We All Got Boogers.

So it’s right freezing in our house, because…well…we live in Canada.  It’s really cold inside, but I refuse to turn on the heater before October (November would be ideal, but, well…we live in Canada) in what is officially the most ridiculous moral stand ever known to Earth.  It’s like people in Arizona who won’t turn on the A/C before May—I’ve always thought that was so ridiculous because what would the Pioneers think?  We’re shunning all this amazing technology—we have the power to be cool when it’s sweltering outside, and we ignore it?  I bet the pioneers would give their best oxen for a good ol’ blast of A/C.

But anyway, I can mock the air conditioning moralists all I want, but now I’m one of them.

As I type this with my shivering fingers, it is 60 degrees in our house.  I’ve given myself a cold.  I wake up every morning with a stuffier nose than the day before, and it’s especially bad because they aren’t even the good, dry, ultra-pickable boogers—they’re wet and slimy and my fingernails can’t get a grip on them no matter which angle I try.  Of course, they won’t come out by blowing, either—I ruptured my left eardrum trying.  That was painful.

I’m not shy about picking my nose.  When I was dating Poor Kyle, after we had already come to terms with farting (ugly word!) in front of each other, we had a conversation about nose-picking.  It went something like this:

Me: I have a booger that I need to pick.  Do you mind?

Kyle: Really?

Me: Yes, really.

Kyle: But isn’t that…like…not allowed?

Me: Well, my parents told me not to when I was a little kid, if that’s what you mean.  But I’ve been breaking that rule for years now.  I mean, it’s not like I pick them and EAT them—I stopped doing that after Kindergarten.  And I don’t normally do it in front of people, but I figure we’ve already seen each other at our worst, and this one booger is really annoying…

Kyle: Oh.  Okay.  Yeah, that’s all right with me.

Me: Don’t you pick your nose?

Kyle: Yeah, but…I didn’t think you were a nose-picker.  It’s not very…ladylike.

Me: Well, you can date someone else if you want.  I mean, if this is gonna be a deal-breaker, you better tell me now.  But I’ll be a die-hard nose picker til the day I…die.  If I had to choose between you and the boogers, I’d pick the boogers.

Kyle: That is the most amazingly romantic sentiment a woman has ever told me.  I have never felt so loved in all my life.  MARRY ME!

(Okay, not really about that last bit—in fact, it’s a miracle we’re still together at all, with the way I was slash am.)

Camille and Poor Kyle.He looked thrilled to be with me, don’t you think?  It’s because he knew I was a real catch.

But the point of all this is that I’m not—and never have been—shy about my boogers.  Everybody has boogers.  Everybody picks them.  It’s a worldwide favourite pastimes.  If there is one element of humanity that is a cross-continental constant, regardless of race, gender, poverty, or wealth…it’s boogers.  The village people in the South Pacific have boogers just the same as elitist socialites on Fifth Avenue in New York City.

We all have boogers.  And we all pick them.

Anyway, the point of all this is to say that it’s cold in my house, and I’m in a bad way.

And how is your Monday looking?

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
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11 Responses to We All Got Boogers.

  1. Jordan says:

    I love boogers, too! Luckily my husband is the ultimate nose picker so he has no problem with me picking :) I just have to be careful not to get too comfy picking my nose and forget that I’m in public…

  2. Katie says:

    Oh, man. You crack me up.

  3. kat says:

    I don’t know whatchu talkin’ bout. I don’t got no boogers.

  4. Joel says:

    Um, we keep our house HEATED to 60 degrees in the wintertime.

    Guess we’re cheap.

    Put on some more clothes is my advice.

    And now my boogers are bothering me, when they were just fine there 5 minutes ago. Thanks for that.

  5. Whitney says:

    We dont turn on our heater the whole winter. But I live in AZ. It has gotten to be like 50 degrees in my house though. This year will be different. Miss P might freeze if I dont. Good luck with the boogers.

  6. RatalieNose says:

    Sad sad day!
    My Monday was…well a Monday.
    Combine that with the fact that I had to makeup work for almost an entire week of missed school and you get….alot of cuss words.

  7. mameelynn says:

    So funny!!! My parents also told me that it was gross to pick my nose but for some reason my dad felt that it was not so gross in the car…. So in my family the car was the safe zone for picking your nose…. To this day that is were my dad feels free to mine for booger gold….but now I realize that just because I’m in the car alone doesn’t mean I’m invisible to the world so I tend to do my picking in the comfort of my own home… unless that sucker is a real pain… then pretty much anywhere is fair game!

  8. Rachel says:

    hee hee. Unfortunately we’ve had plenty of boogers of all varities around my house lately. And it’s way warmer than 60 down here in Florida. I spent more time picking my girls’ noses than my own though. They’re not as proficient with the tissues. Still, some of those things? MASSIVE. Very satisfying.

  9. TeamHaynes says:

    I’m sorry you’re freezing. I’m just waiting for something to even make me shiver. Isn’t it supposed to be cold here? I mean that’s what everyone told us…!!! Just you wait.
    On a side note I’m glad you got the booger thing out of the way early because it makes things feel freer. For some reason these nastier posts are so intriguing to me. I’m sick I tell you.

  10. Anonymous says:

    It’s just such a satisfying feeling…

  11. Carmen says:

    How cold is 60? That seems a little hot to me? :)
    I guess we can’t let you around our daughter anymore. No more kyak rides with her if you are going to let on that its okay to pick your nose. Its the very thing that we are trying to get her to refrain from and she does very well at not doing it too. So please don’t wreck a good thing we have going.
    But yes I do agree. (Oops don’t let Jaycie know that.) Everyone has them, it feels great to get them out and breathe free although I usually try to blow them out before I resort to picking them.

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