{Introducing the Best New Feature Since I Learned How to Post Photos}

This blog is boring. Especially now that I’m too paranoid to have music playing.

In an effort to spice it up, I am opening my brilliant mind for anyone in the entire e-world to pick. Is there something you always wanted to know, but were too afraid to ask? Ask! I will answer any question (of course we’re keeping things clean here at Archives of Our Lives, but that’s just a given). Do you wonder about my birth control plan? Ask! Do you need help figuring out what makes your teenage daughter’s world go ’round? Ask! Do you have a large green growth schlumping around on your underarm? See a doctor! And then ask!

And there are so many ways to ask me, too–in the comment section of any post, or on Twitter. If you have my phone number you can text me a question. You can write your queries in #2 pencil on a sheet of lined college-rule (recycled, naturally) looseleaf, fold them up tightly and shove them in a teeny tiny emptied gel caplet, send the caplet to me via United States Postal Service, and I will swallow the pill, wait for it to digest, poo it out, excavate your looseleaf question from the waste, unfold it, read it, and answer it right here on my blog. Or you can simply email me.

Every week I will answer a question. Ask me anything. Any time.

Here, I’ll start:
Camille, what did you do yesterday? Sincerely, Camille.

That’s a lovely question, Camille. Thanks for asking. Yesterday I did nine loads of laundry which had piled up as a result of who the heck knows.


This was made 100% more enjoyable by my twins.



Doing laundry is probably my favourite chore of the entire house. I would do nine loads of laundry every day if I never had to make the bed or clean Poor Kyle’s whisker shavings out of the bathroom sink.

Posted in ask me anything | 19 Comments

Camille & Poor Kyle Consummate the Marriage and Invite All Y’all to Have a Look-see

Adam Shankman is a goofy sort of fellow. He’s always saying deeply profound things that have no meaning whatsoever. In his role as a guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance tonight, he told Mark and Courtney that, though he loved each of them separately, he was even more moved by the pair of them as a couple.

“And that’s the power of togetherness,” he added for emphasis. Whatever, Adam. Where do you come up with garbage like that–Vorizon™ cell phone commercials?

Anyway, he’s a nice guy, and he has absolutely nothing to do with what I am writing about tonight–aside from “the power of togetherness” line.

Poor Kyle and I, we have felt a lot of “power of togetherness,” if “power of togetherness” means enjoying a Caribbean cruise for our honeymoon last October. Here’s a run-down of the blessed event:

We got on this boat [I don’t feel like adding a bright red arrow to the photo, so just trust me when I say it was the one on the right]:

And two days later, we got off the boat at this beach in St. Martin:

But even though we were prepared with our swimsuits, we didn’t don them to bask in the water. Instead we took pictures of ourselves in front of it:

And then we took more pictures of ourselves at a cabana near the beach:



…because that’s how we roll, PK & C.

Then we went back to the ship where we found this mysterious cake waiting in our suite:

Poor Kyle denied knowing anything about it, but I was convinced he secretly ordered it because he loved me, and, “Look! It says right on the frosting ‘I Love You.’ Who else on this ship loves either one of us?” Obviously he didn’t love me–at least not enough to commission a cake in my honour–because shortly after we cut into it, some lady from Room Service called and told us it had been delivered in error, and had we already eaten it, because she needed it back. Oops.


The next day we boarded the pirate ship used in a small film known as “Pirates of the Caribbean.” We started out looking dapper–better than our actual wedding day, truth be told:


But then it rained a cold and bitter rain, and our day became more or less miserable. Only by that time we were stuck on the pirate ship, surrounded by the ocean with nowhere to go. For eight hours: Did I mention it was cold?

And then we died. But we came back to life just in time to board our cruise ship again and hole away in our room, where we…(ahem)…snapped a million photos of each other. (Why, what did you think I was going to write, sicko?)

