Well, I feel stupid.

Apparently my Project: Proxy idea is lame.

Ouch, that hurt.

As soon as I posted it, I immediately put my day’s plans on pause so I could sit in front of my computer and read the hilarious ideas that I was so sure would come.  I just knew that people would be excited to have me as their proxy.  I was convinced I would be inundated with emails from people begging me to choose their idea first.  I was going to cancel all my plans for the entire day just to stay on top of all the emails I was so sure would come.

Yeah.  That’s what I did.

Until I realised that…uh…it wasn’t happening.

Of the four commenters who were interested in my cause…

-One said she’d have to think of something good and get back to me…

-and the other three suggested variations of the ideas I’d already come up with for myself (although, admittedly, Jacque’s ShakeWeight suggestion was something I had never heard of, and I sort of do want to try it).

(I mean, it does kind of look awesome.  You must admit.  Really, you must.)

But back to the depressing stats: four comments expressing interest.  Four people out of the several hundred who read my blog yesterday.  That’s like, a negative percentage (or something—meh, I hate math {which is too bad, because maybe if I liked math, I could have figured out the equation that Proxy+Camille=bad idea; as it is, I just scored a giant red F in social algebra}).

Which means that I am lame, because I thought Project: Proxy was awesome, and people who think lame things are awesome are themselves lame by default.  (My apologies to the four kind commenters, but this does mean that you all are lame, too.  Sucks to be us, doesn’t it?) Which means I must now mourn my lost identity of perceived awesomeness.  I must lick my wounds.  I must hide under the Rock of Not Posting until I can make believe that everybody has forgotten my unfortunate (and oh-so public) misdeed.

*Please, everybody: just forget that last post ever happened.*

That’s the worst thing about online-ity, you know?  The extreme permanence of it all. Oh, sure, I could try to take a step back in time, back to the moment where I thought that Project: Proxy was a good idea, and then retreat just one moment before that, to the pivotal pause where I thought to myself, “Is that a good idea?  Or is it just lame?”  And I could try very hard to pretend that I made the right choice at that crossroad, instead of the very obvious wrong choice I did, in fact, make.  I could delete the post and pretend it never happened…

…but that’s almost even worse.  That’s denial right there.  Because I know that you know that it did happen; I did make a fool of myself, all the while thinking I was the awesomest thing since awesome even became a word.

To delete the post would be like putting heavy makeup on a crusty, dried-out pimple after popping it in hopes that it would disappear: it never really does disappear, and it only makes everybody who sees it feel more sorry for the miserable soul who’s trying so desperately to cover up the horror of it all.

I will own my scabby pimple post.

But as a sign of my mourning, I’m taking an e-vow of silence until my scab heals up and falls off on its own; blogging again so soon after such a devastating zit-eruption would be like picking and picking at the scab until my blog becomes nothing more than a bloody, oozy crater—a pock mark of its former glory.

I think I owe myself some time to heal.

Don’t you?

Don’t answer that.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in blogger finger, failures, fiascos, mediocrity, oh brother what next, Project: Proxy, sad things, what a nightmare, woe is me and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Well, I feel stupid.

  1. Ros says:

    Oh. Don’t feel too bad. I though Project Proxy was an awesome idea. I only saw it this morning :( Hopefully after your post more people will decide that it was in fact a good idea, feel guilty for not commenting, and immediately flood this post with comments!

  2. Aw, should we call you PC for Poor Camille? :)

    People probably didn’t comment, like me, because they thought, “That’s a great idea, I’ll have to think about something for her to do and THEN I’ll comment or email.”

    Chin up and come back to blogging land. Have you read the book You are Special? Comments can be like the gold stars they put on each other…

  3. Maureen says:

    I agree with Shalynna. People are probably just thinking about it. It takes more than a day to come up with that kind of stuff, you know.

  4. katy says:

    NOooooooooo! YOU HAVE TO DO IT! You even made a banner thingy! I needed a day to come up with something too! Now I’m so sad that I’m not going to tell you what I want you to do for me!

    In fact, if you don’t do this, I’LL STEAL YOUR BIT for my blog ;)

    This is such a great idea and lots of fun and you should do it, for real!

    I think you need to do the Shake Weight, make some video though and be careful of the positioning. Also, I liked that all of the ideas were pretty much low or no cost!

    DOOOOOOOO IT! Please! As you do them, more people will come up with stuff for you to do. Do you know what I would give for FOUR comments on a blog post. Don’t be all diva on us Camille! We LOVE YOU!

