You Can Take My Wisdom Teeth, But You Can’t Take My Spirit.

My wisdom teeth removal went…as well as could be expected.  I’m alive, anyway.  That’s good.  Poor Kyle’s been a darling.

The Run-Down:

Woke up 6 a.m..  Showered.

Hair Braided for Surgery

Dried hair; braided (most conducive style for laying on one’s deathbed).  Arrived 7:30.  Surgeried 8:15.  Home by 9:30.  Only given prescription for IBUPROFEN (had been totally for Vicoden, so I could say crazy things on blog).  Vegged.  I’m not in a ton of pain (knock on wood), but one thing I’ve noticed is that my wrists feel really weak—can’t quite support my hands.  Is that normal?  Anyway, more details of the day to come.  Later.

I was super incoherent when I first came to, and I’m sure it would have been hilarious for me to have answered the questions then and there (as per the plan), but I wasn’t counting on not being able to talk on account of gauze, blood, mucous, and a dry, dry mouth/throat.  Sorry.

Wisdom Teeth Removal

I tried to be funny with my answers anyway.  (I try really hard, actually.)

Deathbed Questions

1. How did you know PK was the one?
Lucky guess.

2. What made you decide to change your major to English?
Purely mercenary. Figured I could make more money writing than working in a (basically nonexistent, up here) museum. I miss Art History dreadfully, though.

3. Which is better–Heroes or 24?
24, simply because it’s the one I’ve kept up with best. When Heroes goes off the air, though, I fully intend to watch every season of it on DVD as quickly as possible.

4. Did you ever cut your sister’s hair while she was sleeping? Tell the truth!!!
YOU’RE ABSURD. I NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING. I don’t know how that happened.

5. What will you write your first (published) book about?
A little girl whose name starts with D, and her sister A, and their exploits in the desert. It’s all in the works.

6. Is married life really worth it?
Totally overrated. Steer clear.  But when it comes to having surgery, it’s nice to have a friendly face there when you wake up.  I’m just sayin’.

7. Was taking a year off of school as nice as it sounds?
It was the most peaceful, relaxed year of my life (not working and being child-less may have contributed to that). I’m glad I can say, with full surety, that I enjoyed it to its fullest (while it lasted). And I mourned the loss of that year when it was over. I’m still mourning it.

8. Why is ASU horrid in your mind (I have my own reasons)?
Those bastards. The higher-ups at ASU are totally driven by money. They view the students as nothing more than sheep—herd ’em in, herd ’em out. The bureaucracy and general “red tape-ness” of it makes me ill, and not just because I had surgery today. It was nice of them to give me a scholarship, but losing it was probably the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

9. When did you know we were going to be best friends?  (This from Chelise.)
When you made me that pillow for my stand in band.  When we sang “Hey, Nunny Nunny” for hours at our hotel during the Disneyland Band Trip of 2003.  When we ditched school to go buy fabric for my cloak so I could look amazing at LOTR, and then ditched more to go eat at Matta’s (RIP, Matta’s).

10. Are you over me calling you green with envy? (Again, from Chelsie.)
I will always love you, but I will never get over that.

11. I would like to know why you got married at such a young age (I’m not American, I’m Dutch, so maybe it has to do with the cultural difference that I don’t seem to get it). So many people fall in love with different persons during their twenties (and later on in their lives). If I would have married my first or second (or third) boyfriend I would be divorced right now…
Hello Dutch Friend!  I am a huge fan of your country!  This question deserves an entire post, and it will get one soon.  Super-short version: I always swore I’d never get married before 25.  I got married at 21.  I think it is partly American and partly Mormon culture.  I’ll explain it all another time.  But Poor Kyle wasn’t my second or third boyfriend—he was my fifth.  I always swore I would never marry the first/only guy I ever dated—at least in that, I stuck to my guns.  :  )

12. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?
Gotten my wisdom teeth removed when they were perfectly fine where they were.

13. How far did you get in the backward count after the needle?
He didn’t ask me to count.  I was crying, and he just kept talking to me, and finally he said, “Are you starting to feel it?  I can tell by your crazy cross-eyes that you are.”  I started laughing, and that was it.

14.  Are you all whiney right now?
Would I be me if I wasn’t whining?

15. What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done?
Ummm…   That’s a hard one; I do so few smart things in my life…  I’d say it’s a toss-up between “lived in Europe before getting married,” and “came home from Europe to marry Poor Kyle.”

