I’m a Fool and Saturday Steals Recap

by Camille Posted on June 28, 2010

Hey, guess what?

Did you know that I am a total arse?

It’s true.

Need proof? Okay…

Once upon a time, I received a gift in the mail. It was a lovely gift. It was 100% free to me, and something that I would actually use and probably really like. But instead of being thrilled about my gift, instead of thanking my beneficiary profusely for her kindness and generosity, do you know what I did? DO YOU?

I turned on my computer, went to my blog, and publicly announced that I would rather have had the cold, hard cash instead of my lovely gift.

WHO EVEN DOES THAT?

Yes, my friends, it turns out that my Saturday Steal was a book I won in a giveaway over at I Heart Monster a few months ago.

There is no excuse for such behaviour. [But if there WERE an excuse (which there is not), it would probably be that the post announcing my win was published right during finals and immigration meetings during the spring, and I vaguely remember hitting “Mark All As Read” in my Google™ Reader on more than one occasion (nothing against any of my blog friends…I just feel like I’m drowning sometimes when I see that 1000+ in my cache), so I never found the post declaring me the winner, and thus had no recollection of it when the book arrived at my house.]

Anyway, I’m sorry, I Heart Monster. I’m a fool. And thanks for the book.

**************************

In other news, there were a lot of good steals that were NOT humiliating! Let’s recap, shall we?

Geevz from Hazardous Undertakings flew FIRST CLASS for FREE (one of my goals in life, by the way). Pictures, please!

Ros from Ticklepea got a whole slew of antique books for £2.50.

Nain from View from Down Here got two nights for the price of one at a fancy hotel (pictures, please!).

I Heart Monster got books online for up to 91% off their original retail price. She also got an hilarious story and priceless autograph from an author she likes (but you’ll have to read the story to learn the delightful details).

Chloe’s ferret, Stitch, from My New Life as a Housewife, got some free bling in the mail.

Maureen from Adventures in the Underground got a FREE oil change (no small feat, considering I just took George Jettson to have the same procedure last week and left a cool $220 poorer). Pictures, please!

And Chelsie from The Mind of a Gus got FREE furniture—and it’s beautiful, too!

If you missed these posts over the weekend, feel free to click on over to check out all the great deals.

As for me, I’m off to lick my wounds of humiliation and probably drown myself in DDP.

That, or a vodka tonic.

(Is there such thing as a vodka tonic? I am not a drinker, so I don’t know.)

(Maybe I should’ve just said “whiskey sour” from the start. I’ve always liked the sounds of that particular liquor. It has such a bitter, brooding, cynical feel to it, doesn’t it? Whiskey sour–like the Earnest Hemingway of alcohols. It’s the sort of drink Chuck Bass would order, I think.)

I’ll have a whiskey sour, then.

Posted in oh brother what next, Saturday Steals, woe is me | Tagged | 4 Comments

Saturday Steals: How to Never Look Fat Again

by Camille Posted on June 25, 2010

**Thank you for joining this week’s exhilarating round of Saturday Steals! To participate, write a post at your own blog about your own steal, and then add the link (to that post) to the link list below.**

While I was in Arizona for nearly six weeks, I got a phone call from my husband. Well, I got a lot of phone calls from him, but only one particular call bears relevance to this post.

“Hey, you got something from Purolator today.” (Purolator is like FedEx or UPS.)

“Really? That’s strange; I wasn’t expecting anything. What was it?”

“I don’t know; they left a piece of paper saying they were sorry they missed you.”

“They didn’t leave the package?”

“Nope.”

“ARGH! I will never rest until I know what is in the package that is waiting for me! I will climb every mountain, turn over every rock until I find that parcel and rip it open with my bear hands! Or I will just call Purolator and ask them to hold it for me until I get home from this holiday.”

A few days later, I was back in Canada. Stopping by Purolator’s office was my number one priority, before even buying groceries (and trust me: we were in DESPERATE need of groceries after being out of the house for six weeks).

When I finally received my package, and after I tore it open with my bare hands, imagine my shock to see this:

How to Never Look Fat Again, a hard cover book with 250 glossy, glorious pages (in colour!) choc full of advice on how not to look fat.

