These self defeating lies you’ve been repeating

I was thinking of writing a book in February but I can’t decide if I should write it as myself (creative nonfiction sort of artsy type thing) or if I should try to contrive some sort of fantastic story, complete with narrator, characters, pathetic fallacy and everything.


What do you think?

I am, as a rule, not much of a fiction writer because in all honesty my imagination is basically crap. I don’t imagine much at all any more, haven’t for years really, and when I do it’s mostly about how soft my bed will feel when I get back into it 8 hours from now.

Anne of Green Gables would be so disappointed. My childhood self is disgusted.

But I can’t help it. When was the last time YOU imagined anything decent enough to write down? I bet it’s been a while. Between work, second work, housekeeping (if you could call it that), and church involvement (or sundry other demands on your time and mine), I am dedicating all the best parts of my brain power to the mere task of existing in this world. Imagination? Who has the time?

Steve Jobs is turning over in his fresh-dug grave.

So fiction is basically out. Which leaves creative nonfiction–stories about my life but with a little poetic license. Or in other words, a recipe for freaking disaster. Can you imagine the people I could potentially offend and estrange by writing something like that? I’ve already been written out of my parents’ will, so the only thing left for them to do is literally disown me, which I wouldn’t really put it past them to do. My marriage would be in shambles. My neighbors would egg my house. Nightly. My grandmothers would be crushed. I can’t write about my life, not the way I want to anyway, not the way that would sell books.

It’s a Catch 22: I have flies in my eyes but I can’t see them because I have flies in my eyes.

Of course, given my recent history of failure with this blog there is absolutely no chance I could accomplish such a feat as writing a book during the month of February, so whatever genre I pick really doesn’t matter.

And that kind of self defeating talk is exactly why I’m stuck here today, 25.5 years old with not a published page to speak of.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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7 Responses to These self defeating lies you’ve been repeating

  1. Geevz says:

    I think you should rewrite a fairytale. Then you have the basic plot and characters to give your imagination a start. That’s was always my plan at least.

    P.S. Can you move your comments back to the bottom of the post?

  2. Alaina says:

    I started writing a book…it’s fiction based on real life, but even that can be tough. It’s a tough decision to make!

  3. Calli says:

    Richard says to write a book about him being a super hero and he goes on to say “you (meaning me) can be my mistress that I save.” He wants to shoot lasers out of his fingers and toes. He also wants to be an avid snowmobiler that converts the snow mobile into a supersonic flying machine. Hope that gives you something to think about before your head hits your pillow. He says there is plenty more where that came from. Alot more in depth too.
    Ps he wants you to express how painful it would be to have lasers coming out of his fingers and toes!
    Good luck and happy writing, you know how to contact richard if you really want anymore ideas. ; ) he thinks he’s brilliant!

    come out of his fingers and toes.
    Richard has more ideas where that

  4. chelsie says:

    That is why I put two drops of geranium oil on a tissue and put it in my pillowcase. It is supposed to be a mood changer, you know to help will depressive thoughts and stress. I can’t fathom the idea of completing a thesis and getting a real job… I don’t know if I’ll ever succeed.

  5. Maureen says:

    Here’s the thing about nonfiction. The best writing is honest writing and in order to be completely honest when writing nonfiction you have to reveal things about yourself that you may not want people to know. I’m trying to write a nonfiction short story, and it would be really interesting if I could just say everything on my mind, but… I’m not sure I can. On the other hand, I have an “idea” for a fiction book but pretty much nothing else. Man, this is hard just thinking about it! Good luck.

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