16. Are you going to milk this for all it’s worth? (as if that one’s not rhetorical).
Rhetorical is right—you bet I am.

17. When the drugs wear off, are you going to heave at the taste of blood?
Am I going to?  No.  Am I already doing it?  Yes.  It’s nasty.

18. Or have you already done so?
Ha!  See above.

19. Has PK laughed at, oops, with you yet?
As a matter of fact, he has.  On our drive home, he asked how I was feeling and I said, “I whunna hughfld uh mwhoonie.” I was trying to say “I wanna hock a loogie,” or in other words, “There seems to be a buildup of phlegm at the back of my throat that will neither come up nor go down, and it is causing me minor discomfort.”  I sounded so ridiculous that even I was laughing at myself, but Poor Kyle couldn’t tell if I was laughing or sobbing.  To his credit, he only started laughing once he was sure I was laughing, and not, in fact, bawling.  The loogie’s still there—I’m forbidden to spit for two months.

20. Did you leave the place on your own two feet?
How do you mean?  I got into the wheelchair with my own two feet, and left the wheelchair for the truck with my own two feet.

21. What’s the first thing you intend to ingest? Or already did?
Drugs.  Water.  1 cup of apple sauce.

22. What colour was the horse that kicked you in the face? J/k.
Ummm…huh?

23. If you’re dead, does your mouth still hurt?
Yes.

24. Who gets your MacBook?
Poor Kyle, but only until he buys his own (which might happen sooner than later).  After that, he can donate it to charity.  Or give it to my sister.  Everyone else I know already has a laptop.

25. You’re not really giving your RED Kitchenaid to your MIL, are you? Hint.
Actually it’s black, and it WOULD be a toss-up between you and my MIL (although she doesn’t like Kitchenaids™—she’s a Bosch person), but my sister was the one who bought it for me, and her own is like 50 years old, so she should probably get mine as an upgrade.  Seems fair.  Sorry!

26. Can you see the vultures swarming?
No, why?  Can you?

27. Have any pretty young things come to the door to console PK, oops, You yet?
No, but if they do I’ll spit mucous-y blood on them—oh, I am not allowed to spit.  I’ll throw my bloody tissues in their faces, then.  I hate them.

28. What inspirational thought have you learned thus far from the MAJOR surgery?
I would be so embarrassed to die from getting my wisdom teeth out—I’ve learned that I want to die nobly, for a cause, and not lying on a stinking table with my mouth pried open.

29. Would you rather have stuck a needle and/or scalpels and various other devices in your eye?
If the recovery time was shorter and allowed me to spit afterwards?  Yes.

30. What do you want to be when you grow up? That is, of course, assuming you’ll live through this and actually have the opportunity to grow up.
A paid, professional blogger.

31. Who to you hate most in your life?
Satan.  He sucks.

32. Who is your favorite person?
Jesus, by the same token.  And Poor Kyle.

33.  Who is your all time favorite blogger and why?
You.

34. How old were you when you got your period?
12 or 13.  I hated womanhood then, and I hate it now.

35. What size of bra do you wear?
Ask Victoria.  No, really.  I haven’t been fitted for a bra since around my wedding, and I’ve since gained and lost some weight.  Last I checked I was in the 30s (heh.) and my cup size rhymed with “Z.”

36. Do you REALLY hate Walmart?
I REALLY do.  Passionately.  Haven’t returned since October, and I never will.

37. What is your favorite “position?”
I can’t imagine what you mean.  Right now, I’m sitting up with my head elevated.  :  )

38. I want to know why you chose to be affiliated with your chosen political party.
Obama’s dashing.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in ask me anything, blogger finger, oh brother what next, woe is me. Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to You Can Take My Wisdom Teeth, But You Can’t Take My Spirit.

  1. HeatherPride says:

    Well, let me be the first to congratulate you on your survival!!! Glad to see you made it out without going into the light, Camille.

  2. HeatherPride says:

    Camille, you’re so silly! Jen’s a lover, not a hater. Besides, who could ever hate you? Even missing a bunch of teeth, you’re still adorable.

  3. Kimberly says:

    I feel for ya Camille, I really do! I checked the blog earlier today to see if you had an update, cause I was thinking of ya as you were under the knife. Sorry, bad thought. Hang in there, and don’t forget to keep eating with the drugs :-)

  4. DeAnna says:

    That is a great list!! Glad to hear everything went so well. Hopefully you don’t poof up too much in the next few days. I still remember my wisdom teeth being removed, two at a time due to insurance. The first two left me looking like a boxer with lovely black and blue cheeks. I don’t really remember the 2nd two, they were taken out while I was in college/working & I was so busy right before and after that it’s all a blur in my memory. Take care and enjoy being taken care of!