It comes with tips like these:

“Only ballerinas and four-year-olds can look slim in a skirt this fattening. Yummy, but too many calories.”

And this:

“High Fat vs. No Fat: How to dress for your body style.”

And this:

“10 Ways to Battle Arm Flap.”

Such a book is surely necessary in my life, of that I have no doubt.

But what I do wonder is…

…how did this book happen to come my way in the world?

It’s unusual, considering that I never ordered this book, nor signed up for it to be sent to me through any sort of giveaway. The name of the person who sent the book was on the order form, but it’s not a name I’ve ever heard before. There was no accompanying note or letter to tell me why I had received this gem of literary intelligence, and so I am left to conclude only one explanation:

SOMEBODY IS ANONYMOUSLY TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING, SPECIFICALLY “CAMILLE, YOU DRESS LIKE A FAT COW. HERE, MAYBE THIS CAN HELP.”

Is there any other explanation?

There cannot be.

To my anonymous donor who so lovingly sent me this extraordinarily thoughtful gift at a time when I surely needed it most:

Thanks for the thought, but I would’ve preferred the cash.

***********************

So now it’s your turn! What have you stolen lately? Write your post and link to it below.

Ready? Begin!

Posted in oh brother what next, Saturday Steals | 10 Comments

In My Corner

by Camille Posted on June 25, 2010

It is quickly becoming my new favourite photograph.

It went like this: my sister and I were strolling the streets of downtown Calgary, enjoying the most perfect weather known to the country, when we noticed a banner strung up above a barricaded street: OUTDOOR EXPO, it read, and with that, we were sold.

We love a good expo, my sister and me.

So we meandered our way over to the expo, taking note of how nice it was not to have to hold any hands while crossing the road.

The expo was kind of a bust, as far as expos go. A few street vendors, a couple poverty-stricken musicians (one on the accordion, though, so no complaints there), and that was about it. Still, we couldn’t help but enjoy the almost San Diego boardwalk feel of the day—it was lovely, we were happy, and life was good.

Then, out of the corner of our eyes, we noticed these tulips in Olympic Plaza. They were just, I don’t know, BURSTING forth with springtime exuberance or something. We were powerless to resist; we had to stop and capture them, to remember the day.

The crowning cherry on that strawberry milkshake and whipped cream of a day:

For anyone who’s never had a sister—or worse, for anyone who’s had a sister and not had the fortune to be close—I am truly sorry. Sisters are wonderful gifts—ready-made friends and confidants. I don’t tell my sister everything, but I tell her every thing that matters. Together, we discuss theology, politics, family dynamics, womanhood, motherhood, humanhood, Life.

She has always been there in my corner, to quote Sarah Harmer (one of my favourite musicians, you should look her up).

And I got up in the ring because I had you there in my corner…

Sappy? Sure.

True? Absolutely.

Do you have a sister? Do you love her? Hate her? Were separated from her at birth? Please tell me, I must know.

**p.s. Come back later tonight for Saturday Steals! For those of you who thoughtfully participated in last week’s pathetic excuse for a Saturday Steal, I will be linking up your previous contributions to this week’s list. Don’t let that deter you from writing a new post, though!**

Posted in Canada, family, Overall Good Things, photos, this little girl, what I'm about | 11 Comments

Don’t leave me.

by Camille Posted on June 23, 2010

I have so much to catch up on with you guys.

I will do it, I promise.

But for now, here is a little sample of what I’ve been doing this week:

1. I got my bangs cut. I think I hate them.

2. I got to meet some awesome blog friends. More to come.

3. I finagled my sister into driving up to Canada with me. Without her son, ho, ho! I mean, I love the child dearly—more than I ever expected to love a child, to tell you the truth—and so does his mom, but he is exhausting. So for my sister’s birthday present, her husband agreed to take over the kid, thus freeing up my sister for a full week of uninterrupted sleep, rest, food, and House M.D. (don’t judge). We’ve had such fun together. Her stay will be a full week all said and done.