We took so many photos, I suppose, because we were so happy to be reveling in our newfound “power of togetherness.” [Actually, we were just too…umm…shy…to do much of anything else. If you catch my drift.]

Here is me:


And me again [memememe!!!!]:


And here’s PK, below. This picture of Poor Kyle captures some of his best characteristics: mild-mannered, calm, and always (well, more like 99% of the time) good-natured. Wouldn’t you agree?

a>Handsome, I know:


Fast forward to the next day…the last island we visited on our cruise was St. Kitts, and we both agreed that, if given the choice, we would have spent all seven days right there on that island. It was the best day of the entire trip.

We rented a shiny red scooter built for 11⁄2:


Visited an amazing historic fortress called Brimstone Hill:



Bonded with each other in our “power of togetherness”:



…and stopped to photographically intrude upon the monkeys alongside the road:


Oh! I forgot to add that Poor Kyle’s parents were so happy to finally have him married off, they gave us our honeymoon as a wedding gift. Thanks, guys! (I have yet to post about the actual wedding reception, which was a fun and fancy night, [put on by my parents and loads of family–thanks to you guys, too!])

Anyway, I’ll tell you one thing: marriage is not for the faint of heart, to be sure. But think I’d do it once a year if I could…

…if only for the honeymoons.

Posted in Married Life, photos | 15 Comments

I’m a Glutton for Deprivation

I’m sleep deprived right now. Being sleep deprived really is the best kind of deprivation–much better than carne asada burrito deprived or heavy summer rain deprived or even fat baby nephew deprived…

Does it mean that he’s iron-deprived if he enjoys chomping on blankets?

But anyway, if I have to be deprived of something, I definitely choose sleep, because the funniest things happen to me when I’m running low on zees. For example…

Couches totally collapse…

Previously sane (well, moderately sane) people turn into pirates…

…the pirateage continues…



…and people get eaten by giant reptiles at the Phoenix Zoo…


So do yourself a favour and lose some sleep this summer. You’ll thank me for the advice after the pictures have been taken.
Posted in do what I say, looking back, Overall Good Things, thisandthat, what I'm about | 4 Comments

Does This Playlist Make My Blog Look Fat?

Oh, boy—have I ever got a problem.

See, I don’t like being poked fun of (whereas everyone else in the world enjoys it, I know). Unfortunately for me, I’ve been reading this blog and I have become mind-wrackingly paranoid that the author is making fun of me–me, personally. And so now, whether or not I actually fit into the group of people the blogger is writing about, I am painfully trying to decide what to do—if anything. See, I’m worried about the music playlist on Archives of Our Lives, because some of the songs I play are also featured on Seriously So Blessed.

And I don’t think it matters, either, that I change my music almost constantly to match my daily blog posts. I still feel like a total loser. This is almost worse than going to a movie by myself.

So come on—be honest: Does this playlist make my blog look fat?
Do you upload my blog, Archives of Our Lives, and automatically hit the “mute” button before you even start reading?


Because sometimes I do, and I’m not kidding. Sometimes it’s 100% distracting…yet other times I think the songs really do add an interesting element that I’d hate to lose.

But, impressionable as I am, I will get rid of my music playlist altogether if you all decide I should…

…so should I?

View the poll to the right, and help me decide. Please–I can’t stand the humiliation.

Posted in blogger finger, change, I hate change, woe is me | 17 Comments

I’ve Just Thought of an Excellent Plot for a Horror Film…

Remember last August how my hand got sore from a case of blogger finger?


Well, apparently the disease has spread to the produce. I was washing vegetables for a lovely salad last night, when I came across a past-its-peak carrot that felt fleshy and bony and strangely like a human digit (Haunted houses, anyone? It’s genius.). Inasmuch as there was no way I was eating a carrot that felt like a human finger, I tossed it on top of a pile of lettuce to go to the garbage.

And when I came back, it looked like this:


Gross. It matched my blogger finger perfectly.

