Weight Loss for Dummies

A lot of people have been commenting on how well I must be doing with my weight-loss plan, since I never feel like swallowing food whole eating anymore.

And guess what? They’re right. I weighed 151 when I went in for surgery, and today, after four days of subsisting almost wholly on apple sauce, yoghurt, chicken broth, and banana smoothies, I’ve lost three more pounds, bringing my weight down to 148.

The lightest I’ve been in my adult life was 149. My goal for June 20th is 140 (my goal was to lose 25 pounds in six months, starting at Christmastime when I weighed 165).

[By the way, are you glad I told you my weight?  I’ve been thinking about doing it for a long time, so as to have some sort of accountability for my weight-loss plan, but I’ve always been too chicken before now.  For some reason, though, I don’t really care anymore—I’m happy with my successes, and I’m motivated to keep working; the whole wide world could know about it, and it wouldn’t change my weight, so why not just be up-front about it?  Yes, I weigh 148.  Yes, it was just a few months ago that I weighed 165.  Yes, I gained 15 pounds after getting married.  It’s in the past.  And at the end of the day, it’s just weight. Y’know?  That was refreshing.]

Today when I got out of bed at—oh, noon—I decided I felt well enough to get dressed (miracle!) and run some errands here in Mayberry.  But, in searching about for something to wear, I realised my only pair of *fitting* jeans were in the washing machine.  Curses.  I couldn’t walk down Main Street completely naked {though according to my list, I would’ve rather done that than had my wisdom teeth out}, so I started pilfering through my closet to see if anything else would do…

…and that’s when I saw them.  My skinny jeans.  No, not those kind of skinny jeans…

skinnyjeans…I could never pull those off…

…But the “bought during a rare time of slim-ness and are practically in mint condition from lack of wear because that slim-ness lasted only a few months” kind of skinny jeans.  The “I’ll still let them hang in the closet even though they’re getting dusty, because you never know kind of skinny jeans.  The “oh yeah, I forgot I had those, even though I see them every clothed day of my life” kind of skinny jeans.  In other words, I haven’t worn them in years.

And guess what?  They zip up!

zipped-up skinny jeans

Unfortunately, they’re atrocious.  I don’t know what compelled me to purchase such a light-coloured denim.  They’re practically sandblasted.  Horrors.

Even more unfortunately is that I still have a muffin top when I wear them.

Muffin TopIt’s undeniable.

They aren’t really “workable” unless I wear a baggy sort of hoodie with them (which I’m not above doing, don’t worry).  At any rate, they’ll do, but I’m nevertheless still annoyed with the question of why these jeans give me a muffin top, when I’m supposedly at the skinniest weight of my life.  It’s a mystery.  I’ve thought it over, though, and decided there are three possible reasons for the muffin top:

1.  The jeans never fit properly from the beginning.

2.  The jeans have shriveled up whilst hanging, unused, for over three years, or

3.  All my weight loss has been in my face.

Fat Face

Which is very likely, don’tcha think?

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in change, It's All Good, woe is me and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Weight Loss for Dummies

  1. You are so cute! Argh. I want to be you! :-)

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  3. niki says:

    ooh, wow! how exciting! i feel so thrilled for you.

    i definitely DO NOT see the muffin top.

    i just see a flat stomach with beautiful womanly curves.

    you go girl!

  4. The pictures of you with your head wrap thing make me sad inside!

  5. And oh yeah, congrats on fitting into those jeans (even if theyre ugly and stupid)
    It was so sad, the other day I wanted to wear my “fancy jeans” (I have to pair) and NEITHER OF THEM WOULD BUTTON!
    Camille I almost cried.
    So be happy that yours button.

  6. anonymous says:

    I’m so happy for you! Maybe we should have a weight loss club. The two of us. How funny that we’re just about the same weight. You still look better than me, though. Oh well.

  7. Cristin says:

    I have muffin top too so I was considering wearing a girdle. That’s right, I would rather wear a girdle than give up my skinny jeans.

  8. Camille says:

    Emily Merkley– You want to have oral surgery and a muffin top and a fat face and eat your food by blender? You don’t want to be me. But thanks anyway.

    niki– Always so sweet and nice.

    everybodynose– Think how they make ME feel! : ) I’m so sorry about your fancy pants not buttoning. I went through three years of mine not closing, so I know how you feel.

    anonymous my sister– I think that sounds good! Let’s start it up.

    Cristin– Where does one even get a girdle these days? Do I need one? I’m so impressionable.

  9. Chloe says:

    I’m so happy for you! I should lose weight too… Now you have inspired me! :)

    Chloe
    http://chloe86.wordpress.com

  10. Katie says:

    I had an intimate moment with my skinny jeans yesterday. It was quite sad. I miss them. Congrats to you on being able to spend time with yours again!

  11. colepack says:

    muffin top, i love it.

  12. Whitney says:

    You look great. I wish you wouldnt be so hard on yourself. I hope one day I can fit into my skinny jeans again. I hope one day this baby comes out of me. You face doesnt look that swollen. keep those ice packs on them.

  13. Whitney says:

    *them*. Last time I checked you only had one face. I apologize. * It* is what I would like it insert there.

  14. Geneva says:

    Dude, I’m super way jealous of your poundage. I don’t know why, but I think my muscle ratio increases in direct proportion to my fat loss. I get thinner (sometimes), but the scale doesn’t move. And I don’t think that I’ve been below 150 since, oh, sixth grade. Well done Camille. I’m trying very hard not to be angry bitter at your success.

  15. Jami says:

    well you look great! I am so proud of you for losing the weight! It is hard work. There is nothing better than being able to put on a pair of old skinny jeans! AND I am love handles too. I am sure there is a pound on each side of my body in pure love handleness. But hey, you are beautiful…I have always thought so, and I WILL continue to think that. AND you are very skinny. I can’t wait to see you in person!

  16. HeatherPride says:

    Whatev, Camille. That’s no muffin top. Look at how you had to stretch your shirt over your tum to even reveal those tiny little lumps. I think it’s your posture. Stand up straight, they’ll go away. Do I sound enough like your mother yet?

  17. Christal says:

    you are amazing and come up with the best posts ever!! love it!! and whatever to the muffin top too you are the furthest thing from!! have a great day!

  18. Lauren says:

    Yay for skinny jeans! You are such a babe! I need to motivate myself to lose weight. I have been sad about it.

  19. It’s the jeans. You don’t actually have the muffin top. It’s the jeans. Get rid of them and you get rid of the muffin top. Seriously!

  20. anna says:

    Now you just need to find a reason to be depressed to lose more weight. I lost a bunch of weight when I got my wisdom teeth out and then got depressed and never gained it back. Well, until I became un-depressed. :)

  21. GellaRosten says:

    It’s not possible to lose weight for some people…

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