Thwarted.

by Camille Posted on May 5, 2010

Yesterday I woke up bright and early, showered, packed George Jettson to the brim, made the bed, folded the towels, washed the dishes, turned off the heater, locked the doors, and flipped Mayberry the bird as I sped away.

Everything necessary to leave the house for an extended holiday away from It All.

I was outta this joint.

Obligatory start-of-trip dashboard reading (okay, so I didn’t get out of the house till 10:30—don’t you judge me).

Everything was great:

Until pretty soon it wasn’t:

See that white stuff all over the road? It’s not snow. It’s snow’s evil twin sister—SLUSH.

And what many of you Arizona drivers may not know is that slush is probably worse than snow for driving. It’s much more slippery and altogether nasty.

What this photo does not capture is the hurricane-force winds that accompanied the slush. I mean, slush by itself is bad enough, but the wind made me slip around more than once within ten minutes, and it was not a fun experience.

It was a storm I had been hearing about on the weather channel all weekend, but until yesterday, I was in denial about it. It would trail all the way from Mayberry to Idaho on the I-15, which—wait—yeah, that’s exactly where I needed to be yesterday. And it will last until Thursday.

Lovely.

So with tears streaming down my blotchy melodramatic face, I slowed George Jettson down and turned around at the next exit.

As I drove back home (really away from home, but meh—semantics), the GPS railed on me, countering my decision every 500 metres:

Recalculating. In 500 metres, turn left; then turn left.

When possible, make a U-turn.

You’re making a mistake.

A terrible mistake.

You’re a failure.

Recalculating. Turn around and keep going, you lousy piece of yankee garbage.

In the end, though, I stuck with my decision to go back to Mayberry for the duration. My house was dismal when I got back. The only thing more depressing than coming home at the end of a wonderful holiday is coming home at the beginning of a wonderful holiday. One that never started.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Mesa. I’ll see you when I see you.

p.s. Niki? I think we’ll have to reschedule. Sorry.

Posted in Canada, failures, mediocrity, on the road again, sad things, Travel | 11 Comments

The Following Story is Completely True. Sadly.

by Camille Posted on May 2, 2010

You know how when you’re single, looking for someone to date—being on the proverbial “prowl,” if you will—and you get vibes from a person of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you’re gay; I am an equal-opportunity blogger), and you are SO sure that he or she is the person for you that you feel completely confident putting your neck on the line in order to jump start the relationship, only to find out the hard way that…

…he’s taken?

That’s the worst.

It happened to me one time. It was my first freshman semester at blog-awful ASU; I was stuck in the lamest Geology class of my life, and ended up sitting next to the same guy every day during class time. Over the course of the semester, we partnered up for many a group project (hate group work, by the way), and by December, we’d gotten a nice, friendly banter going on (I thought it was flirting…so sad that I was wrong). I was fairly certain that he would be asking me out soon. Of course I had checked for a ring, what girl on the prowl doesn’t? He was never wearing one, didn’t even have a tan line for one. He was totally available, and we were going to get married. As soon as he asked me out.

I worked tirelessly dropping hints that we should go to T. C. Eggington’s for french toast together to celebrate the end of the semester, but he never took the bait. By the last day of classes, I knew I had to get serious if I was ever going to make it work between us. I flat-out asked him when he was going to ask me out, just like that, as bold as could be, and guess what he said?

“I’m married.”

OH, REALLY? SO NICE OF YOU TO TIP ME OFF WHILE I’M PRACTICALLY BEGGING YOU FOR A DADGUM DATE.

My only consolation was that I never saw him again. What a relief.

Well, my friends, it’s happened again.

Don’t freak out; Kyle and I are still happily married. I wasn’t on the prowl for myself.

But I was certainly on the prowl.

Continue reading →

Posted in Canada, fiascos, mondays suck, oh brother what next, what a nightmare, woe is me | Tagged | 27 Comments

Saturday Steals: McDonald’s Hash Brown

by Camille Posted on April 30, 2010

Well I’ve known it for ages, but today confirmed yet again that I am one lucky girl.

First, I marry a man who loves me enough that he actually wants me to hang out with him for days on end while he works to earn money to pay for awesome things for me like a college education and my car, George Jettson.

Then, when he wakes up at three a.m. to start his job, and I remain completely passed out in the bunk of the semi truck for the next six hours, he doesn’t even complain when I finally rise from my beauty sleep only to demand food NOW please. He just pulls over for food.

And on top of all these lovely bits of luck, when I order said food, what should I find in my paper takeout bag but a FREE EXTRA HASH BROWN with my Egg McMuffin!

TWO GOLDEN DELICIOUS HASH BROWNS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE? WHAT?? That’s like a fifty cent value!

