on the computer (I’m taking the semester off of school to be with Oliver).

    Your comment on David’s post was so sweet and genuine. He was joking that my readers are superficial because I got more comments on my hair post than he did on his Haiti post. Ha!

  8. P.S. I like that you changed your background a bit!

  9. TeamHaynes says:

    Thank you for not doing the gallon challenge. For one, throwing up is gross. And WATCHING someone throw up is even grosser. I was thinking you could probably get me to blog again…now that would be a challenge!

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