Transformers 2: Less Than Meets the Eye

Optimus Prime

I just got back from seeing Transformers 2, which may as well be the same thing as me saying I just got back from getting all four wisdom teeth re-pulled.

Don’t spend the money.  Don’t even spend the free movie passes that Great Aunt Henrietta gave you for your birthday last year, even if they are about to expire and nothing else looks good to you—anything would be better.

It’s very rare occasion for me to dislike a movie.  I’m quite easy to please, really.  I’m not picky.  I like all kinds of movies—happy, sad, romance, mystery, scary, drama, whatev.  I liked Iron Man.  I like Spiderman.  I liked other action-packed flicks.  Shoot, I even liked the first Transformers.  But I did not like this one.

First of all, it’s rated PG in Canada (PG-13 in the United States, which I think is much more appropriate), but there were several parts where I actually felt a teensy bit uncomfortable because of crudeness.  I will warn you right now: if you see this movie, you will see a bum (and frontal) shot of a man in a thong.  So there you go.

Second, it was seriously lacking in dialogue.  After we left the theatre, I leaned over to Poor Kyle and said, “I’m pretty sure that out of that two-and-a-half-hour movie, the actual spoken lines could be summed up in ten minutes.”  He agreed, and not just because he was hoping for a little some’n some’n later tonight.  I know, I know, it was an action movie.  But would it kill them to write words, too?

Third, about that action (no, not Poor Kyle’s—the movie’s!):  There was a lot of it.  And those transformers, they come with all kinds of tiny mechanised pieces, and it was really hard for me to keep track of who was transforming into what while simultaneaously pummeling which transformer (who was also morphing at the same time).  Nearly every scene, from beginning to end, consisted of something being blown or crushed to bits and pieces.  After an hour, I was looking at the clock on my phone and thinking, “Is this seriously not even halfway over yet?”

Its only redeeming qualities were Dwight Schrute (brief role, though, folks—don’t get too excited) and the one soldier with alarmingly white teeth:

Tyrese GibsonThose brilliant white teeth of his were amazing to watch.  Image from here.

Since the movie was so overly filled with ridiculously booming action that made no sense to me, I was, of course, tremendously bored.  I kept myself occupied by trying to figure out why I recognised this actor:

Josh DuhamelImage from here.

I’m ashamed to admit that it took me almost ten minutes to figure out it was Tad Hamilton.  What kind of person forgets the main actor from such a profoundly life-changing movie?  Not only do I quote Win a Date With Tad Hamilton on a near-daily basis, but I actually incorporate those lines into my normal life.  “Similes!  Bring me similes!”

The best part of me leaving the house to see the movie was that I got to see a trailer for the next Harry Potter, and I just pretended I was watching that for the duration of Transformers, instead of the reality.

My Vote: All Thumbs Down.

Did you see it?  Am I right in my assessment, or did you like it?  If so…what am I missing?

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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14 Responses to Transformers 2: Less Than Meets the Eye

  1. Alyssa says:

    I have yet to see it, but everyone I know that has seen it says it was awesome. Then again, we have a huge IMAX theater right near by and everything is awesome in IMAX.

  2. D'Rae says:

    I saw it and I liked it ok. I mean, it was a bit face paced and a lot of action and a bit more crude than the last one, but it was ok. My favorite part was when the litle toy truck decepticon found out he could change sides. Well, I only liked the fact that he was all like “I didn’t know we could change sides. I don’t want to be a decepticon.” The whole leg thing could have not happened. Anyways, I still like the first one way better, but this one was ok.

  3. Jenn says:

    “All thumbs down?” How many thumbs do you have? Or do you mean yours and Poor Kyle’s thumbs?

    I want to see Away We Go. I heard it’s really good.

  4. Maureen says:

    I was bored during the first Transformers movie, so I assume I’d probably be even more bored with this one. I think I’ll go see Harry Potter instead. Yayyy!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Why did you stay if it was so awful?

  6. Sheena says:

    I have to agree with you on the movie not being appropriate for the rating ! There were a lot of unnecessary words, and actions. Although overall I thought the movie was okay. I did like the first one more though.

  7. Sarah says:

    oh anonymous, in answer to your questions since I saw it too and felt the same way… 1) the first one was good 2) thought it would get better 3) sitting it out for the hubby b/c he wanted to see it so bad.
    Camille, didn’t like it a bit either for all the same reasons. There was definitely too much sexual content. My husband liked it though… hopefully I can convince him NOT to buy it

  8. John saw it even though I had wanted to since I liked the first one too. He liked the second one, but I will now wait for video before spending triple that on a movie ticket. Thanks for the heads up!

  9. shalynna says:

    Haven’t seen it yet, but thank you for warning me. I am not really interested in seeing it anyway. I watched the first one a couple weeks ago. The only thing I liked about it was the actual transforming. For some reason I love watching that. But, the acting, action, plot, everything was annoying to me.

  10. anna says:

    I am not into action movies but my husband wanted to go see that last weekend. Everyone has told him it’s great, better than the first. I have heard mixed reviews, so maybe this will be one to rent or he can find an action-movie guy to go watch it with him.

  11. raygon says:

    I will probably skip the movie. And I dont even know who Tad Hamilton is.

  12. Jeff says:

    I’ll be the first to confess that I was a little disappointed in this movie. I think it was because I was expecting something completely different. It was definitely too frantic for the first half. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I actually did like it a bit. Top ten material? Not even close. But I can’t say that it was as bad as getting four wisdom teeth pulled. Granted that’s a matter of opinion. My biggest complaint about the show would have to be the excessive and unnecessary sexual content/innuendos (just as an aside, did I not detect a couple of innuendos in this post??). So ya, I liked the movie a bit, and it’s not a show for the youngins IMHO.

  13. kristy says:

    I personally don’t like those movies where there are no words and all actions. LAME! If you want to see the best movie ever and that will be making you laugh CONSTANTLY you HAVE to go see the proposal, funniest movie ever. I went and saw it twice in two days and I had tears in my eyes both times.

  14. ann marie says:

    Camille…
    This post was too nice. Seriously.. humping dogs and robots.. A mom that eats pot brownies? Did a 12 year old write the whole script? ? There were guys yelling out in the opening scene with Megan fox sprawled on the bike, and I knew it was going to be a LONG and TORCHEROUS movie. I was so confused at all of the transformer action.. I wasn’t even sure who was who.. and what was going on. It was just a bunch of machine noise.
    I would LOVE to ask the writer why Megan Fox and the college roommate were along for the whole story… They didn’t help.. in fact.. they were in the way… Why.. oh why???
    I say: WORST movie I have seen this summer for sure.

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