I got to thinking later (this morning in the shower, if you must know), and realised I’ve come upon something genius–this is just the stuff that horror films are made of! I can see it now…

Carrot Man vs. Lettuce Lady in…Where Have all the Vegetables Gone??

Not only will your children never sleep again, but you can forget about them touching their salads at dinner.

Posted in blogger finger, oh brother what next, thisandthat | 11 Comments

{I’ve Never Felt so Lame in all My Life}

Me: Babe, I think today’s the day.

Poor Kyle: What day?

Me: The day I’ve been dreading all my life.

PK: Gosh, you’re so dramatic. What are you talking about?

Me: I think I am going to see a movie all by myself today. In the theatre. Alone.

PK: Oh, good. Take that gift card on the dresser and get in free.

Me: Aren’t you going to try and talk me out of it?

PK: Why would I do that? I don’t care if you go…

Me: Oh, I don’t know. It just means I’m depressed or something, and if I’m actually going to do this, then I’m probably only a step away from drinking a whole bottle of laxatives and defecating myself to death…

It’s true. I’ve always known this day would come. I have put it off for years, but there was no avoiding it. Today I went to see a movie–in the theatre–all alone.

I don’t know how it happened, really. I hadn’t planned it in advance. But for some reason, when I woke up this morning (the second time, that is [first I woke up to water the garden and help Poor Kyle take apart our bed. Then I went back to sleep and woke up again at a more holy hour]) I just knew it was going to happen. I said to myself, “Self…today you have to see a movie all alone. In the theatre. Lonely. And it will be Mama Mia.”

So I did it. I mean, when one’s fate is written in the stars like that, there’s absolutely no sense in fighting it.

But I did bring my camera along to document my bout with depression. Looking back, though, I’ve concluded that filming my experience was kind of cheating; I was never fully alone, since I had my camera to talk to. Nevertheless, it was a fear conquered (somewhat), and I’m crossing it off my list so I’ll never have to do it again.

Have a look:
[It’s long, so scroll to the middle if you just want to see the Mama Mia part.]
In the end, it wasn’t as bad as I expected, but I suspect it would have been worse without my buddy the camera…

I hate being lonely.

Posted in change, I hate change, oh brother what next | 17 Comments

Mike Holmes Might as Well be Superman…

..if you ask me, that is.

Picture from here.

This is Mike Holmes. Do any of you know this man? I do–at least, I feel like I know him personally. I feel like we’re best friends. Mike Holmes has a way of making people feel good about themselves.

Picture from here.

I know, I know–he looks a little bit like he could kill a man. And here’s a secret…he probably could. He could, but he won’t; he never will, because he’s Holmes on Homes. He’s a good man.

The Canadian contractor and television show host has made it his goal in life to rid Canada of shady contractors. His motto is, “Do it right,” and if someone has already screwed that part up, his backup plan is to “Make it right.”

It’s a Discovery Channel show, but I watch it on HGTV. And from what I can tell, Mike Holmes is truly a caring individual. Some of the homes he fixes (all of which have been buggered up by previous contractors) are for people in wheelchairs–in which case Mike Holmes bends down to speak to them at their own height. Mike Holmes is gentle when helping sweet little ladies, and he explains all of his actions on an age-appropriate level. In other words, he cares.

He’s also set up a scholarship program for higher-education in the trades, which he believes is a necessity if we’re to handle the retirement of the baby boomers with any sort of grace at all. And to top it all off, he received an honorary doctorate from BCIT, on account of his exemplary craftsmanship and humanitarian efforts.

Picture from here.


I’ve always wanted an honorary Doctorate.

And so what if he has a seemingly never-ending supply of overalls and white tank tops? A trademark’s a trademark–plus, he dresses up his overalls with long sleeve button-up shirts if he’s going somewhere fancy…like the Ellen Degeneres show:

That’s classy right there. I love a man who knows how to act in public.

Posted in like-it-link-it, Overall Good Things | 10 Comments