Free hash browns: good to the very last drop.

Ronald McDonald loves me.

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So now it’s your turn! What did you steal this week or lifetime? I want to hear about it! Simply write your post and then add it to the list of links below. Conversely, if you don’t have a blog but you are a regular stealer, you’re welcome to write about your steals in the comment section. We are a non-denominational lover of steals here at Archives of Our Lives.


Posted in oh brother what next, on the road again, Overall Good Things, Saturday Steals | 8 Comments

Come back!

by Camille Posted on April 30, 2010

Come back this evening for a rousing opening round of Saturday Steals.

I still haven’t found mine (well I had one planned but I left home without taking pictures of it like the dumb dumb that I sometimes am), but that just means the next twelve hours will be extra interesting as I go about my day with the intent of finding one.

You never know what you’ll come across when you live your life out of a 63″ bunk of a semi truck.

It’s a crazy way to live, but someone’s gotta do it. Not me, but someone.

Posted in Canada, Married Life, on the road again, Saturday Steals, Travel | 2 Comments

So I Married a Toothless Trucker

by Camille Posted on April 28, 2010

As soon as I was granted my Canadian residency yesterday (which went very well by the way), the first thing I immediately did was hop into a semi truck with a strange-looking toothless truck driver and hitch a ride down to Vegas.


I think I must be having a mid-life crisis or something. First my short haircut and now this.

Anyway, it’s been quite the experience, to say the least. Have you ever spent the night in a semi truck before? It will leave you feeling like equal parts hobo and whore, if for no other reason than the fact that truck stops are very seedy places.

But I wanted to spend some quality time with my husband this week (if in fact you can consider jamming out to Sirius satellite radio’s most annoying country music station for twenty straight hours “quality time”) before skipping the country altogether next week for a month and a half of more quality time with my family in Arizona. Some people think I’m crazy to leave my husband for so long, but Kyle and I are more secure in our marriage than to need to spend every waking hour together (his words, not mine), and plus, it’s good for us. Makes us happy to be married when we reunite.

Speaking of reuniting, any Mesans want to get together on May 7th? Comment or email me if you’re interested. Once we get a count of those available we can finalize the deets. Ha. I just said deets as if I was a person cool enough to pull it off. Awkward.

Also, I’m looking into setting up an Idaho reunion in Rexburg, which might be at the beginning of May on my way down to AZ, or perhaps during late June on my way back up. Any takers? Let me know what works for you.

And now I’m off to bathe at the pay-as-you-go fungus-infested showers at the Flying J.

Such is the life of a truck driver’s wife.

Posted in Canada, It's All Good, Married Life, on the road again, Poor Kyle, Travel | Tagged | 12 Comments

Today

by Camille Posted on April 26, 2010

Today I find out if this country I’ve been living in sin with for the past three years wants to make an honest woman out of me.

If they say yes, I get to pay another $500 (on top of the $500+ we’ve already invested into the quest for permanent residency) for a little green piece of paper that says I can legally work and pay taxes (but not vote, don’t worry) within Canada. Also, I’ll be able to stop paying over a thousand dollars per class for international tuition at my university, which means we’ll finally be able to afford for me to take more than three classes per semester, which means I maybe might graduate sometime before the Second Coming of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (though no one really knows when that will be, so it’s all just speculation in the end).

With my paltry qualifications, any job I can scrounge up will pay so little that it will take me years to pay off what we’ve already paid just to be able to work and pay it off.

Irony can be so cruel that way.

Anyway, wish me luck and a kind immigration officer.

I’ll need both. And probably a shot of hard liquor (or at the very least a DDP), if I know what’s good for me.

Anyway, if everything goes according to plan, today is my last day as merely a visitor to this country. By this time tomorrow, I may well be a resident, at last legal to work.

Which means tomorrow might be my last morning to sleep in guilt-free with a good excuse as to why I’m not out in the workforce contributing to our household economy. I’d better take advantage of it.

Time’s a-wastin’.

Posted in Canada, Married Life | Tagged | 8 Comments

Bad News

by Camille Posted on April 26, 2010

The other day I drove to Montana in my new (to me) Jetta for a little bonding time, and a very bad thing happened. Luckily (or not) for you, I captured the unfortunate event on digital recording:

I was feeling so cool and svelte with my smokin’ hot dance moves that I was ready to sign up for SYTYCD auditions.

And then I played it back and watched myself.

And mourned the loss of my grand dreams. So near, and yet so, so very far.

Sad.

At least the Jetta still loves me; Kyle totally doesn’t.

Posted in blogger finger, failures, It's All Good, mondays suck, oh brother what next | Tagged | 15 Comments