4. Together, my sister and I have spent a lot of time psychoanalysing each other. For example, take a look at these salads, equal in content but so very different in form. One was prepared by the Type A personality in the relationship, and the other, with exactly the same ingredients, was prepared by the Type B (is there such thing as a Type B?). Well, if not Type B, then Type Who Purposely Messes Up the Salad Before She Eats it So as Not to Feel Too Stressed Out About Eating it in an Orderly Fashion.

Also known as Type Who Can’t Keep Her Bathroom Clean to Save Her Life.

Can you guess which is whose?

Posted in Canada, family, friends, It's All Good | 9 Comments

Saturday Steals: Free Style

by Camille Posted on June 18, 2010

Hi all!

I am in Utah reunioning with my extended family, most of whom I have not seen in two years (since the last reunion).

For this reason, I have had no time to steal anything this week.

That’s a blatant lie.

I have come across many steals. I always do. Not a week passes that I don’t stumble across some steal or another.

What I should have said was “I have not had time to photograph and write about any of this week’s steals on account of my reuniting with family.”

I hope you can forgive me.

For those of you not overwhelmed by how prolifically your cousins have reproduced in the last two years, please do feel free to write your own post and link it up in the list below.

Saturday Steals is opening early today (and will stay open until 11:59 p.m. Sunday night) because in the back hills of Utah, every moment of internet connection may be your last, and I don’t know when I’ll be back online again.

Ready?

Go!

…

Okay, go!

…

No, really. Go.

Oh, what? What’s that you say? You can’t add your link because there’s no list on which to add?

How very sad indeed.

More so for you than for me. It seems that MckLinky does not want me to have a link list added to this post. I have tried to create one ten times to no avail.

The universe is out to get me today, can you tell?

Oh, and also, I have an ingrown toenail.

Well, no matter. If you have already written your post, just leave your link in the comment section of this post. When I get internet again, and if MckLinky ever decides to forgive me for the unknown grievance for which it is presently punishing me, I will create the list and add your links to it myself.

Each and every one.

All three of them.

Kay thanks bye.

Me and my toenail will see ourselves out,

Camille

Posted in failures, family, Saturday Steals | 5 Comments

Solemn Farewell

by Camille Posted on June 16, 2010

Goodbye Mesa.

Goodbye QT.

Goodbye heat.

Goodbye chips and salsa.

Goodbye my daily frozen yogurt fix.

Goodbye indie music scene.

Goodbye freeways of the gods.

Goodbye Westwood.

Goodbye Sonic.

Goodbye Steve (you crook).

Goodbye awkward conversations with people I haven’t seen in years and may not see again for another few years. How’s Canada? Cold. So nice to see you go.

Goodbye Hershey, my parents’ wretched new puppy who doesn’t hold a candle to our poor old dead dog, Sampson.

Goodbye feeling of sheer exhilaration when I walk out of an overly-air conditioned church building and into the scorching heat of the summer sun.

Goodbye overspending.

Goodbye overeating.

Goodbye overspending on overeating.

Goodbye spray-on sunscreen.

Goodbye Red Brick Pizza.

Goodbye friend.

Goodbye family.

Goodbye Mesa.

Goodbye Sun.

Posted in on the road again, the great state of AZ | 7 Comments

Saturday Steals Recap and a Winner Announced and Some Housekeeping and Whatever Else Exploded Out of my Brain at One in the Morning.

by Camille Posted on June 15, 2010

Thanks to everyone who participated in my quest for a cute cupcake saying yesterday.

In the end, although so many of your submissions were adorable (I particularly liked the one-word entries like “Joy.” or “Sweet.” but Lindsay’s handwriting is so perfect I felt like I would miss seeing more words if I only went with the one-word option), but in the end, can you imagine what I chose?

I went with one of my own ideas.

Obnoxious, I know. Poor Kyle hates when I do this sort of thing. I pick out three shirts at the store and ask him which two colours he likes best and then promptly purchase the single shirt he liked least. HE HATES THAT.

