The Unarguable Truths of Road Trips in the Company of Poor Kyle and Camille

In the two and a half years of our relationship, Poor Kyle and I have taken more road trips together than I can feasibly count. And since the new duty of “trailer fetcher” at the shop has fallen upon him, the number of our road trips together is increasing exponentially. Even as I type this on the stark white MacBook ™ my parents gave me for Christmas last year, we are trekking our way through the plains and grains of northern Nebraska.

We’ve nearly talked about everything there is to talk about (lasting an eternity together beyond this point will take a miracle [or a lot more birth control]), and consequently I’ve had a lot of quiet, contemplative time on my hands. Of course any time I have any time at all, I can’t seem to help but write a blog in my head. It gets annoying, but at least it’s something to do—I’d rather read my own words than some of those trashy tabloids they sell at the Flying J for two dollars apiece.

Here’s what I’ve decided while driving through Nebraska:

The Unarguable Truths of Road Trips in the Company of Poor Kyle and Camille
(in no particular order)

-I can be right in the middle of recounting a fascinating tale to Poor Kyle, but if he sees an interesting truck or trailer on the same road we’re traveling, he will—without fail—whip his head around and gawk as it rolls by, completely losing focus on my story. I have come to accept this as fact. Usually I react by continuing the story (in turn forcing Poor Kyle to pretend he’d been listening all along).

-If Poor Kyle is writing in his logbook, keeping track of mileage or even simply fiddling with the GPS, he will not listen to a word I say, should I attempt to snare his attention. It is physically impossible for him to multi-task. I’ve never seen it done; he has never done it.

-Poor Kyle is a faithful—faithful—keeper of the windshield:

Case in point.

-I have, on occasion, been known to suggest interesting topics of conversation on our road trips together. Rather, I consider them to be interesting topics of conversation. Poor Kyle, on the other hand, views this as “picking fights.” He may be correct in this assessment, but in my defense…he is lugging me all about the country in a baby-poop coloured Carhartt ™ hoodie. And he didn’t necessarily set out any ground rules ahead of time.

-Poor Kyle and I will never agree on what constitutes “good music.”

-Poor Kyle will always trust the GPS (he calls her “Tips”) more than he will trust me. Sometimes I hate that little British snob.

-There are nineteen white reflector poles in between each green mile marker on the highway (give or take a few on account of drunk drivers running them over). I can count miles with my eyes closed, shutting them right after seeing “MILE 258” flash by, and opening them precisely as we approach “MILE 259.” Sometimes I do this for so long that I cannot stop unless the vehicle does; it makes my head hurt.

About Camille

I’m Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello.

You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.

This entry was posted in introspection, Married Life, oh brother what next, Poor Kyle, thisandthat. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to The Unarguable Truths of Road Trips in the Company of Poor Kyle and Camille

  1. Anonymous says:

    He is his father’s son. Multi-tasking is NOT a guy thing. That is all I can say.

    Still LOL ing here…

    lrf

  2. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    i love “interesting topic/picking a fight” conversation. marriage would be boring without some healthy arguing now and then.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    You’ve piqued my interest; what “interesting topic/picking a fight” conversations have you and P.K. had? I’m sure with two such gifted minds the possibilities are endless…

    We sure do miss you. Little Man is so sad you aren’t here anymore…

  4. Anonymous says:

    that’s a funny post camille.
    i’m not much of a traveller, especially highway driving, you’re lucky to have kyle to count the markers with…i’d go batty. keep on truckin’

  5. Anonymous says:

    cool song camille, the tune out one. real road trippy. and the wandering one fit’s this post too. it’s always been a favorite of mine too. you have a varied and thoughtful sense of music. thank you for that. maybe “mile 259” could be your first single. could you imagine, camille, the highway troubadour. funny stuff.

  6. Spencer says:

    I too love the “picking fights” comment. Me and Spencer have the same problem. Anytime I bring up a topic, spencer will turn to me and say something like “I don’t want to fight right now” I usally say sometime back like “you NEVER want to fight”! anyways, I understand almost all that you said in that post…perhaphs spencer and kyle would be great friends that would understand eachothers corkyness!

  7. Anonymous says:

    That’s hilarious Camille, Kyle “trailerspotting” while you tell the story.I bet he’s pretending to pretend to hear, and actually heard everything.LOL
    Except when little miss “Tips” pipes up to tell him where to go.I’ll tell her where to go.hhaha.

    Loved that reference someone made earlier,keep on truckin’. I wonder if they still make those t shirts, or would i have to go to a 70’s vintage shop?

    What size t shirt do you wear again? just kidding.heheh

  8. Loralee Choate says:

    So, Poor Kyle is having an emotional affair with a GPS device?

    You have quite the first year of marriage on your hands.

    Hee.

  9. Geneva says:

    that mile marker timing is a truly enviable talent. I also laugh that surviving eternity with your husband will require lots of birth control

  10. Anonymous says:

    haha those GPS things always kind of creeped me out. not to bring back an old topic, but are you ever going to repost mayberry? sorry, i just randomly thought about that.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I’m terrified by GPS..never seen one, never heard one, what happened to maps?

    They have accents? Why?

    Somebody please make one you can put your own voice into, or your best friend, or your mom,… that would be cool, hear your mom giving directions. I’d pay for that. I love to hear my mom’s voice, wish i could hear it more often.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Hmmm…I agree with the above commenter. Somebody would make a lot of money if he or she made a GPS that could be programmed with someone else’s voice.

  13. Zach and Whitney says:

    Camille I love you. I love your blog and I think you Husband is really funny. I love the window movie. I was laughing so hard… OCD maybe? Just kidding

  14. jeff says:

    i liked the movie too.
    i was just amazed at how precisely he squeegeed the side window. i’ve never seen that,or done it.two swipes,top to bottom.enough for me.
    wow.

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