  5. Joel says:

    24 sucks! It is SO STUPID!! I just couldn’t take it anymore and axed it from my too-swamped-anyways schedule. Heroes, however, will remain!

    And Obama sucks, too. :)

    Glad you survived and were committed enough to post tonight. Too bad about the lack of real drugs, though. Maybe you have to have an organ removed or something before they give you the good stuff. Stingy bastards…

  6. niki says:

    i KNEW i was your favorite blogger;)

  7. EverybodyNose says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!
    THIS WAS AMAZING!
    Kinda makes me want to get surgery so I can do it!
    What’s the time difference between Canada and Mesa?
    It’s always trippin’ me out.

  8. jethro says:

    Your best work in Comedy yet.
    I lol’d my a$$ off.

    God speed.

  9. Camille says:

    HeatherPride– Thanks, and thanks. I appreciate it.

    Kimberly– That’s so sweet of you! Thanks!

    DeAnna– Thanks, I will. Poor Kyle’s doing swell in that arena.

    Joel– If you’re too busy, you’re too busy. Let’s not let this get in the way of our friendship. : ) (Jack Bauer is the best patriot I know. Second to Obama.) : ), again.

    niki– Well of COURSE!!!

    EverybodyNose– Oh, I’m so glad you liked it. Your questions were good. Trust me, though, surgery is SO not worth it. If I had it to do over again…I WOULDN’T. Canada is 1 hour ahead of AZ. The time of my blog is out of whack, though. PK’s trying to fix it.

    Jethro– Thanks! Couldn’t have done it without your questions!

  10. Whitney says:

    YOURE ALIVE!! I knew you would make it through the surgery. Your surgery story sounds a lot like mine. When I was laying in the chair and they were trying to put the IV in My blood pressure was so high they had to wait for me to calm down. And then when it was all over apparently I just layed there and cried until my mom came and got me( I was alittle out of it). The funny thing is I couldnt even feel that I was crying. Im so glad you are okay. I only had to take Ibuprofen. Milk this for all its worth. Its nice having a slave boy.

  11. jethro says:

    wow, just looked at Mesa on Goomap, looks verdant and lovely from the sky.
    Resolution is pretty good there, you could find your house, from space.

    nerd, of geek.

  12. Holly Decker says:

    glad you survived and i love the way this post turned out. brilliant.

  13. anonymous says:

    this was extremely entertaining! i’m so glad you survived!

  14. nancy face says:

    You’re ALIVE! :)

  15. nancy face says:

    It was fun being so entertained at your expense (tee hee)! My very favorite part:

    “I whunna hughfld uh mwhoonie.” I was trying to say “I wanna hock a loogie…”

  16. nancy face says:

    I had my wisdom teeth yanked out at the age of 40. I’m such a ridiculous control freak, I would not agree to general anesthesia. The oral surgeon said if I could survive childbirth three times, I could survive being awake through oral surgery. They gave me laughing gas and multiple shots of Novocaine, and it was time to rock and roll. I laughed through the entire procedure, mainly due to the happy gas, but also because the surgeon was hilarious! I remember him telling me he was such an awful singer that he was the only person in the history of his church to be kicked out of his church choir. He also said it would feel like my eyeballs were being sucked out when he yanked the upper wisdom teeth. It was true and sooo funny!

    There is nothing funny about the recovery process. I wish you the best!

  17. jethro says:

    nancy face is hilarious.
    i read her blog. waay out there.
    good stuff.
    and always goofin for the cam.

  18. Anonymous says:

    We are at Mexico right now. When I just told Garrett that you got your wisdom teeth out, he said, “Hell. All her wisdom is gone now. And she didn’t have much to begin with.” Can you feel the love?

  19. Rachel says:

    Belatedly, so glad to hear that you survived! And I loved your answers, they were extremely entertaining. By the way, I was a rebel. I was spitting before the first week was up. Gingerly at first, then with a lot more confidence.

  20. Pingback: Archives of Our Lives » Wisdom Teeth are SO Not My Friends Anymore.

  21. anna says:

    Good thing you’re still alive, even if it be without your teeth that were just fine where they were.

  22. colepack says:

    you SO did cut her hair! I bet…
    dang, that is a lot of quesitons. people really like to know….. wonder if i should try it….. for my 5 readers :)

  23. Pingback: You Can Take My Wisdom Teeth But You Can 39 t Take My Spirit | bean bag chairs

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