But what he doesn’t understand is that sometimes, in my heart of hearts (what does that even mean, heart of hearts?), I really do know what I want. And all I need is just to put myself in the position of not getting what I actually know I want so that I can realise how I would feel if indeed I did not buy that shirt in blue. It’s not that I specifically set out to ask Poor Kyle his opinion and then deliberately disregard it…it’s just that his suggestions sometimes help me see that I really knew what I wanted all the time.

Such is the case with the cupcake painting. I had an idea from the onset of the project, but I second-guessed myself so much that after a few hours, I was convinced it was the worst possible decision. I couldn’t commit to it. So by opening the project up to all of you, and realising that there are so many great options out there, I put myself in the position of not having my painting say what I originally thought I’d like.

And then I knew.

However, one good thing has come of all this: Niki’s submission, “Vous êtes ce que vous mangez,” reminded me that, indeed, everything does look better in French, and it inspired me to have my phrase written in the selfsame language. So Niki, for all intents and purposes, you have won the contest. Email me with your preference: a cupcake painting of your own or a $20 gift card to amazon.com.

So there you have it.

What, you ask, is this ever-elusive phrase I have decided to permanently imprint onto my precious masterpiece?

It’s a secret.

**********************

Saturday Steals Recap:

I am going to start recapping highlights of my favourite steals from the weekend because I worry that some of you are not able to read on Saturdays (Don’t blame you, who has the time? [Oh, I do. What? Back off.]), which means you are missing out on all the good steals people showcase every weekend.

And that simply will not do.

Camberly and Keighley from The Bella Life found this spectacular dessert stand. I am no antique expert, but it looks like depression glass perhaps? The very best kind of glass, if you ask me. Why be annoying perky glass on Prozac™ when you can be depressed and forlorn? That’s my theory:

Nain from View from Down Here had the great fortune of stealing a husband who scored free dental stuff. I love a good free toothbrush:

Niki’s (A Lovely Lifestyle) darling daughter was looking smashing in her swimming attire for less than five smackers:

Chloe from My New Life as a Housewife discovered that the new house she just bought has a mature, fruit-bearing apricot tree in the back yard, and she is eating free fruit by the bushels:

And Jami scored some awesome vintage steals (my favourite kind of steal) at an estate sale near her house (my grandad always said the best deals are closest to home…):

And voila! That was fun. I always enjoy seeing what my e-friends come up with to showcase for their weekly steals, and I hope you appreciate it, too. Steals are the bomb diggity wiggity dog hog. (I should get that printed on a T-shirt, no?)

I admit I was disappointed several months ago when my Saturday Steals feature was not an instant success, but as the weeks go on, I find myself actually kind of happy that it is an intimate affair. I like being able to comment on each and every post submitted, and I hope all the participants get at least a little traffic from having their posts linked to from my blog.

For now anyway, I will keep it up.

******************

Before I sign off for the night, I have a few items of housekeeping to attend to. My email program has been acting up for the past week, and I have tried responding to several time-sensitive emails and comments with no success. For those regular commentors expecting replies, I’m sorry. I’ll be back in the swing of things by next week.

To Alexa Mae, who I have been trying in vain to meet up with since last year at this time: I’m sorry I’m a failure and didn’t get to write back sooner. I’m leaving Wednesday morning at 5 a.m. and I know it’s ridiculous short notice, but if you are free any time today I will go out of my way to meet up with you. If you send me an email with your phone number I’ll call or text and we can set it up. I’m sorry I suck. (Maybe it’s better this way, if we don’t meet, because then you will still not know the true me, and you can keep thinking highly of me for a while longer!) (If indeed you even think highly of me at all anymore, what with my obnoxious failure to respond to your emails.)

To Liz from Idaho: I will still be where we had previously discussed on Saturday evening. I will have a friend along with me, and I hope that doesn’t affect your decision to come meet us. My friend is lovely and should not deter you! Unfortunately I won’t be able to stop for longer than dinner, because we are going to try to make our trip in one stop. If you are still game for driving all that way for such a short time, I am happy to oblige. Send me an email with your phone number and we can text or call to arrange a more specific meeting place.

And to everyone else: don’t you feel left out?

Sorry.

Posted in giveaways, Pretty Things, Saturday Steals | 6 Comments