As old as I keep getting, I never really seem to learn anything.
Why do I spout off hurtful vendettas without thinking things through first? I don’t know, really. There are two sides to every story (sometimes three or four, if you’re CSI: Miami), but I am the tunnel vision kind of girl who only sees my own misfortunes. Quite the victim, aren’t I?
Tunnel vision kind of girl. That’s the point, really. I’m still quite a little girl. It’s true–I don’t feel like a grown up at all, most days. I go on and on about how disappointed I am in people–in the state of the world these days. Yet sometimes, when I step back and look at my own life, I realise I’m quite the biggest disappointment of all.
It’s all very distressing. I mean, think of it: imagine if you lived your life all day every day, thinking you knew exactly what people are going through and what they should do to fix themselves, and the whole world has major problems, and people just need to get over it. Then imagine that one evening as you’re flossing your teeth (which everyone ought to be doing), it is called to your attention that maybe–just maybe–you might have some issues of your own. Maybe you’re a big jerk when all is said and done…maybe you’re all talk. Maybe you’re 21 years old and still acting like a child.
Maybe you’re too harsh on the seemingly incompetent clerks at the homogenise-the-world chain stores who wear blue vests with yellow smiley-faced pins; maybe they have lives and hate their jobs and don’t really care whether or not you can’t find strike-anywhere matches (which are not by the barbecue supplies, just for the record). Maybe people with children aren’t the enemy, and they aren’t judging you for not wanting any of your own. Maybe old ladies at church don’t think they’re being crotchety at all, and Becca Flunt* truly did think you stole her graphing calculator. Maybe the sky isn’t intentionally pouring down powdery white stuff just to get even with you.
Maybe all the mean comments “anonymous” makes on your blog is exactly right: Maybe “anonymous” is much more clever than yourself.
And think what a shock it is to the system–to go from so right to totally, undeniably wrong.
I don’t know quite what to make of it, actually.