  5. Julie P. says:

    Camille, I’ve been reading your blog for a good while. Lurking about is my thing, girl! (I’ll even admit this to you: I spent the better part of a whole afternoon going through all your different tags and reading (and cracking up at) all your old posts. AND I’ve read the “no poo movement” at least five times to try to get the courage to do it too. I’m too chicken to do so though. So I decided to instead buy a sulfate-free shampoo. Hey, it’s a start, right?)

    But I have to agree with the other commenters, project proxy sounds awesome! If I wasnt’ such a lurker I would have commented on an idea, but… ummm.. I don’t have any ideas. SO… we are at a stalemate. I promise if I think of something I will let you know :)

  6. Cristin Lassen says:

    It sounds like to me that you are only interested in Project Proxy if it is things YOU want to do. I thought the point was that people would give you ideas and you would do stuff you normally wouldn’t do. Maybe if you said you would do illegal things, you would get more ideas. (C’mon, GALLON CHALLENGE!!!!)

  7. I think the idea is great. I’m not sure how you can get people to give you suggestions (I am struggling with people just picking from a list). Sometimes people don’t want to commit, or they need an example set first.

    Something else you could do is have some doll or something that would do those crazy things. Video-tape and post it. That may just get those creative juices flowing and people will be coming in droves to suggest what it will do next.

  8. niki says:

    ok proxy camille…i just saw that post and i have something for you to do….muahahaha…

    i’ve been so curious as to what breast milk tastes like but i’ve been too scared to try it. i hear it is just packed full of nutrients so at least you have that going for you…

    can’t wait to hear all about it.

    thanks in advance.

    yours truly,

  9. anna says:

    I just read both of these posts together… Don’t give up on PP, because just think, one crazy suggestion will get lots of attention: i.e. doing something drastic at someone else’s request. It’s too late for me to come up with an idea, but when I do, I’ll let you know.

  10. Rachel says:

    Haha, I LOVE some of the suggestions that have already come in. You have to do this.
    I am going to go away and thing of something…

    Btw I haven’t been to Ireland but J has loves it. He wants to take me some time, and I’m sure he would recommend you visit.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Oh, get over yourself already. Yes, it was kind of a lame idea. No need to lick your wounds and pout. And now that you’ve drawn so much attention to it, people are going to give you pity Project: Proxies. It’s like that girl in 6th who says no one likes me and no one really does but everyone tries to make her feel liked but she’s still annoying. So, get over it, quit making a big deal, stop trying to find earth-shattering things to write about, and just freaking write. That’s why people love your blog. Your writing is awesome, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and start writing. Sheesh! If I were there in the land of abysmally cold I’d give you a slap on the back of your head.

    (By the way, the zit-picking-gushing-oozing imagery in this post was nauseating. I won’t forget it soon. And I mean that as a compliment.)

  12. Kelly says:

    Don’t feel stupid or lame… I was trying to think of some ideas for you, but apparently I was not thinking quick enough.

  13. Molly says:

    didnt get a chance to read the original post yet… oops.

  14. RatalieNose says:

    Just saw your first post today. Love your idea. Yes I’m lame. Sue me.
    I want you to…….
    Fill a kids wading pool full of red jello.
    Then jump in it.
    Jessica and I have ALWAYS wanted to do that!!!!

  15. Carmen says:

    Well you just certainly didn’t give me enough time to reply. I read the post and didn’t have anything creative at the time, so I didn’t post an idea, although I quite liked the idea of you cutting your hair short. I have never seen you with short hair and think it would be a big change, although I do quite like you with long hair, always so beautiful always so perfect. I’m jealous really, I had long hair for 18 years of my life and it never looked as good as yours. Mine was always so think and lifeless. Anyways, back to the matter at hand, I think you should reinstate it and give me and maybe a few others to have a day or so to think and reply.

  16. TeamHaynes says:

    Not so fast sister! I’m gearing up my brain for a good one. Just give me a week or two. The cold medicine really makes me fly. I wouldn’t be embarrassed, I’m sure you will be soon now that people are challenged with coming up with something gooood. I’m rubbing my hands together in this one!

  17. Patty says:

    Well, I just discovered your blog and I would like to make a Project: Proxy request. I don’t know if you would have time for this, as it might require a decent time commitment, but here goes: I have always wanted to try out for a play, like at a community theater or something. You game?

    I do like the jello-filled pool idea, though. I would actually love to do this for my kids, so if you could do it first and let us know how much jello it would actually take to fill a pool, that would be great!

  18. Zella says:

    I have always, always, wanted to go to a sushi restaurant and order all the weird, exotic things off the menu. What’s that yellow blob? Let’s order it! What’s the pink and brown thing like looks like moldy catfood? I don’t know, but I’m eating it!

    I have friends like absolutely love stuff like sea urchin and fish gut. In California we get really fresh, really great sushi options here– but I’m still too scared to eat it.

    Will you be my proxy?

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