You Mean I’m Not Perfect??

As old as I keep getting, I never really seem to learn anything.

Why do I spout off hurtful vendettas without thinking things through first? I don’t know, really. There are two sides to every story (sometimes three or four, if you’re CSI: Miami), but I am the tunnel vision kind of girl who only sees my own misfortunes. Quite the victim, aren’t I?

Tunnel vision kind of girl. That’s the point, really. I’m still quite a little girl. It’s true–I don’t feel like a grown up at all, most days. I go on and on about how disappointed I am in people–in the state of the world these days. Yet sometimes, when I step back and look at my own life, I realise I’m quite the biggest disappointment of all.

It’s all very distressing. I mean, think of it: imagine if you lived your life all day every day, thinking you knew exactly what people are going through and what they should do to fix themselves, and the whole world has major problems, and people just need to get over it. Then imagine that one evening as you’re flossing your teeth (which everyone ought to be doing), it is called to your attention that maybe–just maybe–you might have some issues of your own. Maybe you’re a big jerk when all is said and done…maybe you’re all talk. Maybe you’re 21 years old and still acting like a child.

Maybe you’re too harsh on the seemingly incompetent clerks at the homogenise-the-world chain stores who wear blue vests with yellow smiley-faced pins; maybe they have lives and hate their jobs and don’t really care whether or not you can’t find strike-anywhere matches (which are not by the barbecue supplies, just for the record). Maybe people with children aren’t the enemy, and they aren’t judging you for not wanting any of your own. Maybe old ladies at church don’t think they’re being crotchety at all, and Becca Flunt* truly did think you stole her graphing calculator. Maybe the sky isn’t intentionally pouring down powdery white stuff just to get even with you.

Maybe all the mean comments “anonymous” makes on your blog is exactly right: Maybe “anonymous” is much more clever than yourself.

And think what a shock it is to the system–to go from so right to totally, undeniably wrong.

I don’t know quite what to make of it, actually.

About Camille

I'm Camille. I have a butt-chin. I live in Canada. I was born in Arizona. I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Hello. You can find me on Twitter @archiveslives, Facebook at facebook.com/archivesofourlives, instagram at ArchivesLives, and elsewhere.
This entry was posted in change, failures, fiascos, introspection, self-actualisation, this little girl. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to You Mean I’m Not Perfect??

  1. Anonymous says:

    i love how you get such a serious, inspiring message across while still being entertaining. don’t be too hard on yourself. no one is perfect. i think we all are quick to judge others sometimes without casting the mote out of our own eye first.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Millie,

    Wow. Are you going through a mid-life crisis? What spurred this?

  3. Kyrie says:

    Wow Camille, You are taking a step that even I haven’t been able to bring myself to. Good luck to you.

  4. Zach and Whitney says:

    Oh Camille you are being way to hard on yourself. We all think things like that. I agree with you on a lot of those things. Oh, thanks for the doctorly advice. I just hope I never have to do this again.

  5. My Side of the Story : Jennie's Blog says:

    Now you know you are on your way to be coming a grown up, you can’t figure out anything till you figure out you don’t know everything/anything and you might be wrong about something/everything. 21… sounds to me like you are right on track. BTW love your blog! You make me smile almost everyday.

  6. Holly Janeen says:

    your blog has played a critical part in my growing up. thank you :)

  7. Loralee Choate says:

    Um. No, I truly think that the little old ladies are crotchety.

    And?

    YOU NEED TO GET IP BLOCKING SOFTWARE.
    Email me. I show you how to do it. Send your anon troll to the Disneyland homepage (Or a gay porn site. Depending on how mean they are)

    Because seriously? Dealing with anonymous trolls is so not worth it.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Camille, you never fail to make my day!! Oh btw I heard you and L are in charge of firesides for Girls Camp. Will you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do a boy video this year!???!!?!?!?!? it was SOOOOOOOOO LAME last year when they didnt!!!
    Natalie

  9. A Letter To Kayleen says:

    are you pms-ing?

    i’m a completely different person for that one week every month.

    i’m thinking of creating a cycle widget for my blog just so people know when i’m most fragile.

    it’ll look a little like the floating web fetus, only the egg will remain empty.

    floating egg.

    i think it’s a good idea, but i’m usually wrong about most things.

    which brings me back to your post…in life, i’ve found that it’s better to presume that you’re wrong about most things, then to declare your rightness in everything only to be proven wrong at a later time. i’ve had my fair share of personal revelations, they’re what keep us humble.

  10. Anonymous says:

    make it not about you. and thank you for your kind words. we love you.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Yes, I am anonymous, But I have never left a mean comment yet. I love to read what you write, whether it’s mean, shocking, or childish, or totally not what I believe. We all think those thoughts, you are just brave enough to say them for the whole world to read, and not be anonymous. That’s what makes the best writers. You deserve a bigger audience.

  12. Anonymous says:

    CAMILLE’S MOM SAYS:

    I want the whole world to know that my youngest born in the wilderness has her hair fixed EVERY day of her young life (except for the 5 days I was at a conference for school and her dad was in charge of the hair combing.)
    I also want the record to be noted that I was such a good mom I did NOT shave her thin, wildly styled her (rumpled because of tree climbing, swinging, and tether ball playing) when she got LICE!!!! I picked every nit out of that fine head of hers.
    She was well fed, too.

    MOTHER OF Cammie (her self-imposed elementary school knick-name.)

  13. comment deleted repeatedly says:

    disneyland and gay porn are different? wha?

    inchoate = incomplete, undeveloped.

    no choate though, in my dictionary. seems improbable to imagine anything complete.

  14. anonymous persons, likely non-protesting canadians, twice or thrice your age, not mean, but possibly offended, says:

    millicent the innocent,
    posts veiled and redolent,
    her readers misuse,
    her curious views,
    is any of this relevant?

    maybe i’ll have a mayberry.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Maybe we’re all imperfect.

    Thank you for a thoughtfull post.

Comments are closed.